My Fiancé was killed by a drunk driver 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant.

Shannon - posted on 01/11/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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The love of my life/dear friend since I was 4 years old, was killed by a drunk driver on my birthday, December 2nd 2007. He had planned to ask me to marry him on December 20th 2007 in disney world. I found out I was pregnant with my miracle on December 13th 2007. While I was pregnant I worked full time and went to school full time to finish up my bachelors in Interior Design. Life was a blur and each day a struggle. I graduated with my bfa in May 2008 and I had my beautiful miracle on July 22, 2008. Her name is Alysia Avery and I honestly do not know what I would do without her. She is my reason for living and each day she lights up my life. She reminds me of her daddy more and more each day. I want to give her the best life I can but it is so hard to come to terms with the fact that she will never be able to meet her daddy, a man who wanted a lot of babies and couldn't wait to start a family.

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TREON - posted on 02/20/2009

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wow i'm sorry to hear that and may GOD bless you and yours.....stay strong and remember GOD makes no mistakes and that GOD is still GOOOOOOD!!!all you can do is do your best and GOD will do the rest!!

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2009

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thats terrible,he should be locked away for life,if you take someones life,u should pay for it,its not just your husbands life he took,its yours and your daughters too. i wish you luck with the court case.



it is very hard movin back in with parents,that what i have done aswel,being a women who once run her own home is very hard to adapt into someone elses rotine. i day dream all day n night thinkin what mite av been,we were so happy and realy becomin a proper family. now its ruined and i feel so empty all the time,i have a pain inside me 24/7 like an ache and i dont think it will ever go away. xx

Shannon - posted on 02/08/2009

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Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss as well. Life is difficult even a year later. There isn't a single day that goes by that I do not think of him. He talks to me in my dreams and it almost feels like he is still here. My fiance was struck while walking by a truck equipped with a plow that was too big being driven by an illegal mexican with no drivers license who was over 2 times the legal blood alcohol limit. We are in the middle of a huge legal battle and the mess of lawyers defenders, witnesses, etc. is overwhelming. The man who killed him has no remorse and thinks he did nothing wrong...he smiles that the crowd when he is taken in front of the judge. The nerve pinching part about it all is that he can only serve 2-13 years in prison. For burglary you can get up to 25 years but if you kill a person and injure another while drunk and illegal you can only get a max of 13 years in illinois. I had to move back in with my parents because we were in the process of buying a home that I had to walk away from because I cannot afford it on my own. I am still living at my parents home with my little girl and it is frustrating knowing what would have been.

Nicole - posted on 02/03/2009

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I just wanted to tell you sorry for your lost. I feel you are a really strong woman in heart. I don't have any advice for you. But, I wanted to send my prayers to you and your daughter.

Patricia - posted on 02/02/2009

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You are an inspiration to all mothers, I was devastated when I read your story. I am so sorry for your loss. You are a tower of strength and I admire your courage. I am a single mother of two little girls who are the centre of my world as your little girl is to you. I wish you both so much happiness for your future.

Kristy - posted on 02/02/2009

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thats horrible. im sorry 2 hear about ur 'best friend' passing away. i cried. my sis n law cried when i read it out 2 her. just make sure ur little girl knows everything about her daddy.

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2009

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hello shannnon,i lost my partner  3 months ago in a car crash as he collided with a fire engine. i also lost my brother to cancer 4 days before. i have a 17 month old daughter that i love and im comforted to know i will have a part of  him with me forever. even though he was in her life for just over a year,i know that she wont remember him and will only have the memories that i share with her. he was a grat man who was so proud to become a daddy. how are you findin life a year on? x

Shannon - posted on 01/14/2009

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That is really crazy! Was his middle name Allan? That would be even more crazy!

Shalen - posted on 01/14/2009

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My sons dads name was Chris too!  Crazy!  Some dreams can seem so real and come just when you need them most. 

Shannon - posted on 01/14/2009

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That is so funny because, well Chris didn't know I was pregnant, we had talked about kids because we were ready. We decided on a girls name but couldn't ever come to an agreement on a boys name. Every night before we went to bed he would say, "Honeys, I cannot wait to marry you, have itty bitty little babies with you, watch them grow up, and grow old with you." And when he said itty bitty little babies he would hold his fingers really close together in front of his eye and squint to show how small. I know that our babies daddies are watching over us and our beautiful miracles...when I was pregnant I had dreams all the time about Chris telling me I was going to have a girl and I could almost picture her face in my dreams. It really makes you wonder what God has in store for you and why he has made the decisions for each of us. It is unexplainable but even though these tragidies happen god has some sort of plan.

Shalen - posted on 01/14/2009

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I totally understand about wanting a girl! I love my son but I feel that it may have been easier with a girl.  I agree that no one should have to go through this.  The only thing I had was that my boyfirend saw the first ultrasound and we had picked out theboys name together and couldn't decide on a girls name. Take care and enjoy every minute with your miracle.

Shannon - posted on 01/14/2009

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Shalen,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that happened to you..It is always good to hear how other people handle similar situations but it always hurts knowing that others have been through the same. No one should have to feel this pain every day.

Actually I did not find out the sex of my baby girl until her birth because I wanted to keep it a surprize...but deep down I was hoping for a girl. Not that I didn't want a boy but I knew there would probably be more pressure on him to be like his daddy. I talk to her now about her daddy even though she cannot understand me quite yet. But I will be sure not to compare her soo much because I could see where that could get a little obnoxious. She is her own person just like your boy is his own. Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving your advice! I appreciate it very much.

Shalen - posted on 01/14/2009

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I am so sorry to hear about this. I am 31 and have a 13 year old son and his dad dies when I was 2 months pregnant in a car accident with a drunk driver as well.  We were only 18 at the time and I was not ready to have a baby but I did it and I finished college as well.  I did what I could to make him remember his dad and thats all we can do.  I am happy that I had lots of pictures and even videos of his dad playing football in higschool and stuff like that.  I don't know if it is different because you have a girl, but try not to compare her to him too much.  My sons nana has been doing it so much that now he gets grumpy if you tell him something about his dad that he has already heard.  I think it makes it worse because he is a boy and is an individual and gets sick of the you are just like your father blah blah blah.  The good thing is that your child knows she was wanted and so does mine!  It is hard but you can do it and have been!

Shannon - posted on 01/12/2009

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Thank you all so much for your ideas and encouragement. It really helps me to talk about this and to get others opinions on ways I can help her remember. God bless you and yours. Thank you again

Tran - posted on 01/12/2009

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I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS! Sounds like your daughter has a pretty fantastic mother though! You do not have to worry about your daughter, God's got big plans for her life! I think making a photo album of him with some fun and smart quotes next to them would be a great way to intoduce your daughter to her father. Write down everything you can remember about his life, even if you do not think it is important now, it will be to her one day. She can know who he is through you, the woman that loved him. Talk about him to her when she is young and she will grow up knowing who her father is! She may never meet him but she will love him!

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I guess there are certain things in life you never get over, and just learn to live with gradually. That's fantastic you have so many memories to share with her in pictures and words. I am sure he is looking out for you guys and I doubt your daughter will have the same feelings of abandonment. Not with a Momma like you. She will learn strength and learn about the preciousness of life. She will probably learn not to take people for granted and to show her love for those she cares about. I am sure you'll do well.

Shannon - posted on 01/11/2009

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Thank you for your kind words. I have saved all of the letters he wrote to me and actually had her picture taken with all of them when she was a week old. My Fiance, Chris, was a postal worker and we put her in a mail carrier box with all the letters. it was the most precious thing. I have also made many scrapbooks and collages of pictures and momentous from our times together. My father abandoned my sister, mother, and I when I was about 3 years old(he had problems with drugs and alcohol) so it was hard for me to understand and cope when I was younger with the reasons why my father wasnt around. I don't want my daughter to think that her daddy didn't want to be around and I know she probably won't but I guess psychologically because my father didn't care about us I think she will think the same thing. Each day is such a struggle and I don't go a moment without thinking of him. I know he is watching over us. I really appreciate your kind words and your acknowledgment. It really means a lot that people are willing to listen and try to help.

[deleted account]

Oh I don't even know what to say to this but I wanted to acknowledge you. I am so sorry for your loss, the grief must be near unbearable. Thank god for your beautiful little girl and the daily reminder of the man you loved. How you managed to finish off your schooling, wow, you must be a strong woman. I don't know how to help you come to terms with the fact she'll never meet her father. At least she will know about him through you, there are lots of kids who never meet their Daddy's and will never know anything. You have your love for him to pass on, she will know he would have cherished her. Maybe if you made a book for her about his life? I don't know, it may help you accept what has happened and provide her with a cherished momento of her father.

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