Joint custody...what to call home?

Christy - posted on 04/24/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 20 month old daughter who sees her dad regularly....she sleeps there once a week and this will increase as she gets older....she is at his house a few times a week as well. I would like my house to be "home base" for her...and daddy's place called "daddy's house", but he has started calling my place "mommy's place" and his "daddy's place". I obviously have no control over what he says and does....but I don't want my place to be referred to as mommy's place. I am worried she will feel like she doesn't have a home. Suggestions?

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Tina - posted on 04/24/2009

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I have a 5yo who stays with his dad one night a week & sees his dad one afternoon a week. when he was younger i always told him that our house was home & he had visits to daddys. You cant stop him saying that but if she is sleeping at your home 6 nights a week, & you call it 'our home' she will eventually work it out as long as you make it clear to her that it is always 'our home' not just mummys home.

Laura - posted on 04/24/2009

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I had this worry. My ex and I split up a year ago. He wasnt the best father but loves our daughter and she him. Eventually I agreed that she could sleep over one night a week.



I would refer to our home as what it was - "home" and daddy's was daddy's. In truth, he let her down and changed his plans for having her that often that she didnt spend that much time there anyway and therefore I dont think she thought of his place as home. I know that he would tell her when she went to his that she was at hers and daddys house but she only ever referred to it as daddys.



I dont see any harm in you calling your place home. Do what I do and ask her questions like "are we going home now?" and "where is our house" as you approach it. My daughter now naturally says "are we going home now?" meaning our house. You cant stop her dad from saying what he is saying but I should think that if your daughter is home with you the most, then she may naturally know your place is home. x

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