Now daddy wants to portray to be a daddy...what to do? SUGGESTIONS, COMMENTS, ADVICE NEEDED, THANX

Patrice - posted on 03/08/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Okay ladies long story short. My ex husband and I divorced in 2005 my son was 2 months when we seperated. We moved back to california because that was were my family and support system was. In the process of our divorce he wanted a DNA test because he let his sisters pump his head up (OF COURSE HE'S THE FATHER WTF). He asked for the DNA once the judge started talking child support. my son's father did not come see him at all until his mother brought plane tickets for us to come to Dallas after the holidays and he was 16 months. I moved back to Texas because I wanted my son to know who his father was. I saw my father being a father to my son and I thought it was best for my sons father to step up. I lived in Texas for 2 years with no family just ex-in laws and boi was I treated like an ex-in law. My son's father only got him when he was suppose to and if it was anything extra I HAD TO BE IN THE EQUATION. I got fed up with it and told him I was moving back to california. A week before we were suppose to leave my son's father out of the blue volunteered to keep our son for 5 days I said okay. He also kept calling me wanting me to come over for a booty call LADIES but that had stop long time ago and it wasn't going to happen. The next night I got a knock at my door around 10pm from the sherriffs " I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT I WAS BEING SERVED WITH PAPERS FOR TEMPORARY CUSTODY AND A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME" Yes ladies he had my son and had it all planned out to where when I got serve my son would be in his care. I had 9 cops outside his house they couldnt do anything they told me that because i gave my son to him that it was a civil matter even though I had my decree and told them I was the primary custodial parent. This was friday night...all courts closed till monday. I had to call my lawyer on a saturday pay $500 bucks. My son's father kept telling my lawyer that he has temporary custody and my lawyer kept correcting him telling him no you don't and to have my child at my house or the sheriffs will be at his house so I got my son back KEEP IN MINE THIS IS MOTHERS DAY WEEKEND. Okay now you have the history. We did move to california I had agreed that our son could go to houston every other month to see his father. What I didn't realize was the emtional strain it would have on our son. The first visit was horrific I had to hear him scream and holler for me and there was no reasoning with his father. I even offered to pay his ticket and have his father come to Cali to see him. Our son has not been with his father for more than 4 days without me. When my son's father calls I have to make him talk to him and by him not wanting to talk to him I know he thinks that I am behind that which im not. I speak life and great things about my sons father around him because I do want him to be prosperous and act like he has some sense because what he does affects our son. Our son was suppose to go to houston we had been doing every other 30 days. His father failed to give me a written notice on when he was going to pick him up. what he did was change the date to convenient him which was not right at all so I didn't allow him to go. Why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO CONVIENCE IN PARENTING!!!! US SINGLE MOMS MAKE IT HAPPEN EVERYDAY WITHOUT MUCH TO WORK WITH. PLUS MY SON DREADS GOING IF HE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING I WOULD HAVE ALLOWED HIM TO GO BUT HE CRIES AND CRIES WHEN I TELL HIM YOUR GOING TO DADDY'S HOUSE OR LET'S CALL DADDY. AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT!!!!



We have a final hearing in court coming up. He is wanting the judge to make me move back to houston or modify the decree which I don't see happening. The way I see this whole thing is that his family has been pumping his head up and he is just trying to drain my pockets thinking that I will give in. Well Im not. I BELIEVE IN GOD AND I KNOW THAT GOD CAN CHANGE PEOPLE. My son's father refuses to be civil on the phone he wont even answer simple questions to how was our son's day. PLEASE HELP IS THERE ANYONE OUT HERE WHO HAS ENDURE THE STRUGGLES OF A MAN WHO IS DETERMINE TO MAKE THEIR CHILD'S MOTHER'S LIFE A LIVING HELL. BESIDES STAYING PRAYERFUL HOW DO ONE HANDLE THIS. WITHOUT ALLOWING HIM TO CONSTANTLY CAUSE HAVIC IN MY LIFE?

4 Comments

View replies by

Gladys - posted on 03/12/2009

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First thing "Remain calm". Record your conversation with the father to prove in court that he is not providing you with information on your son's day to day. Second, once you have taken a man to court for "MONEY" they always want to fight for custody.  Sad to say but 90% of men don't want to pay child support. I'm in the same situation, he didn't believe that was his baby, then he claimed I ruined his life, so many negative things came from his mouth. Don't treat him bad but don't allow his to be disrespectful. If he wants to be more in your child's life encourage it. The bottom line is the child needs both parents  in his life. Pray and ask god for patience. 



One more thing "Don't sleep with him!" even though you feel you can handle it almost always messes with our mind. Been there too. 

Jessica - posted on 03/11/2009

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yes put in god's hands...i have a problem with my first son father after being together for 10yrs he decided to not be in my son life after i put him out for cheating with a young girl he have to two kids with her and wanting to be a father when he want to be and i was not having that.. so i took to court and since i was the bread winner the judge told him to paid $25.00 a month what was i going do with that so i bust my A** and my son is 16 and he honor student and he speak to his father time to time but i did the job of being the best mother and his father is second fiddle he know how to respect peopele and women and i know i did the best i can...so he can see the boy his father and his mother make his a good man.so keep up head that what your son will remember money help but his value will go a long way

Nancy - posted on 03/11/2009

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Trust me. My daughter's dad lives about 30 minutes away and vowed to make this as hard on me as possible. He has kept his word, even dictates when his mother can help me(even though she moved from Illinois to be close to her granddaughter). The sad fact of the matter, if I didn't sue him for support he wouldn't help out with a dime, and he certainly wouldn't offer a helping hand. They just look at making our lives hard to make them feel big. They have serious issues toward women and need help. You be strong!!

Stephanie - posted on 03/11/2009

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You should keep your emotions in check and remain calm and respectful no matter what. (Any outbursts can be used against you in a court of law) DO NOT communicate with him when he is yelling or irrational. If you have an attorney, all communication can go through the attorney. DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED BY THREATS! Stand your ground and always speak the truth. All of the things you are going through now are temporary in you and your child's lives. The father will not always be this way. It sounds like the dad doesn't want to be a dad, but the family wants to see the kid, so they are pressuring him. It also sounds like the Father is playing control games. Recognize them for control games and adjust your tones & words accordingly. It will all work itself out in the end. Good Luck! S

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