my son has been acting/pretending like his dad is around even though he's not

Tracy - posted on 03/17/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son's teacher at daycare approached me the other morning just wanting to verify that my sons dad wasn't in his life (his dad only came to see him twice last year and hasn't come around so far this year). Apparently all last week my son was talking about his dad and making stuff for him and talking about how he had been spending time with his dad and she asked me what I wanted them to do if anything, when he started to do that. Tyler has been acting up like CRAZY lately and I have a feeling this is all connected and i'm really not sure what to do. For now I told daycare to just ignore it because I don't want him to get upset at daycare my son does ask about his dad from time to time and I tell him what I know or what I think I know, "that I don't know where his daddy is but that he loves my son very much" I tried to talk to my ex to make a decision either in or out of his son's life and let him know the damage he is causing but I never got a response. Just wondering if other people out there have had similar situations and how they handled it. My son used to be so well behaved and he's acting out and not himself at all lately and I have a feeling its all related and just don't know where to turn or what to say to help him. He's only 3 and doesn't talk about whats bothering him yet.

4 Comments

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Haven - posted on 03/22/2009

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Hi Tracy,



My son is 6 and started acting out at 3 for similar issues to your son (dad left when he was 2). His father is very inconsistent with contact and rarely sees him. He used to talk about his father like he was there and then get aggressive or defiant at school and at home. Now, at 6, I finally got him a therapist and I can't tell you what a help it's been, even after 2 appointments. I'm a psychologist myself and don't know why I didn't do this earlier except that maybe I thought I could handle it on my own. I wish I had taken him when he was 3 so that he didn't go through half his life so confused about his dad. I would say ask your pediatrician and the daycare director to recommend someone in the area (great if it's a male, but doesn't have to be) and get him an appointment. It can't hurt. I hope this helps. Best of luck.



Haven

Gayla - posted on 03/21/2009

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Hi Tracy!



If he does it again, I would validate his feelings about wanting his dad and not pretend the hurt isn't there.  He is getting older and understanding more and more that he never sees his dad like his friends do.  He is doing all of the pretending because he is longing for his dad.  Please let him know it is not his fault his dad is not here and that you are so sorry he's not.  I understand the pain of this situation Tracy and I am so sorry for you and your son.  I would possibly reach out to his dad again or have his mom talk to him about what your son is experiencing.  In any case, your son is not doing this to  embarrass you or to flat out lie to others.  He is 3 and wants his daddy.  Love on him and do your best to contact his dad.  I hope this helps just a little.  ~~~~  Gayla

Tracy - posted on 03/19/2009

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Thanks, my ex's mom does come and visit but only about once a month. My parents are really great but I don't know what was up with him telling everyone that his dad was visiting and making stuff to take to his dads house and talking about him like he knows who he is. Besides my dad he doesn't really have any other males to look up to that he might have "pretended" were his dad. I'm so lost as to what caused or brought this up and how to handle it if it happens again!

Gayla - posted on 03/19/2009

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Hi Tracy!  i reached out to his grandparents and other family members who were glad to spend time with him and love on my son.  I also did not speak ill of his dad and gave my son hope by telling him of God's promise to be a Father to the Fatherless.  While his daddy is not around, God is always with him and promises to be his Father.  How God does it is a mystery to me, but He did it for my son.  :)  But I did make sure he got to know his dad's family.  Hope this helps and God Bless!  ~~~~~ Gayla

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