Separated. Mommy of Irish twins and daddy issues

Amyspicture - posted on 03/14/2017 ( 3 moms have responded )




Long story short, I am separated from the father of my two children who are both under the age of three.

He has a problem with lying, he's a bit narsassistic, and tends to invalidate issues and other people's feelings.

With that being said...
he's paying absolute minimum amounts to support my two children. $200 a month.... and this was temporarily agreed upon in the beginning because honestly I just wanted to make sure he wouldn't fight to have the children. The original agreement was, $200 a month and he would have them over night on his day off every week and on Saturday nights. He's sent long winded texts and conversations about how much he wants to be there for them, always followed by why he's not or hasn't been able to. This past month he only had them for 3 days total. (He works, 6 min down the road with traffick, has no second job, works 9-6, and plays video games constantly). When I confronted him on his lack of involvement with no good excuse, he stepped up and visited them more for a total of one week before going back to his past habits of seeing them maybe once every 10 days. He doesn't call them. Doesn't FaceTime. Doesn't communicate whatsoever and I'm getting exhausted of this emotional roller coaster.

Since we aren't legally divorced yet, I'm not sure how to handle dealing with this kind of behavior. I personally feel like it's emotionally damaging, not only to my children, but also to me. There are so many empty promises. So so so many. I just can't handle it anymore.

(I have divorce papers done, it's just a matter of certain things being completed before it's final. But even then I don't know how to handle this sort of situation.)


View replies by

Ev - posted on 03/18/2017




Also keep in mind that child support and visitation are two separate issues.

Kvolm2016 - posted on 03/15/2017




Excellent advice from Sarah E! As she suggested, some counseling for you will help you get off the "emotional roller coaster" and live by your terms and not his.

A couple of other things I would ask:
Is your expectation of his involvement realistic? When you all lived together, how much time did he invest in the children? If it was quite a bit, then yes he should be held accountable for maintaining that same level of investment. But if the reality was that he was not that involved even when it was convenient, it is not surprising that he is not keeping up with this current arrangement.
How long ago was this original agreement put in place? If it has been several months of this pattern then he has already shown his lack of commitment and again you probably need to realize that it is not going to get better.
Hope this helps!

Sarah - posted on 03/14/2017




What do want advice about? You cannot force him to step up, if you could you probably still be married to him. Lay out the schedule, tell him you expect him to appear at a certain time to collect the kids and return them the next day. If he blows the visit off, document it carefully. Don't engage in pleading or bargaining. It is terribly sad for the kids to have a disinterested parent; sadly neither you nor the kids can fix him. File for adequate child support. That is his obligation and the kids have a right to receive the support. Some counseling for you and your kids will probably help. Helping the kids to learn that dad does love them he just can't show it right now is a positive position for you. Kids are fiercely loyal and if he does mend his ways you don't want to have put him down to the kids. Good Luck!

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