my daughters dad dosent want anythink to do with her

Sam - posted on 02/22/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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how am i going to tell my daughter that her dad dosent want anythink to do with her?

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Wendi - posted on 02/22/2009

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You don't... That would be the saddest and cruelest thing you could do to her... As emotionaly and finacially painfull as it is and will be in the future, you NEVER say that to her, she will end up thinking that it's HER problem, no matter how many times you tell her it's not... The honest to Gods truth is, it's going to be HIS loss, NOT hers.... He is the one who will miss out on the milestones in her life.. as long as you are there for her, and love her she will be fine.. How do I know this... I never met my dad.... He ran out on me when I was 6mo.. never paid child support, and according to my Grandfather, dropped his basket right in front of me and ran out of a store when he accidentaly ran into me and my grandpa ( i was to young to remember thankfully)... It was (he has passed away now) his loss that he never met me, and it was his loss that he never met my children... Did I ever feel that empty feeling inside like something was missing???? Sure.... Did I let it affect me in my life, Hell No... The Bastard Was NEVER Worth It... Go girl and raise her to be the most confident, smartest, most beautiful little girl in the world.... I respect my mom for everything she did... I am grateful, and amazed at what she accomplished with out him... Make her proud, and show him you don't need his sad and sorry ass......

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Claudia - posted on 02/27/2009

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Don't tell her. That is the worst thing you can do to a child. It will scar her for life. I am a single mom and I have a daughter too. NO child needs to know a horrible thing like that. My daughter is 19 months and have been raising her on my own since the day she came home from the hospital. You raise her to be confident, smart and intelligent. It is his lost, not hers. She should not have to pay for his mistakes. Good Luck

Rebecca - posted on 02/27/2009

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Hello everyone,



So I'm a little confused, What do you tell your child when he/she asks about the father???  I understand not telling kiddo that "daddy didn't want you", because that's just down right awful.  And I would never dream about bashing the SOB/father (as much as I'd love to)But to ignore the childs request to learn about their bio, seems to me like you'd be breaking the ever so delicate bond of trust not telling them something???!!!  Thanks for clarifying this.

Rachel - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hi Sam,

My son's father is the same. He hasn't had anything to do with Ty since he was born. I feel sad that he treats my baby like this and has run off and left us but in the end when Ty gets older he will know what his dad was like without me ever saying anything to him. If you run the other parent down you may find your kid will turn on you. Be the best mum you can be and don't worry about the father. He will soon realize what he has lost and in the end it will be up to your daughter if she wants him in her life. That way you can never be the bad guy and you won't hurt your child by telling them something that will forever haunt them. Good luck and I know how you feel. If you ever need to talk just let me know.

Abbie - posted on 02/26/2009

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im in the vote as u. my daughters dad wont even stop and talk if he see us in the street then rings 2 see if he can cum and see her then never turns i look at it as hes the 1 missin out

Gail - posted on 02/26/2009

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My daughter is 15 and has never seen her father she has asked over the years about him and have just said we did not get on (me and him nothing to do with her) and that he moved away and i lost the address .......they all find it hard but as long as your there and they no that there loved and a lot better of then lots of kids in this day and age........just be the best mum you can..........mine says im to hard   ....but she loves the fact  that she knows  im only like it because i love her....... and that in the end  ive always been there

Leigh - posted on 02/25/2009

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it hard.. my son is 8 and his father hasnt ssen him in 6 year.. my son always ask about wanting to see him and i just tell him my son does no that his dad dont wanna see him it hasnt stopped my son from all ways asking about his dad... the older my son has got the harder it has been so i had to tell my son the truth.. dispite noing this my son still hopes that one day his dad will want to see him..

Theresa - posted on 02/23/2009

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Better to let her find out on her own as hard as it is.My daughter is 14 her father took her one day out of her entire life.It is so sad he lives only a few blocks from us .He is no dad he is only her donor .

Luna - posted on 02/23/2009

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I agree. Do not tell her. She will resent the person who told her the bad news more than him. Besides, she will figure it out on her own one day. My son is in the same boat, and I plan to say something like, "Your dad is away trying to become a better person, and sometimes a person has to take that journey all alone." Tell the truth, but sugarcoat the hell out of it...that's my plan. And with any luck, you will find a man who will love the both of you and she might never know the difference...

Melony - posted on 02/22/2009

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Hi hun, I'm in the same boat, Meegan is turning 1 in 2 days time, she was also planned but her dad hit me when I was about 2 month pg with her, so I left him. Now he doesnt want anything to do with either of us. I have been praying about this too. I was thinking of telling her that her dad wasnt ready for a family too. But I also know that God will put he right words in my mouth when the time comes!!

Lucky for me I've met a man that wants to marry me now and that has been raising Meegan as he's own, but never the less I will be telling her the truth one day about her real dad :-(( not looking forward to it.

Good luck hun, I knoe we'll be just fine!!

Rebecca - posted on 02/22/2009

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This is a huge fear of mine as well and it's so sad to know that the person that you decided to have a child with doesn't want the child.  My sons gramma said to me that it's like begging him to take a 10 carat diamond and him raising his nose to it, could you imagine!!!..  I think that when my son asks I'll just tell him that his daddy ("the donor"-I changed his name) wasn't ready to have a family.  I know that you have to tell your kid something and this seems like the least hurtful, I mean, it's all going to hurt, but at least I'm not going to be lying to my son.  You will be okay and you will figure it out when the time comes.  All that you can do is love her with all of your heart  and soul.  Good luck to you!

Rebecca - posted on 02/22/2009

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Why should you tell your daughter?  The father is the one who has made that decision, so let him be the bearer of bad news.

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