im a single mom with a 7 year old girl she is wondering where her dad is and it is hard to ease the pain and to know what to tell her. he is not in the picture by his choice, any suggestions?

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Kirsty - posted on 04/16/2009

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BETSY:
What age did ur son ask questions and what hv u told him? my son is 2 and my x is a deadbeat nd has never had nethn 2 do with us-and i stress 2 no end about the one day questions and what to tell him??



i know where his dad is and that he just had another baby a few wks ago and that he sees his 5yr old and that he is playing happy lil families with the current baby and gf, i just dnt know how to make my son realise he has not missed out on anything just bcoz his deadbeat (re-formed mnths at a time drug/alco father) is able to play daddy to these two kids but has NEVER EVER wanted to know about mine...



 



I know to never talk him down to my son when the time comes but what can u really say about a violent unstable man who claims to be mr perfect with is latest family??





Kellie - posted on 04/15/2009

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i too am in the same situation with a 7 yo daughter with no father on the scence and he has never been around she had only just asked questions last year coz of fathers day at school and her friends saying she wasnt good enough to play with coz she doesnt have one ..... that made me angry more then her father leaving us so i explained that everyones family is different and that she is loved and wanted and no matter what happens i will always be there for her ...... and now a year later she sees how her friends have diferent lifestyles with their dads or not and she accepts the fact he isnt around and she tells me all the time that she is happy with just the two of us so i hope that helps u as long as u r truthful u cant go wrong....

Amy - posted on 04/14/2009

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thank you all for the advice it has been a hard road so far but she is a very happy girl and very smart, i now feel better about my situation knowing there are other mothers out there going through the same situations. thanks again , God Bless.

Gifty - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hi, am a single mom too with 2 boys and a girl.am in the same situation with you and i just tells them both of us love them very much an dad is living somewhere else, bcs my youngest is 4yrs i can't tell them everything so i just tell them the little that they need 2 no 4 now an make sure not 2 lie 2 them or say anything mean abt their dad which isn't easy believe me. just take it day by day an both of u will be fine. stay blessed.

Michell - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hi single mom,
I am also a single mom with two boys.. One is 6 and the other is 5. Their dad is not in the picture either. I just tell my boys how much their mommy loves them.. 100 million billion, and daddy loves them too, he is just not able to with with them right now, but I love them more than a daddy and mommy put together.. that usually holds them over.. my heart goes out to your lil girl, I hope you get some good responses :)

Betsy - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hey! I am a mother of a 10 year old boy whose father is also not in the picture. It took quite a toll on my son in his first years of school,my fault. I kept him away from everything that had to do with fathers during his daycare/preschool years. I have not told him 100% of the reasons why his dad isnt around. However he does know his dads name and has seen a picture of him. He is also aware that his life is better without his dad at this point in his life (trouble with the law). I will never hide his dad from him or talk bad of his dad. I just hope that I don't turn out as the bad person if they ever do meet. My son is a great and talented child and I think its sad that a man/father wouldn't want to be a part of that life. I have found that with my son seeing a picture of his dad has put him at ease. I would be as honest as possible with your daughter and attempt not to talk negative about him so she can make her own opinions later in life if she ever does meet him.

Tripti - posted on 04/14/2009

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Hey there, I am a mother of a boy ,who will be 6 yrs soon. I lost my hubby last year in june in a plane crash, and i was in similar situation like you, how to tell him and also wat to tell.



But then i made a decision to tell my boy each and evrything but step by step, i started with that his father will not come back and then all about the death and everthing , also i made him believe that his mother is strong enough to take care of everything.

And today he knows evrything and is very fine and behaves very very normal.



Also it helps me cos now that he knows evrything, i share my feeling also, like when i miss my late hubby, i tell him and he hugs me and pat my back.



I believe that a 7 year old can understand everything, and it will help her if you tell her evrything, rather then hiding.

Again just my opinion and experience.Take care .

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