My son is almost 10 months old and still will not sleep through the night. He sleeps better in the bed with me, but I always wake up with a backache and am tired all day long. I am a stay at home mom, and really have no other help with him. The Doctors have said to let him cry it out and to let him self soothe but he doesn't. Last night he cried for over 1 1/2 hours until I put him into bed with me. He just seems to hate his bed. I am at my wits end. Any help would be appreciated.

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Julie - posted on 02/25/2009

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hi... what i use to do with my daughter was let her fall asleep first n then put her to bed.... when she woke up in the morning i would tell her wot a good big girl she is for sleeping in her own bed.... as she got older i would put her in her bed n sit with her til she went to sleep, she is now 4 n onlyt sum nites i have problems with her but i have found personally that bedtime should not be a big drama cause it only stresses u n the child.... i hope everything turns out well for u

Melissa - posted on 02/25/2009

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I also share a room with my 10 month old who didn't want to sleep in her bed anymore after she was able to  pull herself up and peer at me from over the crib.  I started swaddling her up, feeding her and rocking her to sleep and then gently putting her into her crib.  I keep no lights or night lights on.  If she wakes up and/or stands up, I lay her back down and pat her.  If she starts getting really upset I pick her up, swaddle her and rock her back to sleep and put her back in the crib.  Sometimes I have had to lay her in bed with me and once she is out, then I put her in her crib.  Crying it out didn't work for her, she became not only hysterical - but WIDE awake and it took forever to get back to sleep.  I also found she woke up a lot because she was cold so an extra layer of clothing helped.  Oh, and I don't know how long her has been able to stand, but when my daughter first learned she would not how how to sit back down and would cry because she was "stuck" standing, so laying her back down and giving her the pacifier worked.  Now she rarely wakes up during the night, and if she does, she easily goes back to bed with a few pats.    Try swaddling, it is warm and cozy and not just for newborns.  As a matter of fact my daughter hated being swaddled as a newborn and would scream but now it really works; she can easily get out of it in the crib but when I lay her down asleep she still has the feeling of being held so she doesn't wake up when I set her down.   It was a suggestion I read somewhere and it worked for us.   

Susan - posted on 02/25/2009

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Thank you all for your suggestions. A little bit more information...we share a room since the second bedroom is too cold for either one of us. The limited space puts our beds right next to each other, so he can see me at night. There is a nightlight in the room too. So far this has been going on for many many weeks. He always wakes, is not hungry, or wet. There are no toys that keep him happy. He has started pulling himself up to a standing positiion in his bed, so the act of self soothing doesn't work. He screams and cries without stopping no matter what I do. When I do pick him up he clings to me like the bed is going to eat him. I am just running out of other ideas and co-sleeping isn't working for me.

Brenda - posted on 02/25/2009

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I know it's rough, but crying it out is actually the best thing. It seems like forever, but after a couple of days, the habit will break. Its all snuggly to have them in bed with us too :) but thats not a habit you want to have. I've been there! Mine's 15 so its been awhile, but I had the same issue with him. Good luck!

Colette - posted on 02/25/2009

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I've went through this with my son 9 years ago.  It's not an easy situation I completely understand what you're going through.  But bringing him to bed with you is not the long term answer to your problem hun.  Right now when he can't get to sleep,he knows and expects you to bring him into bed with you.  You've got to break him of it and this will be tough!  Does he have a lovey that he likes,? i.e., blanket, stuffed animal, pillow??  Give that a try... I found that to work with my son.  I've been a single mom since my son was a baby too.... I know this is hard!  I've been in your shoes.  All I can say is when he's crying wait 10 minutes... check on him... comfort him, offer him a lovey, it might surprise you.  But he's got to learn and know that sleeping with mommy is not the answer and that he has to sleep in his own bed now.  My son started sleeping through the night at 13 months.... He's now 10 years old and STILL sleeps with his lovey's.  They're his familiars and he can't sleep without them still.  He know's he's getting to be a big boy and says he won't need them much longer.  There's light at the end of the tunnel.  You'll get there.  Please try and hang in there... it's tough... I know!!

Melanie - posted on 02/25/2009

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I think most mom's have been through this! I think all suggestions are real good..might be he's hungry a bedtime snack could help. I've never let both of my kids cry..I think it's just inhuman to do so.. they're not crying for nothing! Try putting a piece of clothes or blanket of yours in his crib..smelling Mom's scent will probably soothe him a bit. A really cool night light with bubbles or fishies moving around is always a help. Might take up to a week or two before he learns to sleep in his own bed but it's worth it..after that you can sleep on your both ears. Has he had changes in his life recently? Might be a little insecurity.

Kerri - posted on 02/25/2009

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So been there, so done that!!!  I was married when I had both my boys, however the dad was no help,  Anyway.. what I ended up doing was to leave baby in his crib.  He was a tummy sleeper so I gently put my hand on his back and rocked him that way.  He of course wanted up, but a firm (BUT GENTLE) hold as I rocked helped.  Play nature music to sooth him helped to.  This is way harder on you to hear him cry, and so easy to pick him up again...but in the long run, it will probably take a good week of not giving in.  On the downside, it took my youngest untill he was 2 1/2 to sleep the night; my oldest was 6 months...A week of up all night to get him to stay in his own bed is so worth it.  You will be amazed that by having him in his own space he will even learn to self-sooth in the middle of the night to!  Good luck

Kerri - posted on 02/25/2009

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So been there, so done that!!!  I was married when I had both my boys, however the dad was no help,  Anyway.. what I ended up doing was to leave baby in his crib.  He was a tummy sleeper so I gently put my hand on his back and rocked him that way.  He of course wanted up, but a firm (BUT GENTLE) hold as I rocked helped.  Play nature music to sooth him helped to.  This is way harder on you to hear him cry, and so easy to pick him up again...but in the long run, it will probably take a good week of not giving in.  On the downside, it took my youngest untill he was 2 1/2 to sleep the night; my oldest was 6 months...A week of up all night to get him to stay in his own bed is so worth it.  You will be amazed that by having him in his own space he will even learn to self-sooth in the middle of the night to!  Good luck

Kimberly - posted on 02/25/2009

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I took a lot of classes about children and did you know that we are the only country in the entire world that puts baby to sleep in another room....My Doctor told me it was perfectly fine to sleep with my son especially because i was breast feeding and I would wake up and just flip sides both would wake up happy and with a good nights sleep...Do what makes you and your baby happy...Don't worry about rolling over onto baby you woull be surprised....I never did and my son slept with me for the 1st 3 years of his his life and then when his dad died he came back to sleep with me....Not to worry how many 12 year olds do you think want to sleep with mom?

Kisha - posted on 02/25/2009

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Self soothe, don't like that advice. I agree, I would not let him cry for that long but I would try to let him learn the concept of sleeping in his own bed. Some are lucky to have children to sleep through the night. Sometimes the trick could be that the little guy is hungry. Try interrupting his naps or long sleeps through the day. At a 9 or 10 hour, give him a bowl of cereal. No do not put the cereal in his bottle, feed it to him. Then still give him milk, change him, clean him and make him comfortable. He may then go to sleep and stay for at least a nice portion of the night. I know you want to do everything you can when he is sleep but take naps with him sometime. And under no circumstances do you put him in your bed. Although you may not be in the bed with him still letting him sleep in your bed but then forcing him at night is confusing to him. You may suffer for a little while because you aren't getting much sleep but in the long run it will be better. Good luck!

Alice - posted on 02/25/2009

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Wow! Been there, done that. A bad habit to start but as single mom I've done it too. Sometimes it is just easier to sleep with them . But it the long run its a very hard thing to cope with! try easing him into it. If he used to you soothing him back to sleep, take him in bed for a bit and then out him back in crib. This will mean alot of getting up and down but it might work. if you decide to do this continue it for a few nights, not just one... he needs to learn where he should be sleeping. Maybe take a look at why he is waking up so much. does he nap too much during the day? Are there enough solids in his diet?  All babies wake usually but they dont stay awake for long.  Are you able to take him outdoors in the late day? Maybe for a stroll between supper and bathtime? fresh air is good, makes them sleep better. Have you tried some warm pablum/baby cereal before bed time bottle? there are many things you can try. My honest advise to you as a single mom, do whatever you feel is right, try to nap when he does and take care of yourself so you dont become exhausted, and above all remember THIS WILL NOT LAST FOREVER! You'll turn around one day and he'll be in his own room and bed and this will be a distant memory...they grow so fast, one day at a time, enjoy your child, being a single mom is hard... hope i've helped!

Jennifer - posted on 02/25/2009

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Oh wow, I would have put him in bed with me too especially crying that long!  My son did the same thing for a little while, I invested in a little fish tank that lights up and plays music and hooks to the side of the crib, which he watches and forgets I'm not there (found it at good will).  I started out just using  a cd like baby mozart  before the tank.  After awhile he would just crawl over to the cd player and press play when he was tired and ready to go to sleep. 

Nicole - posted on 02/25/2009

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I don't think I would let him cry for that long either. Go in and soothe him -- rock him back to sleep if need be. It's not unusual for a 10 month old to not sleep through the night however, if you continue to let him sleep with you it will only become a harder habit for you both to break.

I would strongly recommend that you get him used to sleeping in his own bed now.... it's much more difficult at the age of 3...

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