just feeling low

Nicola - posted on 04/09/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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hi i've been a single mum since my son was four months old after getting myself out of a incresingly violent relationship. most of the time i'm ok and often i stand back and look at my son (now 18 months) and feel a great sense of pride at what i've accomplished. My son see's his dad twice a week, as there was never anyway to prove to the courts of the violence that took place (it wasn't a one off).

I no i shouldn't feel this way but it irritates me that he wants to take credit for my son being the wonderful little man that he is, i don't stop him from seeing him but when he does and he bring's him back all dirty and tired and hungrey it takes all my strength not to take my son and prevent him from havin contact. Then i hear from friends that he gushes that he's taught him how to do this and that like i'm not in the picture at all. God it's like all i get is the runny noeses and the tantrums and the poverty of raising a child by myself whilst he takes all the praise. when a women is a single mum its just accepted, when a father spends time with their child they are considered a marval. I have never understood that. credit where credits due, after a particularly difficult week with my son and a tummy bug i think single mum's go above and beyond the call of duty, but i for one wouldn't have it any other way. My son is my world i would die for him. i suppose i'm just venting a bit but feel free to comment, what i do want to add is i don't hate men i just had a bad experience with my son's father. thanks

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Sara - posted on 04/17/2009

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my daugter's Dad which i just mentioned above says things like how he always does his little checks when he sees her and makes me feel like i dont clean her right and stuff.

He is a good Dad, i am a good Mum.....

There are times when feel like the worst mum ever but then when my son comes to give me a cuddle after "the storm" i remember that we mothers happen to be humans too :-)

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Emily - posted on 04/17/2009

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Hon you are not alone. I am fortunate to have a great support system but my daughters father decided he wanted nothing to do with her. which is fine by me. I personally don't want her waiting at the door for her dad and he be the kind to keep cancelling. So he gave up custody. Venting helps alot. my best friend is a stay at home mom who keeps my daughter for me while i work. She is a great support system. just remember when you look at your little guy, you have done a great job. when he smiles at you, keep it close to your heart.

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2009

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kids remember far better than adults. your son will know that you ar ethe one 'rollin with the punches', not his dad he sees twice a week. keep up the good work and remember that you are doing the right thing and it always gets better!!

Nicola - posted on 04/17/2009

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i've really found out that i'm not alone in the feelings i have for my ex and the credit that he takes for the upbringing of my son. Thanks in particular to sara franke, your situation seems very simular to mine and i really hope that you manage to gain the courage to leave that violent man of yours, but i always accecpt that when there are children involved it is never that simple and certainly not to be taken lightly. In response to your question: my ex never has showen any violence towards my son he just doesn't like women. If anything ever did start i would put an end to there relationship immediatly. (and prob his life!). I feel that i would have a good sense about those sorts of things as i have always knowen some sort of abuse in my life from the age of eight but i really do know what u mean. When we split up i said he gets one chance i don't owe him anything but i do owe my son a chance. At least then i can say i tried and it's up to him what he does with it. One chance and one chance only. thanks all again feel free to post. nicola xx

Stephinie - posted on 04/17/2009

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You are totally not alone...Ive been there and I know its hard but eventually things get better and your son will love you more for dealing with the runny nose, temper tantrums and all that...he will forget the santa clause dad or the bragging/ taking credit for your hard work...Just keep your chin up and knowp that things could always be worse and will always get better.. :) Good luck

Sara - posted on 04/17/2009

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My son liam went without a dad the first 3 yrs of his life we were "fine"... Then he decides to make up for his past and the things he did to us.... See's Liam.... they get along great, its like they were never apart.... Now he decided i use Liam to blackmail him which i never did or will... Just an excuse for him to live an easier life with his girfriend... i did say "easier" in a sacastic way cause whats so hard seeing his boy once every few months???? its particularly rough for Liam as all this happened just a couple months ago and there's not a day that he doesnt ask about his Dad.

I blame myself for believing his dad and letting him in his life....



I have been bitter towards men for the longest period but i will stay optimistic that there is a special someone for everyone altho i know fairytales dont come true.



Nicola... I too have experienced some violence with my boyfriend ( we are still together and i am wanting to end things if he doesnt change) Truth is everytime he gets loud i fear he might hit me again..... i even called the cops once so he would leave my house.

Things are a bit complicated because we have a beautiful baby girl together and it would break my heart to see him leave, seeing liam has no dad and it is so much better being able to share the growth and progress of your chlid with someone other than ur mother...

If your feelings tell u your son's dad isnt good for him... end things before he gets old enough to understand, else he will be hurt, very hurt like my boy.



Question: Could u imagine him being violent with your son when he looses his patience... kids dont get easier... there will be times especially the terrible two's....

Donna - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hi Nicola,



Being a single mum is hard work and undervalued by all.  I've been on my own (my choice) since my youngest was 3 months.  Im lucky enough to have my mum around and she's been there for me and i now have a good circle of friends.  Take each day as it comes and dont think too far ahead.  You will get there and the time flies by!  My youngest will be 5 in 6 wks and even tho ive had my ups and downs, I have done it and i look back and im proud that my kids have developed into great kids without their father. 



Let him take the credit if that wat makes him feel better but u and the people around u no that it was u that brought him up.  He's not worth worrying about, u just need to concentrate on you and your son x

Jessica - posted on 04/12/2009

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let it out hun, its ok to vent:)



its very testing when u put in all the hard work and the guy makes he is the worlds greatest dad...



xox

Heather - posted on 04/11/2009

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Sentence correction "have told the boys to not get in the car and they have" I meant they haven't sorry

Heather - posted on 04/11/2009

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You are deffinantly not alone in this!! Yeah our children would not be here with out the "sperm doner" but when they only have the kids a couple days a week or in my situation everyother weekend its not fair they take credit for the raising of the child. Here is an example from a situation I have recently been in. My ex is a party animal likes to live it up and get drunk (I did tell him that if I ever hear that he has drank and drove with the boys in the car he would loose visitation and the boys are old enough to inform me and I have told the boys to not get in the car and they have. Wanted to explain because I would not send my boys with their dad if I knew there was going to be trouble) Anyways my son came home one weekend after being with dad and told me someone at the party offered him, my 7 year old a sip of beer. He told the guy no that he was to young to drink. and the man commented to my ex that he has raised a very good boy. So how can my ex take credit for raising a good boy for not taking a sip of beer if number one he is drinking himself and he hangs out with morons that offer a 7 year old a sip of beer. unbelievable!!!



There is not much we can do about it but just ignore it and roll our eyes. We know we are the ones raising them and spending the most time with them and the ones we are close to knows the truth as well.

Good luck to you

[deleted account]

I know what you mean! I guess I just wanted you to know that it wasn't a waste of energy that some one out in this big world read your post and responded lol hope it gets better for you soon!

Nicola - posted on 04/09/2009

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thanks, sometimes u just have to say it even if its just typing it down on your computer. i welcome any comments from others who wish to vent there fustrations.



 

[deleted account]

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the feelings that you have. Not all men are like that I suppose, I have some great guy friends who have proven that to me. But having a toddler and being alone is hard. My son is now 8 yrs old, and let me tell you what for 7 of those wonderful years his father took all the credit for how smart and well behaved my son is, and now he gives me all the credit. I know that we all have our moments where we need to vent and just let it all out. Just hopped on here and wanted to tell you that you are not alone!

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