Lonely

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

Ok, so I knew it would be tough to be a single mommy but I'm doing ok with that part the problem is that all my good friends live far from me. I was on bedrest for 6 months and during that time I really found out who my friends were, and I lost a lot of friends during that time because they never came over to visit. So, know I have a beautiful daughter, no boyfriend, no husband, and only a few friends that live near me. I don't do the bar sceen but meeting people that are around my age with kids everyone seems to be married so then I feel like the 3rd wheel. I just don't know what to do and I need some adult conversation and interaction...anyone going through this or have any suggestions?

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Chloe - posted on 05/24/2009

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Im going through the exact same thing, I also found out who my real friends are honestly i would have to say that the people i associate with, i wouldn't class any of them as friends. You will find a decent man :D as will i one day i hope lol I hate meeting people at bars seriously they are all sooo yuck. If you are keen to meet new people and not feel like a third wheel, try finding a single mums group, where you all meet up and spend the day together with your kids and talk and stuff. Im sure there are some out there :D

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Erin - posted on 05/26/2009

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I know how you feel. I lost a lot of my friends during my marriage. I don't have any single girlfriends to go out with. Plus, none of my friends have kids. I have been trying to connect with some of the parents at my daughters pre-school but again it's the third wheel issue. I have been looking for single mom groups in NJ and haven't had much luck. Let me know how you make out.

Dulce - posted on 05/25/2009

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hi there! i do have the same situation. i do have the same feelings, actually do right now, is accept the reality and enjoy the people whose around you. if your kind boring, and yet you still want to go back to your life style before, sometimes in awhile, why don't you takel a short courses in school so you can meet other friends...

Krista - posted on 05/25/2009

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I understand how hard it can be to be a single mom. I am also and like you, my friends live far away from me. I can't drive so I don't get out of the house much unless it's to church or the groccery store. I also don't do the bar scene; since I've had Connor I try to foucs on him and do what is best for him. I know it can be very lonely being by yourself, but you could try going to church or joining a small bible study group, I don't know what your beliefs are, but that has help me socialize and get out of the box.

Tara - posted on 05/24/2009

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I have gone throrugh it and understand. I'm single again and adjusting to the lonely life many of my friends are either married or live far away and to top it off I have had to move back in with my folks. Not much me time with this. All I can say id hang in there things do get better and you will meet new people try joinging a club or activity you like doing that's a great way to meet new people who share common interests.

[deleted account]

I can totally relate. I am now the single mother of two, ages 2 and 6yrs old, and I work full time and try to be the T-ball mom, funny mommy and all of that. However, I have lost myself. I get depressed and then my weight is too high for my liking and I sit around thinking there is no way I will meet anyone blah blah blah.
But, we are all beautiful and we are all wonderful mommy's or soon to be mommy's and we deserve the best!!
If any of you ever need anything I'm here to chat.
Good luck.

Sue - posted on 05/23/2009

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I been single sence my now 7 year old was 2 I was married for 10 years , all of our friends are now his friends, I would say join a mommy and me group to meet other parents in your area , church groups are good too

Rebecca - posted on 05/23/2009

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I had my daughter at 18 ALONE. I did have my family around but that just is not the same. I surrounded myself with other parents and focused on my daughter. I didn't want a fly by night dad for her so it wasn't till she was five that I me my husband now. I thought I was going to be alone forever. It was worth the wait because he is an amazing father and she adores him. Do you work or go to school? That may help with the adult conversations. It will get eaiser as time progresses. Focus on you and your daughter!!!

Jenny - posted on 05/23/2009

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Erin, I know what you are going through. I have the same kind of problem. It can be really lonely out there. I got pregnant and all my friends without kids no longer understand why I can't go hang out. And all my friends with kids are married. If you can get to a playground or look for play groups that may help. You can at least find adults to have a conversation with. But it is still hard.

Cynthia - posted on 05/23/2009

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You are so pretty, Erin and you will meet someone...try church, a variety until you find one that suits you and your beauiful daughter. A lot have mommys day out, etc and it will help as she grows up...Another idea has been mentioned, forum for meeting other single moms online.

I was married for 17 years to my kiddo's daddy; then I remarried and was with him for almost 10 years so my single status happened almost at the same time I was experiencing the empty nest syndrome...IT was tough; I do not wish that on anyone but it has made me stronger, as it will you!

Friends are such a gift, perhaps those that abandoned you will realize their mistakes...hang in there; what about your parents? cousins? etc...



I have never acted my age, so maybe friends who are not in your age group, too..any hobbies? I know a lot of libraries offer projects and clubs with free babysitting sevices; like learning to scrapbook, etc...I also may attend a womens retreat where someone brings their wee ones and we fight over watching that baby; it is an awesome way to meet other women which will extend into more, etc...



Take her to mommy and me classes and anything that will put you around other people in similar situations...Barnes and Noble, libraries etc..often offer storytime when you both might have a chance to enjoy others. Hope some of this helps and chat :)

Francesca - posted on 05/23/2009

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Hi Erin,
I am in the exactly the same situation. I became a single mom when my son was 4 days old. His father lives out of state and barely participates. The only family I have here is my brother but he has 5 kids and is pretty busy with his own family. I also work from home. And all of my friends are married or engaged. So, its been really hard to have any kind of social life. I am lucky to have my best friend here. But like you, I am the only single mom in my group of friends.
So here are some of the things I have been doing. I joined a single parent network on meetup.com, I just joined a gym that has daycare, I'm dating and I am putting money aside every month for baby sitters so I can go out at least a few nights a month.
I think that regardless of the life your in you have to create the fellowship you crave.

[deleted account]

Quoting Emily:

Hey! i am 9 weeks pregnant and the father lives 700km away from me! Its hard and im so lonely too! But we have to be strong for our kids! where do you live? I want to meet more single moms and we can support each other!



Congrats on the little one!  I am a single mommy, it's hard doing it alone.  You're right we have to be strong for our kids.  I was just told by a friend of mine that I have lost my sense of humar and that I need to get out because I have lost myself in my daughter.  All I want to do right now is cry.  My daughter is my world but I don't have anyone to share it with.  I live in North Aurora, IL.  Where do you live?

Emily - posted on 05/22/2009

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Hey! i am 9 weeks pregnant and the father lives 700km away from me! Its hard and im so lonely too! But we have to be strong for our kids! where do you live? I want to meet more single moms and we can support each other!

[deleted account]

Quoting Shorty:

i know the loney feeling all to well. the only thing i have seen time and time again is single moms have their kids sleep with them to "fill" that side of the bed so it doesn't seem lonely anymore. i would encourage you not to do this because it really doesn't do any good for the kids.
you might find if there is a group near you that might go out once every 2 weeks for different things.
God has blessed me in my life so much. although all of my friends that i live near right now are married we get together and have a "mommies night out" we go do fun things at cheap prices and just spend a few hours remembering what it is like to be a women again you know those days right.. the non-puked on, dressed up nice, and it doesn't have to be bars we never go to bars.
Keep God first and he will fill that loney spot in your life.



It's sounds like you have a good thing going.  Any idea about how I go about meeting people?  I think that has become a big struggle for me too.

[deleted account]

Quoting amy:

hi erin, i dont have answers but know how u feel i recently 2weeks ago become a single mum of 2! (think id lurn the 1st time!) now im living at his world where its his family and friends live in the village i only came here have baby but she had to have a cleft palete which she did last wek n went well! im so proud my 10month old girl taigan i also have a 5year old whoms a handfull say leaste! so im going bak portugal for support from My mum but thats not till september! (need save up) so at mo i in rented flat in his village which is picturess but im still lonley n finding it hard as he moved out last week i also am finding out whom my TRUE friends are. going to mums groups are helping keeping busy ! it wen the kids sleep i find hardest its so quiete n empty n thats wen i need / want a cuddle told all ok but instead tidy n go sleep on my own which is hard but in time be ok i know just got belive there is lite through that tunnel! stay possitve n all will b ok :) if need chat amy marish :)



I'm sorry about your situation how hard that must be for you.  It's amazing how fast you find out who your TRUE friends are.  Yea when LilaRay is sleeping that's the hardest, I get sad and don't want to do anything so I sit and watch tv and then I get upset because my house is a mess but I don't feel like doing anything.

Shorty - posted on 05/22/2009

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i know the loney feeling all to well. the only thing i have seen time and time again is single moms have their kids sleep with them to "fill" that side of the bed so it doesn't seem lonely anymore. i would encourage you not to do this because it really doesn't do any good for the kids.

you might find if there is a group near you that might go out once every 2 weeks for different things.

God has blessed me in my life so much. although all of my friends that i live near right now are married we get together and have a "mommies night out" we go do fun things at cheap prices and just spend a few hours remembering what it is like to be a women again you know those days right.. the non-puked on, dressed up nice, and it doesn't have to be bars we never go to bars.

Keep God first and he will fill that loney spot in your life.

Amy - posted on 05/21/2009

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hi erin, i dont have answers but know how u feel i recently 2weeks ago become a single mum of 2! (think id lurn the 1st time!) now im living at his world where its his family and friends live in the village i only came here have baby but she had to have a cleft palete which she did last wek n went well! im so proud my 10month old girl taigan i also have a 5year old whoms a handfull say leaste! so im going bak portugal for support from My mum but thats not till september! (need save up) so at mo i in rented flat in his village which is picturess but im still lonley n finding it hard as he moved out last week i also am finding out whom my TRUE friends are. going to mums groups are helping keeping busy ! it wen the kids sleep i find hardest its so quiete n empty n thats wen i need / want a cuddle told all ok but instead tidy n go sleep on my own which is hard but in time be ok i know just got belive there is lite through that tunnel! stay possitve n all will b ok :) if need chat amy marish :)

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