Preparing for a child support hearing???

Tiffany - posted on 12/13/2011 ( 57 moms have responded )

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After a long time of waiting, I have finally been given a date for our hearing. So much has gone on and I have tried my best to document everything in my notebook. I had spoken to an attorney about supervised visits or at least visits to where he doesn't just get her, but I was told only if he has history of drug abuse, criminal charges etc. He has choked me on one occasion and has gotten violent on another, but have no proof. What I do have though is this

-How his family talks about each other behind their back and how they have talked about the little boys dad whom they watched(who is also their cousin) like he was nothing

-Her dad being verbally abusive calling me out my name

-Harassment from his cousin and threatening me that she works for cps and that if I was to get a call from them then they are not playing

-I also have the 2 times his mom was suppose to be watching her and we had an agreement that she would bring my daughter home at 6( the first time she was brought home 2 hours late and the second 1 hour late) and I tried frantically to call and text her, but never got a reply

-I have copies of the police and detective I have talked to about the situation that has been going on

-Proof that I did reach out to him about seeing her and him replying back that he didn't want to deal with the mess

-How his own mother said he wasn't a good parent

The majority of this can be proven through text messaging and or paperwork. My daughter is only 10 months old and at least for the time being until she can actually talk to me and tell me whats going on if anything ever does, then I do not want her over there. Any other suggestions, should I even bring up the abuse that took place even though I have no proof or just leave it out and mention everything else?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Shay - posted on 01/07/2012

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Hi Tiffany, I'm a child support officer, always bring up any abuse/harrassment issues you've had with this guy, it all helps. But your most benefitical documents are police reports and investigation reports. You can file a police report or child protective services report for any other harrassment/abuse you've experienced with him or the child has experienced with him or his family, even if it's in the past. Worse case scenario, if he's granted visitation, request supervised visits. Good luck!

Melinda - posted on 12/26/2011

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Sadly, most courts will not listen to stuff like this when the hearing is about support. Your hearing will be about how much money everyone makes, and what your expenses are, who provides healthcare, and how many nights is the child expected to spend away from you (with Dad).
A family court determining custody is what you need that notebook for--so keep it, and keep it up.

Angie - posted on 12/20/2011

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oh, it's not complaining, it's venting...we are all guilty..lol..Facebook is not admissable because it cannot be proven who typed the information...if I was you, Luvmia, I wouldn't worry about it until I got paperwork about it; most loser men have more talk than action, they are trying to push your buttons, they are trying to make you as miserable as they obviously are...I stopped all contact with my ex over a year ago, I get my laughs from his voicemails of empty threats; right now he wants to know what's going on with our 14yo ~ he's had 2 opportunities to show up at juvenile court & didn't; juvenile has mailed him all the same paperwork they've mailed me...READ!! think he will be at his psychological test Thursday ~ doubt it...then on top of all this, our 20yo was in a car accident Friday night (he's ok) and he called me & never bothered to tell his dad about it...I've got enough to deal with than include his idiotic self into my mix of things..lol...anyways, the gist of the post, don't let them stress you out...focus on happy, put your energy into good & don't stress yourself on the what-ifs :)

Angie - posted on 12/20/2011

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sounds like you definitely have all your info together...just from experience, don't be surprised if you don't get to address as much as you want to....is this a child support hearing or is it a visitation hearing? Ours are separate issues in my state. If it's just child support, unfortunately they are not going to care about the behavior, lack of visitation, etc, etc. It is soooo hard for me to keep my mouth shut about what a useless father my kids dad is during child support hearings. We don't have a visitation order; I have sole custody, but if he EVER tries to take me to court, believe me, I have the documentation. In fact, my 14yo is in juvenile right now so he tried to get custody turned over to him because now he can "prove" I can't handle him, the juvenile court would not even address it because of his criminal record. Best of luck to you ~ I just didn't want you to be disappointed if you did all that documentation and it didn't mean anything to the courts :)

57 Comments

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Terri - posted on 09/25/2012

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I'm new at the whole child support thing. im a young mother (21) and my daughter's father lives in va. we are in ks. i have filed for child support and haven't heard anything back. He wants nothing to do with her and is yet making my life hell in the process. I guess my question is, how long does it take to hear back about if your child support case has been seen and when they are going to do a hearing? Again he wants nothing to do with her along with his family. at one point he claimed her as his. but now wants nothing to do with her. is having his name on the birth certificate and him filing her on his tax returns enough to prove he claimed her? He also got a deduction on his car insureance for her and is still reciving that.?

Angie - posted on 02/06/2012

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her court date is the beginning of April...if I remember correctly...she's just trying to make sure she is completely prepared :)

Andrea - posted on 01/17/2012

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Bring copies of everything you have to show the judge. I went through almost the same situation with my son's father. When i was pregnant with our son he had pushed me into a car to the point that i bent backwards over the side mirror. I did have a police report to back that up though. After my son was born his father was watching him, left the room while my son was up on a couch, of course my son rolled off not knowing better and busted open his lip/gums so i brought pictures to prove. My son's grandparents are in charge of him when his father is supposed to have him on the weekends, because he is untrustworthy and has bad mouthed/denied my son, which i had text message and comments from facebook to back that up. Anything to help your case with or without proof is better than nothing at all. So make sure to bring everything up to get your point across that he is unfit to be alone in the same room as your daughter.

Tiffany - posted on 01/10/2012

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@danielle: thanks a lot...now I don't plan on being around him at all without someone else being present so he won't. Try anything and for witnesses. I also complained to cps but only had her first name which isn't common at all and was told that it would go to regional and that was about it, I haven't heard anything from them since, but I'm kind of second guessing the whole thing because I know how him and his family and there is a good chance that they will try to keep her if they ever get her unsupervised

Danielle - posted on 01/10/2012

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Couple of things:
1. Why hasn't anyone recommended Tiffany make a point of having a witness with her at all times she is in the presence of her ex? He isn't likely to do anything if there are witnesses, and if he does, you immediately have someone to backup your claims.

2. Why hasn't anyone recommended Tiffany report the sister-in-law who works for CPS for abuse of power / threats? If you have call records &/or text messages with her threats, then report it. If CPS doesn't do anything to discipline her &/or try to pull anything against you, you can escalate it to THEIR bosses / mayor / governor.

Tiffany - posted on 01/07/2012

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@shay; thank you so much for the advice I already have plenty of text messages, but now my next step would be to contact the different people with authority that I have talked about what's going on as well as the number of times I contacted them. I surely will get on that

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2012

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@ Tiffany - attorney fees vary. Usually they request a retainer fee up front around $1,000-$2,000 and that will go towards your fees. If you do not have the money to afford one I would contact your legal aid society in your county they do things pro bono meaning for free to those who have low income, however every county is different so I am not sure if pro bono attorneys will handle your case. Also, the YWCA has assigned local attorneys in different counties to help women who have been abused or children in a domestic situation. They may help but I am not sure. Best of luck to you dear. It may be a long, drawn out case but remember at the end of the day it is worth your child's safety.

Tiffany - posted on 01/04/2012

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@jennifer: how much do attorneys usually cost? I would love to get one but if I can't afford one then I guess I will just have to make due with what I have

Jennifer - posted on 01/04/2012

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Tiffany I have been through the same thing and unfortunately your attorney is right, unless there is a pattern of abuse of your ex abusing your child they will not grant supervised visitation. It takes a lot to get that. I work in the government field and have also been apart of a domestic relationship that was very bad. All I can say is you are on the right page! Document, document, document. I am not sure what your means are financially, but I would seriously have an attorney present with you, especially if you can get a female attorney that is more maternal and emotional to these cases, I would make sure you have all the print outs of everything, text messages, police reports, and most of all your notebook. Also with your notes make sure you are writing down dates and times if possible. This will be helpful. Also, I am not sure what state you are in but in Ohio with a recorder only one party has to be made aware that they are using a recorder. If you are in Ohio or a state where the law is the same I HIGHLY recommend using this anytime you speak with the ex. I will say try to make it more about him in court then his family. The courts shy away from bringing up other family members because the child is one part you, and one part him, not apart of them. I know in the State of Ohio child support and visitation are 2 different things. Make sure you are clear on what case you are going for. Again, I am not sure if you are in Ohio or not. Things differ from state to state. Best of luck to you.

Tiffany - posted on 01/04/2012

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@ Elissa: I hope the best for you tomorrow for you and your little son. That is ridiculous he's trying to take you to court, but hes been doing drugs thats a shame. Im so glad you have a lawyer, ill be doing more calling to different attorneys for more help. My daughters dad had claimed he was going to get an attorney about 2 or 3 months ago and I still haven't gotten anything in the mail, he also said that he put a restraining order against me which I again did not recieve any notification of anything whatsoever. I want them to have a relationship, but not when I dont receieve calls on her whereabouts and nobody answers my calls or brings her over when they said they would, not when he verbally abuses me cursing me out, not when his family so easily talks bad about the other and then on top of that time after time i would say he could come and he never has, but has threatened to come over after I told him he couldn't when he brought up how his family said why should he have to. Oh and the biggest his cousin threatning me with cps and his sister told me how I dont deserve her, that she hopes cps stays in my kife and that she gets taken away from me.I'm still preparing my little book. I have no idea what will actually be useful, but I'm telling it all just in case it happens again in the future, they will know there is a history of it. Thank you Elissa, let me know how it all goes!

Elissa - posted on 01/03/2012

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I hope the best to you and your little girl! I know it can be scary stuff... Worrying about your child's safety is probably the scariest thing in the world and kudos to you for being such a brave mama! I have my hearing tomorrow and I'm SO NERVOUS. My son's dead beat dad is taking ME to court. But now there's speculation about whether he will even show up. People are telling me he's been doing meth and all kinds of junk that I don't want my son around. I don't know your daughters father, but if he's into drugs you can prove it with a hair follicle test. My lawyer is requesting one for my son's father and the courts will order him to immediately go to provide the hair sample. If it comes up positive, he will have to reimburse you for the cost of the test ($175 where I live) AND that is a definite way to ensure supervised visitation. Also, the courts may be a lot more lenient with your concerns since you have proof of him saying that he doesn't want to deal with his "mess." AND since he hasn't taken any care with her by himself, I doubt they will just ask you to hand him over to her, at least that's what I was told be the prosecutors office in my city when I called regarding my son. I know it's scary as hell. But please keep strong for your little girl. Someday she's going to look back and see who was actually there for her her whole life. Good luck to you and your baby!!!!

Luvmia - posted on 01/03/2012

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Oh don't worry about it. I just was clarifying the details. lol. I hope it doesn't reopen either.

Tiffany - posted on 01/02/2012

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O okay sorry I misunderstood. Well in that case I hope it doesn't reopen either.

Luvmia - posted on 01/02/2012

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The case has been modified. The issue is that my ex is wants it reopened. God willing, I will pray that it does not happen because I do not want to go through it again and also miss anytime from school and/or work.

Tiffany - posted on 01/02/2012

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@luvmia: thanks a lot I plan on sticking to nothing but the facts and things I can actually prove,but I never thought of dressing up as such so that really helps me a lot and the key thing I will remember do not get emotional and like you said as well handle it as business because that's exactly what it is.

Luvmia - posted on 01/02/2012

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Just make sure that you stick to the facts when you go in to state your case. Often, men and women use the court room as a "smackdown" which does not help the case. The judge does not care about our emotional baggage. You want to appear to the judge as intelligent, cool, calm and collect and that you are there to take care of business. A good idea is to wear a business suit, pull your hair back and wear eyeglasses (you can get a pair of reading glasses from the dollar store).



I hope everything works out for you. I have not heard from the court whether or not my modification case will be reopened. I am trying to patiently wait.

Tiffany - posted on 01/02/2012

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@miriam: I just got a letter in the mail saying that he has been served. I will still continue to try to get legal help or assistance, but right now ill just keep looking over what I do have,making my adjustments and getting ready. I hope all goes well for you!

Luvmia - posted on 12/26/2011

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Tiffany, thanks for the support and being a listening ear. I am sincerely glad we have met.

Luvmia - posted on 12/26/2011

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Angie, thanks for the encouragement and advice. I sincerely appreciate it.



And you are totally right about facebook. I found out from a lawyer (after I had my panic attack and chest pain from receiving my ex's papers against me in the mail) that facebook posting is not admissible. All praises and thanks be to God.



I find that men never let go. I thought that once he got married and had a baby, things would be different. But I guess not.



It took me a long time to realize that happiness does not come from people especially my own family. I am currently focusing on finding my happiness in life. It's an uphill battle but I refuse to give up and to not allow people to cause me misery.

Tiffany - posted on 12/21/2011

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@ luvmia; I agree with angie it's not complaining at all. We all need to release whatever is on our mind before it all builds up and then we pop lol. But seriously, I do not mind listening to you or anyone else for that matter it does wonders and I believe that one way or another everything will be okay for all of us!

Luvmia - posted on 12/20/2011

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I am waiting to find out if the child modification case is going to be reopened. My ex decided to request for a motion to reconsider to accuse me of fraud by trying to say that my kid and he had a conversation on facebook about the details I presented in court. Such a bastard! So now I have to wait till about January maybe February for the court to reach a decision. Eventhough I spoke to a lawyer whom told me that the facebook information is inmaterial, I am still wondering what is going to happen.

It is always something. I hate men sometimes. I know this is bad for me to say but it is how I feel.

thanks for listening to me complain. lol.

Tiffany - posted on 12/20/2011

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@ angie: thanks a lot I need as much advice that I can get and I will definetly stick with the facts when I present all of my concerns and I don't contact him anymore at all I had to have my number changed because his cousin got a hold of me and thats when I decied enough was enough and that's what the officer recommended that I spoke with as well.That would be nice that everything does get put into my favor...if only but we will see and I will surely keep you all updated. Thanks again Angie

Angie - posted on 12/20/2011

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you already have proof that he doesn't make effort to see her..quit reaching out if you don't have a visitation order in effect now; maybe you will get lucky and he won't show up and you will win by default!! lol

Angie - posted on 12/20/2011

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wow...that's a long time to prepare, as hard as it is, try to keep your emotion out of it & stay with the facts, keep yourself healthy and happy for you baby girl :) And as far as your off topic, it is unimaginable to me what goes through people's head to hurt an innocent child, we just had a mother beat her 13mo old to death because she was too hung over to deal with him...so very sad especially when there are so many good parents out there that would move heaven and earth to make their child happy and healthy :)

Angie - posted on 12/20/2011

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I know it always makes me feel better emotionally prepared to do it that way too, but several times I have walked away frustrated from the lovely court system...all that stress, hype, worry, take time off work...and then they continue it or something else as equally stupid...best of luck to you ~ is your court date soon?

Tiffany - posted on 12/20/2011

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@ angie:Thankfully as far as I know in texas they do. A friend of mine had went not too long ago and the visitation went right along with it and also when I talk to the people who tell you about your case they advised me to bring what I have so I thank God I am able to do that because it is just too much.

Luvmia - posted on 12/19/2011

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The hardest part is waiting for the court date to arrive. Lol. I know all about that.

Tiffany - posted on 12/18/2011

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Oh most definetly I am so glad I learned that now as well at such a young age. Lol yea he told me how there were times that his sister had plenty to say aboout me as well so I'm not surprised at all. I'm just glad that's not my family,but sadly its hers smh. I'm just looking forward to getting this childsupport figured and visitation so I don't have to hear crap from them as much because I'm sure someone will still have something to say, but at least it will be legally set. In the meantime ill gather as much proof and evidence I can. And talk to as many legal people that I can.

Luvmia - posted on 12/18/2011

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It sounds like his mom and sister are two-faced and were playing both sides. I am quite sure that when they were in your ear about him, they were also in his ear about you. It is sad to say that I realized that females can be just as cruddy as men if not worse than them. If they know where you live, you may want to consider moving when you get the finances to do so. And once you do that, see if you can use someone's address for any court filings. I know... it is a shame that you have to rearrange your life just to have some peace.



Of course you get blamed for everything because it is easier to put the blame on you so they can look like angels. It took me a long time that no matter what a woman does in this life, she will be the blame whether it is her fault (which usually it is not) or is the blame. Men act like it is our job and that we are suppose to keep a relationship going and to make it work; to fix all the problems in their lives especially their childhood issues (whew! don't get me started on that.; to put up with whatever BS they put us through and to jump when they say jump, to name a few.

Just use this experience as a learning experience. A wise woman once said, "Men are meant to be enjoyed, not trusted." And she never lied when she said that! lol. Just like they have their hidden agendas for dealing with you, you should have your own in dealing with them.



I am thankful that I figured this out before I hit 30. Imagine all the women whom are in their 30s, 40s and even 50s whom are still going through the same nonsense. Just be proud of yourself for figuring it out now before you become like them.

Tiffany - posted on 12/17/2011

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It really is both like you said. Lol peope talk about baby mama drama all the timebut never what the dad causes. I hope things get better for you and I will take what you said to heart and continue to document everything even after everything is settled. The kids really do suffer the most, but a lot of times they don't care or are too focused on themselves. I find it funny how I get blamed for it all when from the beginning his mom and sister were in my ear telling me how much he was like his bio dad whom doesn't support any of his children and so much more. As long as I know the truth and I'm being a great mother to her that's all I can really control, the rest I can just hope it gets better, but if after this is settled and they are still causing me problems smh...idk what ill do

Luvmia - posted on 12/17/2011

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It's a shame. It is really low to use children as pawns. Both men and women are guilty of it. I just don't understand why people can't be mature adults when a relationship is over and just go their seperate ways without all of the drama. There are no blessings in spite work. The people whom really get hurt are the children.

I can't tell you how many times my ex has come to where I live and did not speak to me in front of our son, even when I speak to him first. lol. So childish. But I had to look at it as these are his issues, not mine. One thing is for sure is just because someone grows older does not mean they grow up. I find this is very much prevalent when you are dealing with men.

I hope everything works out for you. Just make sure you stay on your A game by documenting everything that goes on in a notebook and get an expandable folder for any other proof.

Tiffany - posted on 12/16/2011

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I surely will and I will continue to talk to authority figures. Three that I have talked to said that they stuff like my situation everyday and its really sad. What really got me was one of the deputy's I've talked to deals with cps and has told me that the majority of things that she sees come through are out of spite. ..someone is mad about something so they got out of their way and falsely accuse people while waisting everyones' time. Them doing that hinders the children that really are getting abused from getting the much needed help they need because of people like that.

Luvmia - posted on 12/16/2011

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Well, it's a good thing you got your number changed. As far as I am concerned, no contact is the best contact. Just know that misery loves company and you must refuse to be accompanied to it. Men in general are sore losers and do not like it when we don't fall to pieces after the relationship is over. I bet it hurts your ex that you have moved on and that you are happier regardless of his antics.

Make sure you also tell your primary care physician about any abuse you suffered dealing with him so he or she can document it. When you have people with titles that have prestige such as doctor, minister, etc. in your corner, it makes your allegations more factual. If you have to, request your physician to give you a referral to see a therapist so the therapist can say that the harm you endured from this man has scarred you. One thing I learned is that you have to know how to play the game when it comes to battling with these fools we have children by. Sigh. Family life. lol.

Tiffany - posted on 12/16/2011

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@luvmia: most definetly I've had to deal with this crap since I was pregnant and it has gotten worse since I broke up with him. I'm going to do the best I can and lett as many people know what has happened and what is going on because its too much. I thank god I got my number changed which is what one of the officers suggested I do. There is no telling what else would've happened or who would've called next.

Luvmia - posted on 12/15/2011

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Wonderful! I am glad you talked to an attorney so you can solidify your case. I know this sounds kind of corny but you make me proud because you are strong and standing your ground letting your ex and his family know that you are not going to be intimidated and pushed around. I just like to see my sistas taking care of business regardless of what obstacles come our way. One thing is for sure is that it is hard to keep a strong woman down.

Tiffany - posted on 12/14/2011

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@luvmia: I surely will continue to most definetly...I talked to another attorney today and he gave me so much useful info and have made the decision to report his cousin whether she really works for them or not id rather be safe than sorry. I'm glad I only have one as well and have learned such a big lesson out of all of this but wouldn't change my baby girl for anything. We will get through this!

Luvmia - posted on 12/14/2011

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Continue to keep your head up. It is not easy dealing with these men and their families. I am just glad that I only have one kid.

Tiffany - posted on 12/14/2011

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I totally agree so I'm hoping with all that I have that they at least grant supervised until the age of 3 when she can tell me what's happening and what's going on.

Ash - posted on 12/14/2011

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yes, i feel if they want to play the games, then they need to see you dont endorse milton bradley...her dad does that not answering the phone , not responding texts,etc...so im firm on the thought of gettin deesignated ppl to assist with my needs to keep my child safe.

Tiffany - posted on 12/14/2011

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Thanks ash I have been doing my best to keep up with everything that has happend...including everything listed above.even had to change my number because his cousin decided to harass me and threaten me with cps and that she apparently works there...just ridiculous and that is terrible that your child comes back with that. They should at least let you know because when they don't it does nothing but make them look guilty. What really got me was when her grandma refused to answer my calls or text even after we had agreed and then she got upset when I confronted her about it. So for now they cannot reach me but if they ever try to come to my house I am for sure calling the police.

Ash - posted on 12/14/2011

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I deal with child support and as far as any speculated abuse, it will go through the visitation hotline.They have to meet with you initially however to get the specifics, and then they can assist you to figure how visits may be. My child comes home every time with something new. The most severe was a burn on her leg when she was one from a "space heater", and I told the dr about it because he didnt notify me about it. So child support is just guidelines, and if he feels he is going to call to report you, you have your proof that he is not capable of being alone with your child.

Tiffany - posted on 12/13/2011

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@ luvmia:indeed I agree I plan on using that as a last rsort but I'm still going to bring everything else I have just in case

Luvmia - posted on 12/13/2011

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It might be hard to prove the abuse since as you said there is no proof. Speak to an attorney about what evidence you need to have to help you with your case. I know two pieces of proof are daycare costs and your wages.

I hope everything works out for you.

Tiffany - posted on 12/13/2011

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Thanks a lot Yasmin: I surely will bring that up ill start with what I can and then with what I can't necessarily prove. I've been talking with this detective and she knows all about what has been going on so it helps to know that there's someone with authority that I can go to. I went after him for the support but mostly for the visitation...I got tired of being blamed for keeping her away when I obviously stated several times how you could come see her. I wanted the support because it would help me out but I could also put money away for her for whenever she needs it. Its been a long hard road but I believe it'll be okay in the end. I wish you and your son the best as well.

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