My babys father is depressing me.

Jasmine - posted on 03/21/2011 ( 29 moms have responded )

10

0

0

I have a 9 month old daughter Audrina... I love her to death. but her dad seriously treats me like crap... he goes out every weekend (when i beg him not to go out and drink anymore { usually he promises me he wont anymore} ) and ignores my phone calls and text messages the whole weekend. I get really upset a lot of the time and just stay home * @ my parents house * and mostly cry and cry.... to the point where i dont feel like taking care of her anymore...then he calls me the next day and apologizes and makes things better... i always push him to try and change him into a better person i try so hard to make us into a family. im 19 and hes 21, i dont know what to do. im becoming so depressed and when i try to talk to his mom and tell her whats going on she just defends him and says thats how he is and if i love him i should just learn how to deal with him... his family is also very controlling over the baby... sometimes i just think to myself wth have i gotten myself into for having a baby with him and his controlling family... i dont know if i will ever get over him sometimes i wish i didnt love him or he was compleltly out of my life.. but i know if i some how leave with the baby he will end up getting the whole court system involved? im so depressed and feel so stuck in this...i know me and her deserve better but i cant get myself to move on i just take his crap. & i feel like hes not changing anytime soon.... anyone else been through what im going through or felt this way??? and btw sometimes i honestly feel like just giving up and giving my baby to him and being like you can take responsibility now and just leave forever.. i cant take this anymore

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

SWEETBETTY - posted on 04/02/2011

24

11

6

"A mother's love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking” -author unknown

Read that, even though the heart is breaking. That love you have for him is the "my family" love. He's a part of you and that part you're not going to forget but somehow someday you will just put it on ur side. I know it hurts, I been through alot myself and it all started when I was just 15 years old. I had to make choices that not even my mom could have helped me but with blood tears, I did it. and so can you!!!!
We mothers have the instinct to want to help change others, its in our nature but we also have a hard time realizing that we can't change everything. Somethings have to change on their own, and being that he doesn't want to change...he is human and you have to let him realize that enough is enough. Don't take that charge on yourself, let him do that. Your doing your mother job, taking care of your daughter and yourself. I'm not saying you don't need to help but help in a way for him to see it himself. For instance, you do what you need to dom if your working, go to work, enjoy ur lunch break, take extra care of your daughter in case anything goes into court, be there if he wants to talk. He wants to take a break, fine let him. He wants to work it out (if u really want to) then try it, BUT you have to maintain that positive note in ur head that you have to keep going no matter what in ur life. keep working or school, what ever ur doing. When he sees your moving on up, theres a chance he would want to do something too. Even if just staying home doing nothing, he might relapse and go out but you again, keep doing what YOU need to do yourself and ur daughter. If your not going to school, go part time. He has a problem then say your doing it for the family, inlcude him. Why include him because inside your mind you need to keep telling yourself I HAVE TO KEEP MOVING!! Because you don't know what tomorrow holds and as your child grows, she will she that no matter the obstacles in ur way, you keep on moving. Yes, your going to cry again because you love him. But ask yourself this...Am I willing to keep crying and hurting myself and my child for this man? Or...Can I keep this pain that he gives me another month, or another year?
If you answer yes, then your accepting all negative pains coming from him and you shouldn't. You control yourself and your emotions, don't let him who is outthere doing as he please to control you in that way.
Again, I know is hard but keep asking those questions to yourself and look in the mirror and if you can't then do something. Move ahead in life, hey reverse psychology helps alot. (thats the part where you u move ahead in life and u let him be part of it making him see it without you insulting or making him do anything.) lol it works, I did it and many others have.
try to enjoy ur day and be safe!!! If you ever need to chat dont hesitate to contact me. Please keep in touch!!

hugs!!!!!
Little by little each day that you cry, you will find a reason to keep your baby and strive to be happy. Because you will get tired one day and stop crying for something that is putting you down.

Krystal - posted on 04/02/2011

7

0

1

Yeha if u dont get out in go threw it now, u wil be im my situation, read my conversation post...abusive/drug user baby dad. It may help u in makeing ur decision. I wish I wold have stuck to my guns why my daughter was that young,instead of still haveing her drug threw all this now at the age of 6. And believe me his mom is the same way, but it doesnt change that u are the mother no matter what. And that is one thing I keep in mind is no matter what they cant keep her from me forever, as long as im a fit mom. but my problem now is I waited to long ad now im in a real jam, but if I would have done something bout it when my daughter was ur daughters age it would be over by now, just read my post.

Edna - posted on 03/24/2011

18

29

2

In all honesty you really need to talk to someone face to face because depression is a serious thing that can lead to some very bad choices. But I must advise you not to give up hope, a change will come for the better in your situation

Audrey - posted on 03/31/2011

14

9

2

I know exactly how you feel. My ex left us 2 days before Christmas. I was so upset I could do nothing but sit in my room and cry. I felt like I was neglecting my children and that made me even more depressed. I finally called my mom and told her I couldn't pretend I was ok anymore. It hurt me so bad because I still loved him even though he treated me so horrible. The past three months have been very hard but I'm getting stronger. I just try to surround myself with people I know love me, like friends and family. I still feel sad about him some times. I know it's very hard but just stay strong and try to spend as much time as you can with people who are supportive and who love you!

Laural - posted on 05/09/2011

61

1

0

I can't understand why women are so unhappy when they are with somebody who treats them like crap and is a big baby. The best thing he could have done is break up with you. In time, you will see that. You do not need somebody like this in your life. He is selfish and childish. He is neither boyfriend or husband material. You were a good time for him. When that was over and reality hit him in the face, he bailed. You do not want a loser like that. Focus on your baby. Get some help to get your depression under control. You are very young with your whole life ahead of you. Don't give this man-child another second of your time. STOP calling him. STOP talking to his controlling parents.Quit looking at his Facebook page. Stop texting him. He is NOT worth it and will only cause you grief.

29 Comments

View replies by

Alicia_reid_702 - posted on 11/02/2018

2

0

0

Focus on your child. Men come and go. Sad to say its not fair but once he sees you moving better, more independent, and determined to be happy, then he will come back crawling. Don't fall for it. Let him prove to you first.

Alicia_reid_702 - posted on 11/02/2018

2

0

0

Thank you SO much for sharing. Honestly, a lot of good women are with the wrong men. He should want to see you happy you are the mother of his child and babies feed off of energy.

R0sa - posted on 02/06/2013

2

0

0

Welll im 19 &im qunna have my firstt baby.it was a bigg sh0ck thatt i q0t preqnant butt was really happy the dad iss a hard w0rkinq quy &treats me riqhtt.we w0uld never fiqht &never arque we were what y0u call a happy c0uple.when we f0und 0ut ii was preqnant we riqht away m0ved in..&iit was perfect with us except hes family was really mean t0o us..att that time he didnt have a j0b becuz he q0t hurt att w0rk &n0b0dy wanted t0o hire him.his m0m was threateninq t0o take his car away &she kept askinq f0r m0ney thatt he didnt have.itt was a niqhtmare.we c0uldnt take it s0o i ask my m0m if we kuld m0ve in with her..i let her kn0w my situati0n &she was with 0pen arms.as0on as we m0ved in itt q0t al0t better.myy family t0ok him in as if he was appart 0f 0ur family my m0m w0uld qive us qas m0ney s0o we kuld q0o 0ut.she w0uld qive us s0o much..ii was the 0nly 0ne w0rkinq att the time &with 350 d0llars every 2weeks itt was a struqqle but itt never q0t inbetween 0ur l0ve f0r each0ther..my qrandma q0t him a j0b at a fact0ry witch helped al0tt my family l0ved him &tryed helpinq us as much as p0ssible..he was happy t0o be w0rkinq aqain.theyy were qivinq him a raise att 0nly 2m0nths w0rkinq &made him supervis0r..i was s0o pr0ud 0f him.but wen ii was ab0ut 6m0nths we beqan t0o fiqhtt ii was always upset att him &very em0ti0nal.itt q0t t0o a p0int where we were arquinq and ii hit him in the chest and pushed his face away fr0m me..simce then 0ur relati0nship was q0in d0wn the drain..ii had app0liqized t0o him becuz iit wasnt riqht f0r me t0o put my hands 0n him but he f0rqave me.i started t0o n0tice he wasnt really payinq any attenti0n t0o me 0r happy spendinq time with me..im 7m0nths n0w &he ended upp leavinq me &went back t0o live with his m0m becuz we were fiqhtinq t0o much &he didnt want 0ur relati0nship t0o end..ii was heart br0ken butt underst0od him.he pr0mised that everythinq was qunna be the same but we were just n0t qunna live with each0ther..itt isnt like thatt atall he never calls me 0r texts me never c0mes t0o see me..n0thinq atall &the w0rse part is we are neiqhb0rs..hes n0w q0in 0ut 0n the weekend t0o wh0 kn0w where &just f0rq0t all ab0ut me..im tryinq t0o make thinqs riqht s0o we kuld have a happy family t0qether like we planned but all iii see is him pushinq away &qivinq my family attitude like they never helped him..i d0nt kn0w what t0o d0o ii d0nt want myy lil b0y qr0winq up with his m0m &dad seperated..butt ii d0ntt wanna f0rce my babies dad t0o c0me back jist becuz 0f 0ur baby..ii justt d0nt kn0w what t0o d0o..

R0sa - posted on 02/06/2013

2

0

0

Welll im 19 &im qunna have my firstt baby.it was a bigg sh0ck thatt i q0t preqnant butt was really happy the dad iss a hard w0rkinq quy &treats me riqhtt.we w0uld never fiqht &never arque we were what y0u call a happy c0uple.when we f0und 0ut ii was preqnant we riqht away m0ved in..&iit was perfect with us except hes family was really mean t0o us..att that time he didnt have a j0b becuz he q0t hurt att w0rk &n0b0dy wanted t0o hire him.his m0m was threateninq t0o take his car away &she kept askinq f0r m0ney thatt he didnt have.itt was a niqhtmare.we c0uldnt take it s0o i ask my m0m if we kuld m0ve in with her..i let her kn0w my situati0n &she was with 0pen arms.as0on as we m0ved in itt q0t al0t better.myy family t0ok him in as if he was appart 0f 0ur family my m0m w0uld qive us qas m0ney s0o we kuld q0o 0ut.she w0uld qive us s0o much..ii was the 0nly 0ne w0rkinq att the time &with 350 d0llars every 2weeks itt was a struqqle but itt never q0t inbetween 0ur l0ve f0r each0ther..my qrandma q0t him a j0b at a fact0ry witch helped al0tt my family l0ved him &tryed helpinq us as much as p0ssible..he was happy t0o be w0rkinq aqain.theyy were qivinq him a raise att 0nly 2m0nths w0rkinq &made him supervis0r..i was s0o pr0ud 0f him.but wen ii was ab0ut 6m0nths we beqan t0o fiqhtt ii was always upset att him &very em0ti0nal.itt q0t t0o a p0int where we were arquinq and ii hit him in the chest and pushed his face away fr0m me..simce then 0ur relati0nship was q0in d0wn the drain..ii had app0liqized t0o him becuz iit wasnt riqht f0r me t0o put my hands 0n him but he f0rqave me.i started t0o n0tice he wasnt really payinq any attenti0n t0o me 0r happy spendinq time with me..im 7m0nths n0w &he ended upp leavinq me &went back t0o live with his m0m becuz we were fiqhtinq t0o much &he didnt want 0ur relati0nship t0o end..ii was heart br0ken butt underst0od him.he pr0mised that everythinq was qunna be the same but we were just n0t qunna live with each0ther..itt isnt like thatt atall he never calls me 0r texts me never c0mes t0o see me..n0thinq atall &the w0rse part is we are neiqhb0rs..hes n0w q0in 0ut 0n the weekend t0o wh0 kn0w where &just f0rq0t all ab0ut me..im tryinq t0o make thinqs riqht s0o we kuld have a happy family t0qether like we planned but all iii see is him pushinq away &qivinq my family attitude like they never helped him..i d0nt kn0w what t0o d0o ii d0nt want myy lil b0y qr0winq up with his m0m &dad seperated..butt ii d0ntt wanna f0rce my babies dad t0o c0me back jist becuz 0f 0ur baby..ii justt d0nt kn0w what t0o d0o..

Karina - posted on 09/14/2012

8

0

2

Gurl, I few months ago, I separated from my baby daddy ( I have a 18 months old son and my daughter will be born in 2 months) I can't tell you to leave him, cause I was in the same situation..and I still love him and It's hard cause a week after I left he found someone else and he is doing his own thing, and he blames on me..It's hard but think about your daughter...I thought my baby daddy will change but they won't change cause of you or their kids, they going to change cause they really want too...I left him no cause of me, I left him cause I didn't want my kids to grow up like that....It's hard and believe me I still dream that he will change and come back to me, but I don't see that happening..I was with him for 7 years and he never change.. He is 22 and he still doing drugs, drinking and party...My son was exposed of cocaine, he could of die...and I can't never forgive myself for that...My baby daddy is telling me that he is going to take me to court and take my kids away..But I have proof that he is an unfit parent, If your baby daddy wants to take you to court, let him do it, cause you can prove that he is not safe around your girl...Think about your daughter, she doesn't deserve this...I'm telling you is not easy and I still love him with all my heart, and everyone judges me for that but I give up thinking he will change, and I know he will always treat me like crap...Believe if you leave him, it will be hard but it's the best thing you can do for your daughter and yourself...By the way remember no matter what his mom always will be his mom, so of course she is gonna defend him, I recommend you not talk to her or any of his family about him...

[deleted account]

Hi my name is Amanda I'm 25 years old and the guy i'm talking about is going to be 33! I just wanted to say that you need to let go of this guy..He will never change..It hasnt then and it wont now.All i wanted was a family..Shoot i didn't want to have any kids til i was at least 26 and knew i was with someone that would be there and to start a family with but doesn't always go as planned..I Knew him for 4 years, and 3 years ago we became official and i ended up pregnant a couple months after.Before i got pregnant i was having a lot of fun but when i did that's when things changed because i had to and if he really wanted to make things work he would have when i got pregnant or after i had her but it never happened..The only thing he changed was getting a job around home, cuz he always worked on the road, but i think part of why he got a job around home was cuz he was laid off from his other job and that was when our daugher was almost a year old but things just got worse...My friends and family tried to get me to see it but i didnt want to cuz i thought well things have been going so good but as soon as they got good and i gave in, it was back to the same crap..Drinking was the problem..He's lied to me about it, ending up in jail over it, never had a license cuz he lost it like 7 years ago over it, gets abusive from it, lives with his dad and just doesn't have his crap together.Its the way he was raised up and what he knows..His dad is like that and so was his grandpa..They are always trying to make people feel so sorry for them and i use to but now i see thru the bull crap! His family is all full of drinkers so they will believe what he says. Dont get me wrong i do like them all but but as they say "blood is thicker than water".He has another daughter who is ten and there were issues with the mother of that child to in the relationship..I love that child and it was part of why i stuck around was for her and of course cuz of our daugher and i wasn't quite set up finacially..Im a stay at home mom but do daycare for my sisters kids since my daugher was a month old so that i could still make money to pay my bills and then he took care of the food and things that were needed for our daughter and in all reality, he never really helped out with her and still doesnt. I finally had enough after a night out and he wents nuts in front of my mom and friend and my mom seen it and she said thats it, you are DONE! Granted what i do is my choice but she and all my friends and family are right, Enough is enough! I lost one friend over him because i took his side kind of over hers but i still spoke my mind to him about it.. And i have been sticking with it..Its only been 3 weeks but im not gonna keep going thru it..He badgers me about things and he is really the one doing the crap..He tries to tell me he is done drinking and gonna get help and here he is really still drinking and doing the same crap..I deserve to go out once a week, especially cause i'm with our daughter 24/7 and he gives me sooo much crap from it and blows up my phone non-stop..Im To the point of putting a restraining order on him..Sorry for ranting out my issues but I DESERVE better and WILL find better and so do YOU and YOU will TOO!! Stay strong for your child..Do NoT give him the statisfication..Be the best mom you can be and things will come into play..She needs you more than anything!!

Kerry Leigh - posted on 09/10/2012

1

0

0

hi i know this post was a while ago but i just stumbled upon it and am having the same problem... i gave birth to my 4th son in march of this yr and my supposedly partner has proven himself to be basically useless.. hes a good person when sober but last week was at work and knew i was on my last nappy so i text saying pls remember to bring some home... i didnt see him or hear anything until the next morning when i had a text hed been drinking with his bunch of friends who ive heard are like a bunchv 15yr olds...ive now sent him packing as im too hurt by him.. hes supposed to be there for us.. theres countless things like this hes done, like he wanted us to get pregnant and i had to buy everything when i was pregnant.. he just sat back and left it to me.and his mum.. dnt get me wrong when hes sober hes the loveliest placid man you could meet but after a drink not at all.... i cant take much more, i feel more in control when hes not here anyway but am just so sad as my baby will grow without a dad just like my other 3 theyr from a previous. what would you do?? xx

Judy - posted on 05/09/2011

11

25

0

Oh, sweetie! I just read your post and all of the comments and felt that I had to write you. I'm older than you are, (I'm 43) but when get your self worth from a man, it doesn't matter how old you are! It unfortunately takes some of us longer to learn. I was 30 when I left my first husband and then met Mr. Wonderful. He swept me off my feet and promised me the world. We had a long distance relationship for a year, (maybe if I lived in the same town, I would have found out earlier about his cheating). We married and I soon became pregnant. He was always gone (said he was working), and began treating me horribly. At first it was emotional abuse, when my daughter was born, the physical abuse began when I found out he'd been cheating. I made him go to therapy, and church because I didn't want another divorce. He began using drugs. I was just about to leave when I learned I was pregnant with our son. The physical abuse escalated. I tried to make it work. All I ever wanted was to have a family. I tried until my son was 3 years old. He continually relapsed and the physical abuse got worse until I knew that one of us was not going to make it out alive. I didn't think that I could make it on my own. I haven't worked since my children were born. It's been 4 years now since I've left and 3 years since the divorce. It has taken this long to heal. I knew that I, too, was sick when I considered going back to him because I missed him so much and I wanted my family intact. But I was only wanting the "fantasy" family that we had; because I was the only one who cared for my children. He is a 43 year old child who goes from woman to woman when his drug abuse hasn't landed him in jail. When he IS working, he works for cash so Child Support Enforcement won't garnish his wages. He sees the kids only when he's trying to impress some poor woman into thinking he's a "family man". Hon, you are young, and have the world at your feet. Get out of that bed and wake up from the fantasy that he's going to "man-up". Maybe a miracle will occur, but in the meantime, you are all that your daughter has! Get on some anti-depressants if your DR. recommends them, and get back in school. There is assistance for you and your daughter for you to become self-sufficient. Then, when you find a man who's going to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve and treat your daughter with the love that she deserves; you will be able to not be dependent on him alone. You might miss him for quite a while, because you loved him. But sometimes love isn't enough. It has to be a two-way street. God bless.

Melanie - posted on 05/06/2011

32

39

11

Just got done reading everyone else's post Jasmine fight get medical attetion do all these things these wise women are saying to do. You and your daughter are waying heavy on m y heart and I will be praying for you daily until you g et that breakthrough. I will pray and then have faith that your situation i s gonna get better. I never thought I'd get out of my abusive environment parent's house but I'm going apartment shopping and can getone this June 3rd and Jobs and Family Services is paying my security deposit and first months rent or at least ne of those. It took 7 long years of moving from place to place getting taken advanage of....but things finall worked out the best for me . I think it would be helpful if you haven't graduated highschool to g et your ged and once ou do that find something you love to do get tr ained to do it or be a cashier a waitress a fast food worker. I briefly worked as a social worker in 2002 but my main bread and butter was from McDonald's and Cashiering at an upscale grocery store. In 2006 when I was finally awarded my disability it was pretty big since I had worked since I was 14.

Melanie - posted on 05/06/2011

32

39

11

Girl you need to drop him like yesterday's newspaper. He obviously does not have your needs or the baby's needs at heart. He's 21 and legal to drink and that's probably all he wants to do and I pray for you really I will that tthat changes but if might not ever change. You need to seek medical attetion for your depression mental health treatment. there has got to be a clinic in your area and there is always like one clinic that tkes Medicaid or will go by your income. Your post really scares me. Your daughter is all you got. The father of my baby I was married to for 11 months cheated on me took all my unemployment physically, emotionally, mentally abused me and mistreated me sexually. I didn't even want to be a mom. I earned a degree in social work and my dream was to work in my state of Ohio's capital, Columbus then move on to the big leagues in Washington DC as a policy maker. You know what now I get a disabiiity check and my son gets money from his dad's social security since his dad was so old when he died social security pays a sizeable amount of money to me every month and he gets that money till he's like 18 or 21. And I'll get my money ffor life...I am a born again Christian and I believe in the power of God to change hearts lives and situations! I WILL be praying for you Jasmine, what a beautiful name. Your baby girl will bring you so much joy if you get your eyes of f this man shirking his responsibilities and focus on what should be the most important thing in your life u nless you believe in a HIgher Power....and that's your daughter.

Joan - posted on 05/05/2011

2

2

0

sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't know your situation, but I would focus on starting your own career so you can economically support yourself and your child. Don't allow yourself to be treated poorly, move on, and enjoy being a Mom and get the respect you deserve from good friends. I hope you have a support network.

Mabebe - posted on 05/05/2011

3

10

0

honestly, i think you are better off without him, i must say the day when i ordered my ex to pack his bags and leave me alone, i was the most happiest. i went through the pregnancy, giving birth and raising my 4 months old daughter by myself because i could not imagine having a man/father who is never there because he finds going out on drinking sprees to be a priority. its over for a year now and i am happily single and a great mother to my daughter. i have marked the day i helped him pack his bags and its a day of celebration for me. i could care less about her dad especially after the birth when he showed no interest and all that he ever do is to call and order me around about the child he doesnt even love enough to make sacrifices for. im sorry for your part and that his relationship with you matters so much. Please find joy in raising yo daughter in order for her to become a strong woman!!! A child is a blessing, u need to see it that way and as for him, just let him be. im happier with my daughter because she is not going to be exposed to some irregular lifestyles that only leads to destruction. be strong for your child, wipe away yo tears and show him, he is not a better man by becoming a best mom to your daughter. wish u all the best!!! care for those who care for you and pray for those who dont care for their own blood!

Donna-Marie - posted on 04/02/2011

6

33

0

Jasmine....STOP! Take a deep breath and in fact go and run yourself a bath and I mean a really warm bubbly bath where all the bubbles smother you in the water. Lay back in the bath and look up to the ceiling and...STOP! Don't think about him for a moment completely remove him from your mind whilst you are in such a calm and relaxing environment. Think about Audrina. See her gorgeous face, can you smell the baby smell that you have been surrounded by since having her especially at bath time...I know it's the best. Bath time...play time. See her smiles. Feel her holding onto you for support, keeping her safe in an environment that she feels unsure. This is no different, she is in an environment that is unsure, unstable, unhappy for her mum therefore unhappy for her. She needs to be taken to a safe place by you her mum, who is everything to her and loves her unconditionally. You see, your ex had conditions atached to his love for you hence the reason why he chose to walk away. It was all about HIM.
Think about why you chose to have Audrina because it is in fact all about HER. It's because you love your daughter. Think about why you went through the pain of labour. It's because you love your daughter. Why are you trying to get answers on here to deal with your problem. It's because you love your daughter. If you did not, you would have left her like you say you keep thinking about doing, you would have told his family to have her, but you have not. You are probably tired, worn down by the negative that you have been living in for too long now it seems. You have tried for too long to make sense out of nonsense and you will never accomplish anything other than continued confusion so...STOP!
How much do you love your daughter...I need not ask. She is your everything isn;t she?
Do you know where your nearest Health Centre is and if so can you appoint to meet with your Health Visitor and also an appointment with your GP as you sound as though you do need to have some advice from both. Please look at this link:
http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Depressi...(Post-Natal).htm
You really need to speak to your mum and ask her to look after Audrina so that you can go to the Health Centre and GP to get yourself back on track (be positive about why you are making these appointments, let your mum see that you mean business) where you want to be.
You are so weak in yourself and your mind will follow your body's behaviour so if you think sad things, you will not be motivated to do alot. Try crying and watching a brilliant comedy sketch. The tears will not last for long as your body language will change your mindset and laughter changes your body form and energy levels flowing within. Acceptance is the key as well. Accept that he has gone and EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Now if he had lots of positives for you to fight and hold onto I would tell you what they were because you would have stated them here but you have only told us reasons why you and Audrina will be better moving on and starting afresh with him only as her father with visitation rights but not as her role model, cheer leader and responsible parent because he is not that person. He still hs a lot of growing up to do. His negative ways are not behaviours that I or you would want for our daughter's boyfriend. Yes, if Audrina had a boyfriend like him, take the advice that you would give to her...STOP!

Do that and I guarantee the young lady that has expressed openly what she is going through hell will suddenly find the strength, wisdom and passion to help her daughter by doing whatever it takes to survive without that kind of a man in her life.

I know you will do it, because you can. We are all here for you. Keep us posted. To your success.
Enjoy the journey as you are going to come out of this more mature and definitely a more responsible and capable mum.
:0)

Lauren - posted on 04/01/2011

66

28

5

Heyy lovely :)

Aww gosh that guy of your seems a waste of space, i have gone through a similar situation with my ex he treated me like absoulte crap, he said he would stand by me throughout my whole pregnancy and when it came to it he hasnt been there atall throughout my whole pregnancy, ive just gone through it with my family and friends support, i tell you what i duno what i would of done without them, because he really broke me down, since i moved here all he has done it cause stress and just been vile to me, he never asked how me and his unborn son was, and to this day hasnt, he hasnt been intouch for over a month and im due in 13days now, so that says alot, and i have gone through all them feelings but at the end of the day i have just closed the door, i have given him chance after chance and i couldnt do much more, and his mother was vile to me aswell she thought she was someone, and because he was such a mummy's boy he would just go along with whatever his mum said, argh winds me up thinking about them, hate him for the way he has treated me and my family and importantly his unborn son, i'll never forgive him!
All i can say to your situ is you got to find that strength inside to make the right decision for you and your baby, as much as loving so much and leaving them hurts, as i know, sometimes you got to do it to make you happy and make him realise what he is missing, and if he truly wants to stand by you, you will know because he will come running back, but you got to be strong and just make the right decision do not think you have to take all the crap him and his family say and do, because its not fare on you and Audrina, just remember you pair deserve to be happy and if he acts the way he does with you he's too imature to be a dad!

It Frustrates me the fact these guys just do what the hell they want and know full well it will be us who have to look after the babies no matter what, and they think they can still just go about there business like they were before they had babies on the way.. they make me sick!

Keep smilin huni, your doing a fab job of bringing up Audrina and i am always here for a chat when you need one :)

Cashca - posted on 04/01/2011

13

10

1

wow Listen I am a single mother, and id just like you to know that as hard as it is i wouldnt have it any other way, i have an amazing man in my life who isnt my sons father but he treats him well, you deserve to feel good about yourself your baby feeds off you, and i know how hard it is being a young mom especially when you go through it alone which seems like you sort of are, and you know what hun if he gets the court system involved well so be it be strong enough to fight for whats best for you and your daughter xxx sending strenghth

Jasmine - posted on 03/31/2011

10

0

0

I know i honestly try, but me and him live in the same town know the same people so i hear and know everything that i rather not know and everyone gets in our business... making it worse... and i wish that this feeling can go away so i can just focus on my daughter but its too damn hard i feel like i cant even take care of myself right let alone take care of her. i hate all this drama that comes with having babys... and sometimes i do wish i had family that lived out of state that i can just get up and take my daughter and live there for a while to get away but i dont. i stopped calling and texting him around 6 hrs ago... he hasnt even attempted to try and fix things or call or anything ; but at the same time when we were together he really treats me like crap i dont know whats wrong with me i wish i was as strong as some of you ladies here! i love reading everyones replies and going on other convos seriously i feel like im not alone....but i wish i had more supporting friends where i live because they all dont have babys so they all dont do things i can really do at all any time so its so hard.

Jasmine - posted on 03/31/2011

10

0

0

I know I honestly dont understand why my emotions make me become this way? I always feel guilty about not paying attention to her when im crying and just upset....... but i cant be around her. its starting to make me hate him and my life more because he makes become this way :(

Melissa - posted on 03/31/2011

441

41

31

Ok, I've been known to be kind of blunt and to the point, so hopefully I don't offend you, but sweetie I'm telling you you're wasting your time. I've been with men like that, and believe me there is nothing that is going to change him. For your sake and for your daughter's sake I STRONGLY suggest getting out of the relationship. I understand your desire to keep your family together, but above that you need to think about what is best for your daughter. The older she gets the more she is going to see his behavior and your reactions, and she's going to grow up thinking it's okay for a man to treat her the way her father is treating you (WHICH IS NOT OKAY!!!). Also, your becoming depressed over this relationship is effecting the way you're taking care of her, which isn't fair to her. She deserves the best of you, and because of your inability to let this boy go (and I mean BOY), she's not getting what she deserves. It's never easy to put your hands up and say "I quit", it's never easy to throw in the towel, especially when you love someone, but you need to put your daughter and her best interest before your feelings and emotions.

Jasmine - posted on 03/31/2011

10

0

0

hey guys i just got back on this site............... i havent yet read everyones posts... but to update everyone he just broke up with me today.... i am going crazy and crying crying...... i cant stop calling him or texting him. he got his facebook back and just now talking to girls i honestly hate this i feel like i cannot do this.. when i feel this way i cant be around my daughter for some reason . i just cant help myself, i cant stop crying and i do feel like giving up a lot. i dont want to be in this forever. i have no idea what to do... i love her so much but i cant be around her when im so heart broken over her father. i dont know how these other moms do it but i cant. i honestly just leave and drive around crying and leave her with my parents. im sorry if i sound crazy im just really upset... and he wont answer my calls. he broke up with me because he cant take the stress and wants to be single and free now.

Katrinia - posted on 03/28/2011

16

49

1

A quick word of advice....WHEN YOUR HEAD OVERRULES YOUR HEART, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO BREAK THE TIE!!!!

I heard that many a time while my drug dealing, wife beating, cheater of an ex and I were together. Until I got tired of being his stomping mat and treated like crap and found my self-worth, I was hopeless. It took me being beaten while I was pregnant to make me quite fearing him and his threats of death....if he was going to do it...then he damn well better.

Your self-worth has been demeaned by him and his family and you need to realize you ARE worth something not just to yourself but to your baby! You are something that nobody else is...your baby's mom.

You don't see things clearly when you are blinded by love. What he is doing to you is mentally abusive and his family is buying into it. I bet they are the type that says you are supposed to take it but if they have daughters their girls aren't supposed to....been there done that....

Love is about being treated with respect, mutually, about caring for one another through the good times and bad NOT one person making the other feel like absolute crap about themself....that is NOT love.....

You want to see love?! Look into your baby's eyes when you pick them up for a hug or to feed them a bottle/breast. Say your baby's name and watch their entire face light up....THAT is love....Don't let him force you to give up on yourself that way. Be the one your baby can look to and say...wow, what an amazing mother I have....She did what she felt was best and did the best she could....

Robin - posted on 03/28/2011

2

15

0

Number one, NEVER give up your baby to someone you don't feel is worthy of YOUR time. Think of how badly your daughter will suffer without you there...with his family and him not caring about her. i can tell you now, that if you leave her there, you will more than likely lose custody, As soon as you leave his family will be hurt, and take you to court. Trust me, I have been around the system for a long time. Read up on custody rights/law in your state. be informed because if his family is controlling, they will try for custody more than likely. The way you feel now is NOT how you are going to feel 2 or 3 years from now. You gave birth to that baby...NOT THEM!! Stand up for what is yours, and do what is right by her, Being a parent is about sacrifice. I was a single mom for a long time. I was in a dead end relationship with almost the same exact scenario as you. Save $$ and GET OUT!!!! Best thing i have ever done. Take your time, plan well, and have everything in place as much as possible before you leave. Start small. Get an apartment, save for a desposit. Even a little (100,00). Trust me, once you are proactive about making yourself happy, the rest will fall into place. Make a timeline of your goals to leave. 3 months, 5 months...just start. If things get better, then they get better! If they dont, well then you have options. It is an unhealthy environment for your daughter. You were put on earth to nurture, guide and protect that baby. You are her mom, NO ONE will ever love her like you do. Take care of her..do NOT leave her. Think of how she would feel about that when she is your age. Hurt.

Crystal - posted on 03/25/2011

61

8

3

Big {{HUGS}}. I've been there. My ex is an alcoholic, no matter what I did to change him, to help him, he wouldn't quit drinking. I found myself hitting rock bottom way before he did. Then I realized that no matter what I do, I can't change another person's behavior, the only thing I can do is change MY reaction to their behavior and do what is best for my child. My choice was to leave. I loved him with all of my heart and it was one of the hardest things I had to do, but in time I realized it was also the best thing I had done. Only you know what to do in your relationship. You are the only person who can figure out what is best for you. I would suggest talking to someone who will listen, writing out all of your feelings in a journal and asking your Higher Power for guidance. There are support groups out there for people involved in alcoholic relationships, find one in your city or online. I wish you the best of luck.
In love and light,
Crystal | www.whydidichoosehim.com

Amy - posted on 03/24/2011

5

1

0

Jasmine,
I completely relate to you! My daughters father was exactly the same as what you wrote about yours. My daughters dad would leave for days at a time and not respond to my txt or calls either. He would be out partying while I was home pregnant. There were days and weeks and months I felt like giving up as well! I felt the same, very depressed and low...My daughter is now 3 yrs old and I am a very happy mommy and LOVE her sooooo much! But the only way that I got out of my depression in the beginning of motherhood was by leaving my daughters father. He was bringing me down...and not healthy not only for me but for my daughter Desi as well. A healthy happy mommy makes for a healthy happy baby! :o)

Also I can relate to you about your childs father's family....my daughters fathers family is indentical! (I thought I was reading my own story when I started to read yours!!) They are very controlling as well...they even went to the extent of blaming me for their sons behavior and him getting into trouble! Your baby is YOUR baby with your childs father NOT with his family....they have no say over your baby!
I would suggest you leave and get support from your family and friends...possibly even talk to your dr about how low your feeling. TRUST me when I say, when you get out of that situation with your babys dad you will never feel like letting your baby go ever again! Stay strong for your precious baby girl...she needs her mommy more than anything!!! We are here for you!

Stephanie - posted on 03/22/2011

2

2

1

Awe, iv been there done that. I had got pregnant at 17, had my daughter at 18, with my ex that was 24 at the time. bcuz of his age he said he was ready to be a family and that i should yhave the baby... he was the first person i have ever been truely in love with.. he drank all the time, he lied, I did EVERYTHING... if i got mad and started crying he would just walk out.. eventually it got so bad I broke down and said we need a break... i moved out briefly and he went on a drinking binge.. we got back together but that love just wasnt the way it used to be.. I was competley focused on caring for my daughter so we stopped caring for eachother.. i went to vidit family for 2 weeks came home then he went out and didnt come back home I found out he had cheated on me (the guy I fell for) thought he could never do anything to hurt me, thought he was always going to be there, just wasnt. I cried off and on for months, I was jealous of his new little gf..but now, im living in a different town, going to college and raising my daughter.. her and I are so happy now, were doing so well and when I look back I see all the red flags that I should have noticed LONG ago... hes 25 now, dealing drugs, dating a girl in high school... hes a loser my daughter and I are way better off without him. No matter what things will get better you just have to strive for it... it will hurt and you will feel lonely time after time but when yu are finally free waking up to that little girl and kissing her every night goodnight will make it all worth it... get outa there give ur daughter and yu the chance to be happy, yu both deserve it..also talk to your doctor aswell, I have recently been put on mood stabilzers and they work amazingly too. ! Hope your okay

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms