shold I stay with him?

Sarah - posted on 04/17/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )




I am 19 and I had a relaionship with ths guy named james for 3 years, well he cheated alot and I was 15,16,17 at the time so I partied alot too. Anyways I decided to leave him because Ididn't want to play the games. I met a new guy named chris shortly after me and james split. I was told chris was cheating whe we first got together. We remained together after that. Well 3 months ater we met he stole my carand totalled it. He was drunk at the time and I forgve him. I was confused after that and didn't know i I should of got back with james or what. Me and james ended up havin sex and me and chris was stillhveing sex and I turned up pregnant. Threfor I don't know who my childs father is... please look at my pics and give oppinions. Chris's album has alot of pics. Anyway chris knew me and james did stuff and still stayed with me. We have been together for a year and 4 months on and off and I am asking if Ishould stay wit him because he says he loves me, but I have been told many things o other girls and now he is in jail and sayin we are gonna start over and be a happy family even if m child is james. help please.


Christina - posted on 04/20/2011




So much drama, hon. Are you sure that is how you see your future, is that what you want? 6 billion people on the planet. . .are you thinking of happiness, your child or just habit - think it over - move on. You can design the life of your dreams - just don't settle.

Kim - posted on 04/20/2011




Dear Sarah, I too, was in a similar situation; and I ended up choosing to stay with the second guy and married him. Things were great for awhile, but then he started to resent my child and me. He never grew up, didn't want to keep a job and drank and partied all of our money away. I had to work two FT jobs just to keep food on the table and his beer in the fridge. We fought all the time and he would smack me around. Eventually I grew tired of that and we would end up fist fighting. A lot of our things were broken in the process. I stayed with him AND had another child, thinking that someday he would change. He didn't. The last straw was that he tried using the kids against me, so I left him and went to stay with my mom. Four days later he committed suicide. I had been with him since I was 15 years old! Don't get me wrong, I loved him, but is this the life you want for your new baby? Please hunny, be smart about this and DO NOT think that you can't do it by yourself--thats why I stayed with him, and I should have been smarter. Now, I work ONE full-time job and pay the bills and have an EXCELLENT boyfriend who loves me and my kids. Make the right choice for you and your baby--it'll be worth it in the end if you tell BOTH of these men to go F#!K themselves. There are lots of community organizations that can help you and you are too young to try and settle one of these boys down. If they cheat now, they probably will forever. You only live once, be happy.


View replies by

Alisha - posted on 05/04/2011




If you just sit and think a few minutes about how the other person makes you feel most of the time (stressed vs. at ease/safe) and also if you can trust them or not and feel that they will be there for you no matter what, treat you with respect, and show that they love you by being patient, kind, honor you, not use you etc. then stay with them... other than that, it is not worth the trouble darling! As long as you're not married, I would get out of that relationship quick and move on! Any cheating is never going to change and you don't want to be going through that stress for the rest of your life and your child doesn't need to see that as a relationship to copy.

Sarah - posted on 04/20/2011




thankyou Trish and Kim. These are really helpful posts. Me and my son are now living with my mom and dad and they are trying to help me get on my feet. Get in school and have a part-time job. It's vey hard for me because thinking I was in love with chris 'the second one' for sure I miss him and thought about going back to him.... but he is in jail, his car is out of commision, no job and owes his family money , so I'm thinking I would be putting myself in a stupid situation that I don't need to be in. I'm sorry to hear that he committed suicide. That is heartbreaking I would feel like I blame myself if Chris did that, but he wouldn't step up and take care of responsibility. I wanna believe he will change but as far as other women go, I wasn't important enough for him to not do all the things he did, so why I am I important enough all of a sudden? It doesn't make any sense. I don't understand why I feel like I need him. ya know? I don't understand how I love someone who lied to me, cheated, left me at a bar when I was pregnant, who chose partying over me. It's so much stuff.

Trish - posted on 04/18/2011




It's hard to tell because as your baby gets older their face will change too. You'll need to do a DNA test to be 100% certain who baby's dad is.

Plus my other advice to you is start focusing on you and baby. F**K these guys. These 2 guys are no good for you. How can they say they love you and do all these bad things to you. Love is suppose to make you happy and safe. AND if these guys are cheating, stealing and unstable...MOVE ON.

Your baby comes first and needs to be in a stable and loving home. Start loving yourself first. You're a beautiful girl who's been blessed with a beautiful baby. If you want unconditional love, look at your baby. Your baby will give that love to you. These guys will continue to f**k you around... so cut the drama. Make better decisions.You're so young and you need to grow up fast for your baby's sake. You need to wise up.

Also your relationship with Chris sounds unstable. You need someone there solid...not on and off. When you get older and look back at your you want to regret having stayed in a bad situation...or look back and be proud that you were strong and had your little family...only you and baby.

Somewhere out there in this world...You'll meet a good man who will treat you good and love you and your baby unconditionally. You'll need to wait. Good things take time and you need to mature up. Chris and James aren't it. AND ask yourself this question... do you deserve to be cheated on continuously? Do you deserve a boyfriend who's on and off and behind bars? You need to build yourself strong and LOVE you and focus on your baby. Don't seek love from men that just say it (because love to them is just a word). Love is action. Gain confidence in yourself. As a woman you can do anything. You don't need a man.

And if you really want to know who the father is google where you can do Paternal DNA tests and how much it's gonna cost, in your area.

Good luck.

Serene - posted on 04/17/2011




I think that you are better off being single, these no good men are NOT worth all of this drama. You can do bad by yourself and focus on you and youre baby.

Sarah - posted on 04/17/2011




thankyou. I have gave him chances over and over andit feels like t just keeps tuning out the same. it's like it takes tme then all over again I'm broke dwn cryng unhappy and everything. thankyou for responding

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2011




Anyone that will hurt you like this is NOT worth staying with... I'm sorry to say it, but maybe you should try to be single for a while, and focus on you and the baby; your guys' happiness. All the best.

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