Should I "force" my daughters father to see her?

Nicole - posted on 02/23/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My ex husband flakes a lot of times when he is supposed to see our daughter. He always has something else to do, "errands" to run or something that's more important to him. I don't understand why he doesn't plan those activities around the weekends he's supposed to see her. When we got divorced we said we would make our own schedule for visitation, so they didn't apply the standard order to us. I want her to see him every other weekend, and have it be consistent so that 1. she knows she has a dad who loves her and is involved with her, and 2. I need a break sometimes! It might sound selfish, but it's exhausting being the one person that provides everything for her. My question is, how far should I go to try and make him spend time with her or how much effort should I make to make her aware of who her dad is? I still keep pictures of him around the house and I let her call him on the phone when she asks to, but I don't know if I should be going out of my way if he is making no effort. Any advice?

7 Comments

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Florence - posted on 02/24/2009

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well like you say he is not making an effort my suggestion is do not force him but also lets hope he is gonna come around wat good is it to force him have you ever considered the consiquences of forcing some one he might abuse her wen she visits him so let it be him who asks to visit or simple take him to court for child support talking from experience i believe in giving a fool a rope to hang himself believ me it is going to be long enough and he is gonna come back to his sense if he doesnot then it goes to show that he was just not worth it you say you need a break sometimes my suggestion is take your baby to a day care facility there you are gauranted she will be well taken care of am not sure whether your parents are still alive bbut if there take her there or to your sisters do not make the guy fel as though you want him back unless that is wat you want of which you are entitled to your own feelings watever you do put your childs feeling first because she is going to suffer or benefit at the end of it all all the best though

Jen - posted on 02/24/2009

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Nicole you are doing a great job . but you need to stop forcing your ex to bond with his daughter . It sound nasty but you cause yourself to have a break down over it. You know the ball is in his court and he can visit or not visit. . You might need to go and see a lawyer on what  choice you  can do like a drop in center where you can take your daughter  and your ex can pick her up  . or  maybe his parents house . I know you want daughter to know her daddy  but she doesn't need you to have a break down over your ex.



I have a son who is 7 and we found out my ex got married and had a second child but to his wife her first . My son didn't care due to I explain to him that  people will come in and out of his life . plus we would like them to stay in our life to death do apart but some time it doesn't work.  explain that you love your daughter so she will feel safe that you not going to leave her .Plus to have a break maybe daycare  or ask family to help you.

Lucretia - posted on 02/24/2009

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Hi there i have a daughter of six the last she saw her Dad was when she was two,she does not ask me about him anymore and once we got him in the shopping mall,he spoke to her and when he left I asked her if she new the uncle she said no,later in that week she told me she knew it was her father but it's really up to him if he wants to see her or not.I cannot force him of her.She is a very happy go lucky child and I don't want anything to make her unhappy,for example him telling her he's coming to visit and he does not.I don't want empty promises made to my child

Aleycia - posted on 02/23/2009

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I don't think you should force him to see her. It's not fair to her. Just continue with the phone calls and make her a photo album with pictures of her dad and leave some pages open so she can add more in the future. If you do decide to though you should get a visitation schedule setup by the court and possibly have a mediator for drop-offs/pick-ups so he cannot flake out. It's not selfish wanting time to yourself. I love knowing my son is going to his father's so I can have me time.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2009

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stop trying.  it has taken me over a year to figure this out.  My ex lives about 7 minutes away and my girls never see him or talk to him.  He doesnt answer my calls, I have to go to his work to set up visits.  its too much work, they know where their children are they just choose not to be involved.  If he calls great, but I dont bring it up to him or my girls anymore; if they ask why thier dad never visits or calls I explain that he made a choice not to see them.  sometimes I have them write letters to him if, not that he responds, but at least they get it out.

Tina - posted on 02/23/2009

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My sons dad left before he was even born for someone else. When he finally arrived it took six months to get him to come anywhere near, then him 'the other woman' split up and now he sees him twice a week for 3 hours. I was very reluctant at first because i didn't trust him to take proper care of him. Now i look forward to my own time. I didn't force him to come and see Alex, i just let him work it out for himself which seemed to work out better for us all. Now He loves taking him out and spending time with him. I think if i had forced him to come it wouldn't have worked at all. Hope this helps.

Melissa - posted on 02/23/2009

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Personally.. I wouldnt force him to see her. I think that in the long run they may both come to resent being forced upon each other like that. I would suggest planning your time without him .. it will be hard, but not impossible. Treat each weekend like its yours, if you need some alone time maybe you could plan for a sitter (grandma, sister, cousin??) I know that not everybody has these options .. (I sure dont), but I can get my neice to sit for me on occation, even if its only for a few hours. I dont know your ex's personality, but if he was forced to take her, would he take good care of her? Well, that's how I would look at it. Hope this helps :D

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