Please help me!!!!

Amber - posted on 05/06/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Hey, I am a single mom and I am having the hardest time trying to except it. I love being a mom but this wasn't my plan. Her father doesn't come to see her at all it's been 7 months since he seen her last. With the break up and moving back in with my mom and trying to raise her by myself. I am so overwhelmed and stressed out. My mom doesn't help me a whole lot with my daughter nor does anyone else in my family. My mom or sisters don't wanna talk to me about how I am feeling about anything cause they see the father as a worthless father so that should make things easier to deal with for me. I rarely get time to myself except for when she naps but at that time I am trying to get things done around the house. I was put on anti depressants about 4 months ago and I just got an increase a little over a week ago but I really don't feel that much better and I can still cry over the littlest thing. What do I do How do I get me back I miss who I used to be all I want is to be happy again. I really need a friend that I can talk to when I am having a bad day. I am about to break I can't do this much longer. I hate the way I feel right now but I don't know how to get rid of it. Please help me!!!

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Ellen - posted on 05/07/2009

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hey amber i know how u feel my lil man was not planed and he dose not see his dad it can be hard with out a suport system and it is hard coping with things and loosing who you are at time it feels like u dont know who u are and that u will never find some one to exept u and ur little lady but u need to get some time for u get asitter and do things u used to do before ur little lady it hellps to remember who u are ...

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Heather - posted on 05/12/2009

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Wow Amber i feel like i just read my own story,the difference being i have two little girls.i too have a mother and a sister who don't help much,as well as the worthless ex, and i can tell you that knowing that doesn't make it any easier,personally i find it makes it harder! I do think if it is at all possible you should try getting your own place having that freedom is very empowering, I know it's not easy, i too had to move back with my mother, i just moved in to my own place a month ago and it really helps.my family doesn't do the "feelings" talks either and that can be very hard for someone who likes to express their emotions, but hey god gave us web sites like this one so i'm sure that there are many people here that will listen.

Andrea - posted on 05/12/2009

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Amber,



I can relate....I was dateing someone for only 4 months and he broke up with me in March of 2006 and I found out I was pregnant in July (5 months pregnant at that) I never new I was pregnant till then. Was the scariest thing I have ever done, and I'm not a teenager or anything. I was 38 when I had my daughter...she is now 2 1/2 and I can't imagine my life without her...she is my everything. However I didn't want him a part of her and I's life nor did I have any idea where he was. So I have raised her with some help from family.



But It took me a long time to get over the surprise of it all, I hadn't planned on having children nor did I think I could. So in some ways she was a miracle for me. I know it's hard because you life changes in a blink of an eye and everything is no longer about you it's all about that baby.



Feel free to reply and chat with me if you like. But hold on it will get better, just never take it out on your baby....they are the inocent ones here and can give you so much love.

Indira - posted on 05/11/2009

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I've been a single mom 4 1,5 year. At first I thought 'Oh noooo, what happend 2 my lifë?' Now I'm enjoying it. With them, with music and go out and have some fun. It's hard, but it's gonna be even harder if u don't let go. Think of ur kid. She is the one who is going 2 need u. And if u want 2 cry. Cryyyy....one day u'll wake up and the pain is over. Make the best of it, cuz u got 1 life to live. xoxox

Nikki - posted on 05/10/2009

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Amber thigs will get in time. I am also a single mother. My daughter will be 2 in August. Sometimes I do breakdown and cry, because this was not how things were supposed to be, but I realize I have to be strong for my child. As sad as it is, I am used to doing things without her father's help. He does come around and stay for 3 hours every other day, but financially he isn't any help. I think you will be just fine once you accept the fact that you are a single parent.

Sonia - posted on 05/10/2009

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Hey Amber. I can understand how your feeling, as I'm a single mum too. My son's father comes in and out as he pleases, so things can get hard. The biggest thing is making sure you find time for yourself. When it comes to housework, do the minimum you can, eg, making sure your baby has clean clothes and bottles, but apart from that, leave the rest until your feeling up to it. When your baby sleeps, have your time, whether it be having a sleep, having a bath, whatever it is that makes you feel most relaxed. Baby's feel how your feeling, so its important to try and be happy for your baby. If you can find someone who can look after your baby even just for a couple of hours every now and again, while you get out of the house for yourself for a little while, that could do you alot of good. Also one thing you can do with your baby, that may relax you a little bit, is to take your baby for a walk to the park. Baby's enjoy being outside, and a bit of Vitamin D would be could for you!

Rima - posted on 05/10/2009

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Dear, Amber! My baby boy is almost 3 now, and i am still all alone. I have an odd friend there or there, but nothing stable. I find, it's hard to find friends that are in similar situations. My mother was never of any help, even when I was growing up, she has an alcohol problem. It's really scary at times. I was on some antidepressants for a little while, too. It did seem to help me at the time, but I didnt' want to depend on it too much. I don't kow how old is your child, but maybe you can go to preschool together (ages 0-4), join community programs, etc. A lot of councelling places have a night with daycare services. I have done all of that and it helped me a lot. It was my time, even if just for an hour once a week. I agree with the posts here, your harmones are out of wack probably still. Also remember, it's more important to be well rested than to have a clean living room. Meaning, give yourself a break! You have to prioritize, and your rest, maybe a movie once in a while, should come first. Only well rested you can be the best mother you can be. I hope this was at least a little helpful. I know those lonely days, monthes, years...I am still there. You are not alone!

Hey, on a brihgter side, at least you have a healthy child! And access to internet! lol I am on fb a lot, if you want to talk, share anything, help with anything, let me know. MY heart is wiht you, I really do know how you feel.

My son's dad is not around at all. He si now denying he is the father! (that happened when I treid to make him pay child support, which I still haven't seen). I never imagined I would be having a child on my own. We planned it, we tried for a year to get pregnant, and when I fianlly do get pregnant, he moves on...to more fun things.. It took me a long while to accept this is happening, I am a single mom, and it's not changing any time soon. ANyway, let me know how you are feeling! Thinking of you and God bless you!

Claire - posted on 05/10/2009

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Hi Amber. I have 2 children they have different fathers both a waste of time. My eldest daughters dad had another child on the 7th of June and when she phoned him 3 weeks later he told her he had moved to scotland not a word to her that was 2 years ago and he has seen her twice since then, my youngest daughters dad lives down the road and turns up if and when he feels like it. All I can say is you need to do something for yourself I was feeling really low and a friend told me about a part time jobe going at a pre school I had no qualifications but went for it anyway 2 years later i have passed my NVQ level 2 and I am just starting my Level 3 I feel great in myself like I have achieved something. My youngest is due to start school in Sept. I know its not easy I get really stressed sometimes but things do get easier.

Rachael - posted on 05/10/2009

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Happy Mother's Day first & foremost! My five year old son has never met his dad & at first it was hard to "understand" how someone wouldn't want to see their son. Over time though, I realize that it was for the best. You can do both roles & do them well. AS the above people have posted, try to find time for yourself & take up any help you can get. Try some local groups in your area or playgroupps so you can get some support. God Bless & you are doing the best you can & that's all your child will ever want! Please let me know if you need anything!

Mary - posted on 05/09/2009

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It sounds like you are having a really rough time, understandably so. Lots of disappointments! Maybe a counselor to talk with would help to put things in perspective and give you the opportunity to have some support and be able to talk about all the things you need to. Just a suggestion from someone who feels your pain.

Katrina - posted on 05/08/2009

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My husband walked out on me 2 days after Christmas of 2007. When he left I was 2 months pregnant with our fourth child. Shortly after my mom, who was living with the kids and I, passed away. I found myself pregnant, with 3 young kids, and completely alone. A few months after my mom passed I lost my job of nine years. (the company went bankrupt) And then my daughter was born in August 2008. I felt alone and scared, and wondered constantly if I would be able to do it on my own. I was scared to death. What kept me going was the kids. Their laughter, the jokes they told that weren't really that funny, the boo boos I had to kiss. I know its hard, and I can honestly say I have been through it all. I am here if you should need to chat. Somthing though that you need to do is get a little you time, whether it is a night out, or a half hour bath alone with a good book. Do something to make yourself feel good, buy a new lipstick, new shirt or get a hair cut. I know as a mom it is hard, VERY HARD, to ever do anything for yourself. But the one thing you should always keep in mind is that kids sense things, so if you are sad theyu are sad, if you are happy they are happy. Plus she is still a baby right? Your body and hormones are still all out of whack, could be the hormones or a little bit of postpartum. Give yourself a break. It will get easier. Here if you ever need to talk

Skylur - posted on 05/07/2009

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I am also a single mother. My divorce will be finall in June 2009. I also had to move back in with my parents which is not exactly what I had in mind for my life at the age of 29. You definitely need time to your self. It's ok to leave the house work and take some time for your self, paint your nails, take a shower, read a book, ect. the house work will still be there for another time. You could also try to join a mom's group like MOP's. I really enjoyed it. I'm sure they have one in your area. And just know that it's ok to be sad and angry and disapointed but don't forget that you will eventually get through this and it will make you a better person.

Kelly - posted on 05/07/2009

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Ive been a single mom for a little over 8 years. My sons "father" played daddy every two and a half years for six months at a time, then would vanish. It has been nearly 4 years since he has tried to come back around. I realized a long time ago that I am mom and dad, I am the boo boo kisser, the night time snuggler, the friend, the one who puts him on time out, and the one he will thank for it when he is older. It takes a powerful person to be a single parent and not have emotional times. The best way anyone ca handle anything so challenging is to take life minute by minute, and cherish the little things. Dont dwell on the things you cannot change, or are pointless to fret over. When you feel like your going to lose it just grab that baby and give her a big hug and tell her how much you love her. Take time for you, take a bath, read a book, step outside and simply take a breath. You have a child yes, but you cant forget you have you to take care of as well ! ! !

Kelly - posted on 05/07/2009

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Ive been a single mom for a little over 8 years. My sons "father" played daddy every two and a half years for six months at a time, then would vanish. It has been nearly 4 years since he has tried to come back around. I realized a long time ago that I am mom and dad, I am the boo boo kisser, the night time snuggler, the friend, the one who puts him on time out, and the one he will thank for it when he is older. It takes a powerful person to be a single parent and not have emotional times. The best way anyone ca handle anything so challenging is to take life minute by minute, and cherish the little things. Dont dwell on the things you cannot change, or are pointless to fret over. When you feel like your going to lose it just grab that baby and give her a big hug and tell her how much you love her. Take time for you, take a bath, read a book, step outside and simply take a breath. You have a child yes, but you cant forget you have you to take care of as well ! ! !

Kelly - posted on 05/07/2009

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Ive been a single mom for a little over 8 years. My sons "father" played daddy every two and a half years for six months at a time, then would vanish. It has been nearly 4 years since he has tried to come back around. I realized a long time ago that I am mom and dad, I am the boo boo kisser, the night time snuggler, the friend, the one who puts him on time out, and the one he will thank for it when he is older. It takes a powerful person to be a single parent and not have emotional times. The best way anyone ca handle anything so challenging is to take life minute by minute, and cherish the little things. Dont dwell on the things you cannot change, or are pointless to fret over. When you feel like your going to lose it just grab that baby and give her a big hug and tell her how much you love her. Take time for you, take a bath, read a book, step outside and simply take a breath. You have a child yes, but you cant forget you have you to take care of as well ! ! !

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