Is 17 old enough to date someone 20?

Michele - posted on 05/15/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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We have lived over here since she was 7 years old and our neighbor was 10. They have basically grown up together but she is still a kid and he is a grown man. They have began calling each other "my future" His mom and I have laid the ground rules since they are so close: in plain sight, if he is over to my house I have to be home or vice versa, no inappropriate touching ie kissing, fondling etc. Now that she is 17 today should it be ok for her to date him?

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Lisa - posted on 05/15/2009

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i would probably let my daughter date him. but only if the guy was really nice and respectablly and i felt that he was really in love with her. but you also have to be carefull cause there might be a sexual relationship going on cause he is older. so you have to consider being ready for that. if u are then i think u should let them date.

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Jaclyn - posted on 05/16/2009

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I think if you have known him and his mom for the past 10 years then you should really know what he is like already. If you feel that he is trust worthy and respectfully of both you and your daughter then i don't see why they can not date. 3 years is not that big of an age gap. As for the being able to buy booze your daughter is going to drink if she wants to drink with or without his help. These days kids have so many ways to get drugs and booze that keeping them from someone you know is not going to stop that. From the sounds of things you raised your daughter right so she wont want to go into that lifestyle anyways. So i say let them try it you never know maybe they will realize that being friends is better for them. Good luck

Jaclyn - posted on 05/16/2009

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I think if you have known him and his mom for the past 10 years then you should really know what he is like already. If you feel that he is trust worthy and respectfully of both you and your daughter then i don't see why they can not date. 3 years is not that big of an age gap. As for the being able to buy booze your daughter is going to drink if she wants to drink with or without his help. These days kids have so many ways to get drugs and booze that keeping them from someone you know is not going to stop that. From the sounds of things you raised your daughter right so she wont want to go into that lifestyle anyways. So i say let them try it you never know maybe they will realize that being friends is better for them. Good luck

Savannah - posted on 05/15/2009

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Now that I can look back, I see that highschool life is a COMPLETELY different world than the world of a working/college adult. It's an awkward age gap because there is so much change that occurs during that 3-4 years; driver's licence, graduation, legal drinking age, etc. I would gauge your decision based on her maturity level and if you feel you are comfortable with her, in effect, having a 21yr old's lifestyle.
I would personally wait until the young man turns 21 and watch from afar if anything changes in his lifestyle or personality. If he is still serious about dating your daughter exclusively then I see no reason to trust her with him.

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if you feel you have a sensible girl then you should give her some respect and trust her to make her own decisions.

Samantha - posted on 05/15/2009

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Maybe I am too consertivitve. However, 20 and 17 are very different ages. 17 you are still in high school and 20 you have been out for at the very least a year, maybe even in college. What happens in a year when he is able to buy alcohol? How mature is your 17 year old, so you think she can handle the pressures of sex, alcohol, and the freedom that he has that she does not. It is tricky. Also keep in mind it may be fine now, but think about the guy what happens if the relationship fails is he going to end up hurt – there are statutory rape laws. Just my thoughts, you know your daughter best.

Kenya - posted on 05/15/2009

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I THINK ITS OK..BECUZ REGARDLESS TO WHAT YOU DO OR SAY YOUR CHILD HAS THEIR OWN MIND..AND WILL DO WHATEVER THEY FEEL IS RIGHT FOR THEM.BUT I DONT THINK ITS TOO BAD

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