Seperation from Grandparents /Cohabitating before marriage

Andrea - posted on 02/19/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Any single moms out there who have actually met a new person and wanted to move out from your parents house ?



I'm having the problem that they dont want me to move away with my son because it is 8 hrs away ... How will i get childcare etc they just keep asking these questions which are legitimate but I feel like they are holding onto just my child "we've put so much time into his life and to have that ripped away from us " .... yeah



Meanwhile i'm not sure how to explaine to the 5 year old about this because I'm not sure if my boyfriend and I will be engaged or married by the time this all happens [ we are looking at having this happen before the next school year begins ]



I have my reservations on living together before marriage or at least engaged.... ..I think it's a bold statement to have us move out there like that so i dont think it's fair to do that without him making a commitment ...but his parents got a divorce and he's telling me half of all marriages end in divorce which to me is simply NOT something I would be able to deal with ....



I'm not sure how to be sure about this without giving it a try ...but trying means me loosing everything here at home and going somewhere pretty unfamilar



Can anyone relate to any of this ??

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Cristina - posted on 02/19/2009

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Yeah I hear you I think that you are moving for the right reasons its tough being a single mom most of us have no choice and end up living with overbearing grandparents  that think think of the child as their own and in my situation dont back up your parenting style I love my bf for the fact that hes totaly with me on the child reaing thing. Grandparents dont think of how much harder they make this single parenting thing. Everyone assumes that you have to to shut and live under your parents rules like as if you are a kid even tho you are contributing . I left a job recently that made me feel the same way you feel working at wallmart. I appreciate the help I get from my mom but I hate having to stand up for myself all the time when I have to remind her who my sons mom is.

Andrea - posted on 02/19/2009

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oh good i'm not alone ...



i tried school and i then never got a job in the field i went to school for ...so i'm stuck at walmart/retail jobs because i couldnt find health care jobs around my area ...



my boyfriend's area has many many more hospitals then here and they are closer so that's part of the reason why I would move there hoping to find something easier then here with the # of hospitals increased so much  ...



he's a wonderful "father" he's really stepped up to the point where he knows my son better then his actual father ...



my poor son just thinks its normal to live with grandma and grandpa ..



i have never had enough $ to move out on our own and i just cant being in this same town forever ... so that's why i want to leave ....but then again that's me living with the boyfriend and i asked him about bills and such etc it weirds me out ..i dont wanna have to pay him rent ...



we do have a joint bank account we've had it for awhile now we use it now to put $ in for plane tickets to see each other ..i throw in about $20 every pay check etc ...so it's both our money paying to see each other ....



 

Cristina - posted on 02/19/2009

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I am in the same boat as you I have moved back n forth from having roomates and living with my mom and I am currently in school trying to better myself and I have been in a very secure relationship with my bf and plan to move in with my bf in the new year. Its tough being a single parent. I am trying to secure a better paying job so that I wont feel financialy dependant on the bf and trying to get my drivers licence as well so that I dont feel stuck and having to take the bus much longer. Living with my mom is hell.  I just wished things happened faster because I feel my sons life and mine will be so much better once I move in with him. I never move in with a guy unless marriage is somewhere in the picture. I really dont understand people that move in and out of relationship situation. I try to have my sons needs in front of mine all the time. His dad died almost 2 and a half years ago and my life has been in limbo since. and  it takes a great effort to plan your future just like that

Lisa - posted on 02/19/2009

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To Sarah,

Have you looked into universities with family housing. Depending on your state you can get extra financial aid and Family housing to live on your own with just your son for awhile.

To Andrea,

Have you considered close Apartments To your SO that aren't Together?

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2009

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Yep, I know how you feel. I was only 19 when I got pregnant and a freshman in college so I had no choice but to live with my parents when my sons father left me. I had my son 3 days after my 20th birthday so we're now 22.5 and 2.5 and I am so ready to be on my own. I have never had my wishes listend to by my dad or sister. I'm told I'm lazy and pathetic cause I don't watch after my 13mo old nephew while my sister is home. I'm just ready to be on my own and live how I want and not have to answer anyone. I've only been with my bf for 3mo but my son likes him and he's good with my son and I know he'll be a great father. He accepts that we're a packaged deal and wants me and Matthew to be a part of his life. He's mentioned us moving in together but neither one of us are in the best financial spots. I'm only working part time and only get 4-10hrs a wk, tops. Things should pick up at Easter time. I'm a photographer at Sears. He was in physical thereapy so he couldn't work but he's just recently been discharged so he put in an application to Game Stop. But I still need to get back to school since I finally know what I want to do. By the time I finish school my son will be in school. I really don't want to live here that long. I don't want to rush any relationship but it would be great to be able to have us our own little family in our own place. He rooms with his bro and a friend. They're getting a house once it starts warming up.

Lisa - posted on 02/19/2009

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Oh my goodness I so know how this goes. I'm in grad school and Met a guy in Indiana we love each other and he loves my son but my family actually asked That if I was gonna live with him that Noah move in with mom till we were sure. Psychologically that makes sense but Now they are not sure that even if we are sure Noah should be with us because They helped raise him. It's frustrating but you will get through it promise!

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