My bf cheated on me, now im really depressed, and scared im not being a good mom because of it

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My boy friend(now ex) cheated on me with his ex girl friend. She e-mailed me the other day asking me if i was dating him, and of course i said yes, and she told me she was also. I didnt believe her at first but then she started describing his apartment and stuff you would only know if you would have seen it, she told me when they were together when i thought he was some where else, he keeps denying it and hes really pissed that i actually believe her and before she even started talking to me he told me that one of his ex's might start talking to me and telling me lies, but i had no idea she would say this! But i believe her cuz all of the things she has told me all add up and the things that hes telling me are really suspicious, but he did admit to me that she did come over once when she was in town (thats how she knows what his apt looks like) but i dunno, i still think she is telling me the truth. ANYWAYS... I'm really really depressed I feel like such a dumbass for not knowing for this long, and now all i want to do is cry and be alone, but i cant because i have a 4 month old daughter, i love her soooo much and i would do anything for her, i just feel like i'm not paying that much attention to her and not being in a very good mood when im around her, I need some encouragment, has anyone gone through something similar? please help me....

14 Comments

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Donna - posted on 03/04/2009

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i left my now ex-fiance because he was cheating.... it takes a lot to get over but just take your time. although i felt like i was a rubbish mum while i was getting over it but i made my son my priority and altho it's still hard 6 months on i keep on focusing on trying to do what i can for my son despite there being times when the last thing i want to do was give him another piggy back ride, look at this etc..... ask for help from friends and family and dont feel you have to try and be a perfect mum or that you have to get thru this on your own.....  all your daughter needs to know is that you love and i'm sure she already senses that! talk to ppl and try to get out to the park or to play dates etc, keep busy so you dont have time to think and eventually it will get better..... xx

Claire - posted on 02/19/2009

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Ive been a single mum since my daughter was born even when i was pregnant the man i thought that would stick by me didnt he even changed his number when i was 8months pregnant so i couldnt get hold of him!! You dont need him to be a good mum i say get rid of him as him bein around will only make you feel worse even if you did sort things out you would never trust him and will be paranoid everytime he goes out!! I say cut your losses and sort out contact for him to se his daughter!! You can be a single mum its not easy but you'll be alot happier for it. Hope ive helped you out x x x

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2009

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Thank you guys for all of your support it really means alot to me :) But i talked to his friends and i dunno if they would lie for him but nobody knew about this "other girl" and my ex did say she was crazy haha so i dunno? but thanks ladies for all your support =)

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2009

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Well i myself have been in almost the exact same situation, for example when my youngest was not barely a month old i found out her father had been cheating on me since the end of my pregnancy with her, and yes i was depressed and cried but i also knew i had resposibilities, that took priority, but finding time in ur day to allow urself to cry is good for u don't pent it up, sooner than u think u'll start feeling better, and just stay strong, and personally for me i changed my mind that i wouldnt cry because of him anymore, instead i became angry at him and it helped me to let him go, seeings how He didnt deserve me anyway! Hope this helps!

Danielle - posted on 02/18/2009

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Hi Kelly,

i have been thought a similar situation but it's a little different but anyways it is his loss. there are men out there that do not noticed that what they have is the most important thing. taking care of your little girl is and always is the most important person in your life, no one will ever be able to change that. i understand how you think you are not paying that much attention to her, but honestly you truly are. when you get into depression mode your just not sure what to do and or think so you act differently, but just always think and remember that you have your daughter and honestly if i were i would leave him. only for the sake of yourself and for your daughter. there are better men out there in the world that will take care of you both



-danielle

Tasha Dee - posted on 02/18/2009

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Hi Kelly,



Go through the emotion but don't let it hinder you. Really work on on making yourself happy and in turn your daughter will be happy and well cared for 'cause you cared for yourself.



You will be OK and your daughter will be ok as well.



:)

Aubrey - posted on 02/18/2009

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I actually went through almost the exact same thing. But at the time i was three months pregnant. I left him because i knew he was lying. It was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do but my daughter was too important to be put in the middle of a crumbling relationship. Now he hasnt contacted me sonce he left and apparently wants nothing to do with his daughter. And im okay with that now, Shes 5 mths old and all mine. She makes me so happy, and he is now considered just a sperm donor.

Lisa - posted on 02/18/2009

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hold your head up you are not the dumb one he is for cheating on you. You do however need to make sure he is doing that before It gets between him and (presumably) his daughter. Try to get other people outside of those two To tell you what they think is going on.

Other than that It is his loss if he cheated on you. Try to go talk to someone if you can which will help you parse this out and get your emotions out in a healthy way. Then just realize that you are a strong beautiful mother who is raising another beautiful girl of her own. You will get through this. Men suck sometimes. It may feel like the world is dark right now but light will come back again. It always does.

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2009

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i know this subject all too well belive the ex-girl friend what dose she have to gain by telling u...and whats he doing anyway to talk to her agian for her too go to his apt..he s lieing .....and ur lil girl should cheer u up if any thing just foucs on her cuz she s the most important thing ur always gonna run in too drama the only thing u can do is be better than that cuz of that lil girl

[deleted account]

Hey :) .....you aren't the dumbarse...he is.  My heart goes out to you and your little girl.....it's a horrible and heart breaking thing to go through. Go with your gut feeling....I have been in the same situation as yours and initially tried to deny my gut feeling that I was being cheated on...this only ment that I was cheated on longer and hurt longer.  When a relationship breaks up...cheated on or not, everyone has a downtime.....be gentle to yourself.....you deserve a down time.  Ask for help from family and friends that you can rely on so that you can recover from your hurt with support.  Your daughter with do fine with you, family and friends around her.  You will be surprised at how resilient children are and how they love you even if you can't be the perfect mum that you so desperately want to be.  Do things that make you feel good...go for walks, go to the park, play loud and fun music (I love Smash Mouth), visit friends and family heaps if you find it more painful to be without company (I know your daughter is company too but it's different to adult company.  I hated being without adult company....I thought too much and didn't reason so was making myself depressed.  I found my spirits lifted and I was happier and a better mum when I had adult company).  Adult company also allows you to offload your hurt and disappointment, helps you recover.  See a counsellor too if you think it could help you, sometimes we prefer to talk to someone who is an outsider/stranger to our life/situation.  From my experiences...I felt that I would never get over the hurt, you may be feeling like this too..........trust me, you will get over the hurt but it may take a while.  Don't rush or pressure yourself in anything you do.....you will be okay.  Keep contact with me if you like...... :)

Brandi - posted on 02/18/2009

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No brilliant advice. Just want to say that I feel for you. Just know that you have people that are thinking of you and supporting you from afar!

Fawn - posted on 02/18/2009

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Kelly: I have not been cheated on, but my son's father left us when he was 7 months old for no explainable reason. I will tell you at first and even through out you have rough days, but press forward and and don't look back. It is hard to say when the wound is so raw, but you have to push through the crap, go ahead and cry when you need to cry, but stay focused on what you have to do for you and your daughter otherwise you will lose sight and get even more depressed,

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2009

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its his loss!! you and your baby will have a great life and ur find a decent man soon! x

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