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is it ok for my kids to have a stepfather?

Nontokozo - posted on 11/17/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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l am a widow with a 15 year old daughter and an 8 year old son.yesterday my son said he wants a stepfather is it normal. what should l do? l just said to him l will look for him .l dont have a boyfriend do you think he needs a father figure?

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Sharina - posted on 11/20/2009

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awwww.....what a sweet boy! prayers for you and your family Nontokozo! Even an older man who is just a family friend can be good company for your son. Maybe join a local church and seek out a good role model for your son. We all need good role-models.

Dellareese - posted on 11/20/2009

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Yes it is ok for the kids to have a step father...but what about you?? Are you ready for someone in your life?

Gloria - posted on 11/19/2009

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Oh honey your son wants a step father but that don't mean that you have to go get a man, boyfriend or husband. Maybe you can contact a positive male family member that can do guy things with your son and show him how to be a young man. My son is 20 yrs. old and I know that a woman can not raise a boy to be a man, only a man can teach a man How to be a good man. If you don't know anyone that can be more involved with him, get him into a sport/activity for boys, perhaps a spiritual leader can help out. Sometimes coaches/pastors are great male role models. Its very normal for a young boy to want a male in his life and maybe at 8 yrs old he compares that to a step father....his friends may talk about their step fathers. Your daughter can make use of a positive male in her life as well. Our daughters need good men in their lives also, so that they can learn what a good man treats women like. We as mothers can only speak from our own experience and sometimes that is not enough, for our daughters to experience a good relationship with a man is good for comprehension to what she will want in marriage one day. I will pray for you and your family. Be Blessed.

Jamie - posted on 11/19/2009

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it depends how well u know the person...because most stepfathers treat there step kids so different at times not all but most of them so just be more careful who choose wisley

Nontokozo - posted on 11/19/2009

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thank you for helping me out lm not ready to be in a relationship but l will definately use friends from my church l didnt think of it before.thank you singlemoms

Ashley - posted on 11/18/2009

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Of course it is ok!! As previously stated just let your son know that special someone is not easy to find. Do you have male friends? Do they spend time with him? If your not ready to date then a close male friend should do just fine as a "father figure" until that right guy makes it into your lives.

Jennifer - posted on 11/18/2009

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Yes, he totally needs a male role model! That doesn't mean that you have to find a husband but he definitely needs a mentor in his life. I also have a son and I know how hard it is to find a mentor. Unfortunately, my church hasn't been very helpful in stepping up to the plate. In fact, you will find that not very many people will actually step up. I spend my life searching and researching mentoring programs but it seems that unless you are in the inner city or on welfare there isn't much available except Big Brother. I have recenty made a breakthrough with diligent prayer! Don't give up and pray, pray, pray. God will hear you! Pray over your son too (and the girls). In the last week, I have had an entire army get involved with my son! He's such an awesome kid, however, still needs that male guidance that I can't give him. I'm not sure where you live but check out The Mentoring Project on facebook. I'm excited about that taking off in more areas. Looking forward to great things!

Rashida - posted on 11/18/2009

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I don't think u should rush into a relationship but if u eventually meet somebody and he treats u right and accept your kids and treat your kids right why not.

Dannette - posted on 11/18/2009

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Quoting Nontokozo:

is it ok for my kids to have a stepfather?

l am a widow with a 15 year old daughter and an 8 year old son.yesterday my son said he wants a stepfather is it normal. what should l do? l just said to him l will look for him .l dont have a boyfriend do you think he needs a father figure?


If you aren't in a relationship I don't think u should go daddy searching. Get your son involved in church, big brothers, or some form of male mentoring. That would be the responsible thing to do.

Victoria - posted on 11/18/2009

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In my opinion, being the single mom of 4 sons ... yes he needs a "male" figure in his life. However this person doesnt necessarly have to be your bf or a stepfater to him. Check with your church family ... someone might be willing to step in and help guide your son with topics that are hard for boys to discuss with thier moms. Good Luck!

User - posted on 11/18/2009

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I think you should take your time to ease back into the dating scene. It's ok for them to have a stepfather as long as you take the extra precations before introducing him to your kids.Sarah brought up a good idea of getting a big brother as a role model.

Sarah - posted on 11/17/2009

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I'm not sure were your from, but if your looking for a father figure. Look up your community for a "Big brother, Big sister" program. My two sisters and I have been matched since ages 6-8 and I'm now 23 years old and still talk to my big sister, It's a GREAT program!

Tarynn - posted on 11/17/2009

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i'm 24 and i was rasied by my stepdad from 1st grade till he passed away my freshman year. my kids know both there grandpa's even though my real dad is not in my life.... I think that you don't have to remarrie cause thats not the big pic maybe find a good male friend that can do guy things with him so he has another guy to bond with...... Just remember nobody will ever take his dad's place but it is always good to have someone to bond with... hope everything works out...

Nickie - posted on 11/17/2009

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yes it is ok for your kids to have a stepfather as long as your ready to start dating.

Jennifer - posted on 11/17/2009

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I think ever child wants a father figure in thier life. It would be fine for your children to have a step father. Take your time no need to rush into a relationship. Make sure you like the man before bringing him into your kids life. Good luck!

Latoya - posted on 11/17/2009

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yes he does, he may feel like its only girls in the house and he need someone to play with. just don't settle for anybody or the 1st man that comes your way because u wanna satify your son because thats a big mistake.

[deleted account]

Your son would love to have a father figure and if the person is everything he should be...of course it would be ok. How long have you been a widow?? Are you ready to date?? Do you even want a man in your life?? Ask yourself if that is what you want..... You may explain that it is not very easy to find someone special. I wish you lots of luck!!!

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