Single from the Start...

Emily - posted on 02/27/2009 ( 82 moms have responded )

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Hi I'm Emily and I have gorgeous little almost 8 month old boy Tyler. I have been single since I found out I was pregnant and just want to meet other single mums who are trying to bring their little rugrats alone.

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Cassie - posted on 03/30/2009

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Hi Emily, my name is Cassie. I have a son that is 5 almost 6 I have been raising my son on my own since he was almost 1 yr old. It has been a struggle and my family has helped out alot. I just keep reminding myself that his dad will regret not being a bigger part of his life. John is the greatest joy in my life, no matter how bad of a day I could have I take one look at that big smile and it melts my heart. At times I couldnt imagine having anyone else around though, I love having time for just John and me to play or read or whatever else we want to do together. No matter how hard it is at times.. ITS ALL WORTH IT!!! Good luck :)

Stephanie - posted on 03/30/2009

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Hi im Stephanie, I have a beautiful nearly 5 year old boy Scott, ive brought him up from day one on my own, I love every minute, dont get me wrong we all have our moments especially us but i wouldnt change it for the world, see my son has Epilepsy, and a few other problems, i was told when he was born that he wouldnt be able to do anything for himself and that he might never walk, but thank god he's proved all the docs wrong he's walking, he does everything for himself, he's not like most 5 year olds he is a bit behind for his age, but i wouldnt change it for the world.. I was 17 when i had him an ive done everything from taking him to all his appointments like speech and physio and so on.. The so called father, is a P**** he walks past Scott as if he isnt his, wouldnt even say hello to him, but thats fine by me cause its saves me the stress of having him in his life letting him down when he wants, at the end of the day its his loss not Scott's, Scott has al the love his needs from me alone and then my family and friends and their families, im blessed that i have a great family and great circle of friends. Its nice to know there is people there that you can talk to, thats in the same boat as you and they know what your going through, so anyone need to chat im all ears dont hesitant to get in contact... Remember girls enjoy and cherish every minute cause they grow up so quick..... x

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hi im a single mum of 6 they range from 4 to 17 hard work but iml oving evry minute of it but would be good to meet other mums

Katie - posted on 03/29/2009

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Hi, my name is Katie and I've been a single mom from the start also. My daughter is now 3 and things are getting a lot easier. Her father has never been in the picture and you know what, I don't want him there. The stories that some of you have posted are very similar. All I have to say is thank God for family. They have helped me so much.

Michelle - posted on 03/29/2009

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hi my names michelle i went through a simular realationship with my x.when i did find out i was preg he told me hes goin to kick my baby out of me! and he tried it ! but didn't suceed thank god.he use to just flip for no reason.i managed to leave him and than found out he had skin cancer and died a month before i had her. everyone said i had a lucky escape.

Michelle - posted on 03/29/2009

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Hi Emily,my names Michelle i have a 7 yr old daughter who is like my best friend.I've been a single mom from the start.I finished with my daughters father at the begining of pregnancy,didn't have any contact with him then found out when i was 7 months pregnant he was really poorly in hospital with skin cancer.He passed away a month later on the 4th nov i had my little girl on the 1st dec.Thankfully i had my family to support me.Getting through that was the hardest thing i will ever experience but its made me so strong inside.Shes the best!!! it wasn't a gd realationship any way,he was violent towards me.EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!

Michelle - posted on 03/29/2009

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Hi Emily,my names Michelle i have a 7 yr old daughter who is like my best friend.I've been a single mom from the start.I finished with my daughters father at the begining of pregnancy,didn't have any contact with him then found out when i was 7 months pregnant he was really poorly in hospital with skin cancer.He passed away a month later on the 4th nov i had my little girl on the 1st dec.Thankfully i had my family to support me.Getting through that was the hardest thing i will ever experience but its made me so strong inside.Shes the best!!!

Katie - posted on 03/29/2009

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I have a wonderfull little boy is nearly 2and half he has been my world for the past two years and half me and his father split before found out i was pregant we did try to work things out while i was preg but he cheated on me so i decided to go it alone in between this time i meet a guy a year later who told me he could not have kids 3 months later i found out i was preg and then half way through my preg we split up as i had depression and still have atm so i ahve a baby girl who is nearly 3 months..i wont pretend its easy as its not life has become alot harder since ave my little girl love her too bits and she is worth it ..bothe men are unfortuanetly still involved with both my children my little girl dad is wonderfull has from wed til fri which does help my little boy dad is a waste of space who my son thinks is great for some wierd reason but one day he will see him for what he is ...both my children are my world and they put smile on my face daily and thats what matters to me nothing else...x

Leah - posted on 03/28/2009

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Hi my name is Leah. my daughter is almost 6 months old. my ex and I broke up before I found out I was pregnant, and he already has a new gf.... he has been with her for a year now. I love my daughter!! her father on the other hand, said he was going to be in her life and that he wasnt going to be like his father and step father. yeah right, he is turning out to be exactly like them. he has hardly seen her. he was there for her birth because I wanted him to be there. his whole family is supportive of her and I. everyone I know wants to beat him over the head with a 2x4 because of what he is doing. his gf has even said she is going to be step mom....not if I have anything to do with it. I cant believe all the support I have around me. it's more then I could have asked for and then some. he has seen her probably less then 12 times since she was born. and she is such a good baby.... super happy, talkative(in her own way), playful. well not right now though, I found out tonight that she has a small cold. 2 months ago I think, he even said he wanted to take her for a whole weekend. I am EBF with her, and he thought she was being formula fed. I told him, 1) you need to be in her life more before you think of taking her, 2) feeding her might be an issue, 3) I need financial support too. he said he didnt know what else to do, **head smack**. then I was down his mom's house to visit with her for V-day and she was getting fussy because she wanted to nurse and he was sound asleep next to us. ok you said you wanted to take her for a weekend, um if you can sleep right through her fussing for a short time(and she has a set of lungs on her), how are you going to be able to take care of her for a whole weekend..... his excuse he was tired from all the hours of work he had. **head smack** you dont think I am tired sometimes. I am working part time right now, and there are times at night when I wish I could just go to bed early. instead I go to sleep well after she is down for the night. you dont think I am tired sometimes. I swear men just dont get it. ugh. yes, diapers here and wipes there are fine, but she needs more then just that for you to be considered daddy. anyone can be a father, but it takes a man to be daddy. i know it's sad but I really dont think he will wake up and realize what he is missing out on, until the day she calls someone else daddy. and trying to date is soo hard. I live with my parents still also. if she fusses at night, they arent the ones getting up, it's me. you really must not think that I can get tired too sometimes. ugh



 



sorry about the rant. oh yeah, and I hear from him probably once a month, and she sees him probably about that much too. it's been at least 3 weeks since the last time I have seen/heard from him. he loves to go out to the club every weekend and drink. his gf is away at grad school in philly right now, and she is home every other weekend and I know she hears from him more then I do. when I do hear from him, his excuse for not calling more often is because he is tired from work, yet I know that his gf talks with him for like 2 hours every night. even just a 5 minute phone call, if not every night then every other just to check in and see how she is doing would be better then once a month. to see if she needs anything and to see how she is doing.

Bianca - posted on 03/28/2009

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Hi Emily,



My name is bianca, and I have a 10 month old daughter, and I have been on my own since I found I was pregnant. I do have family and friends to help.

Emma - posted on 03/28/2009

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Yes, Im in the same 'boat' too! I have an 8 and a 5 year old. I was with their dad for nearly 6 years. We spilt up when I was 3 months pregnant the first time because of his family but decided to get back together when my daughter was 6 months old.

I tried to play 'happy families' as thats what everyone thought we she do and to be honest I never thought anyone would want me as a single parent. After two long years of trying i decided I was better off on my own as all he did was work and go out with his mates. A week later I found out I was expecting.

Both of my pregnancys were difficult I had hyperemisis (severe sickness) both times and pre-eclampsia both times and spent weeks in hospital. My youngest has been in and out of hospital with a rare condidtion but Ive had to do it all on my own, no phone calls, no help or support just a birthday and christmas card with a cheque to ease his guilt.

He has two other children with his girlfriend, the eldest was born just 5 months after my youngest, his youngest I had to hear about from a friend. He doesnt pay a penny and I had a call from the CSA last week to say he denies being their dad.

Ive been on my own for neary 6 years and yes its hard, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if Id stayed but deep down I know I made the right choice for the girls and me. Despite the loneliness I wouldnt change things now.

Lorraine - posted on 03/28/2009

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hi im lorraine i have brought my little girl up from day 1 she is nearly 4 now

Katy - posted on 03/28/2009

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hiya my name is kate and i was the same dad deserted me whilst pregnant!! would love to chat sometime if you want? ps any tips would be great as im due 31st may 09

Amy - posted on 03/28/2009

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HI Emily my name is Amy I have been raising both my babies by myself since they were born, my son was a result of a one night stand or a casual relationship i had who decided my son was better off not knowing him because he was adopted and when he met his biological parents he was disappointed and didnt want to do that to my son which was a complete cop out and now i cant find him to push him for the test, but at the time my son was born at 28wks and fighting for his life and that was more important than getting a dna test. My daughter was born four and a half years later to a guy i dated for a very short time, who had no interest in being a dad again or having to pay for another daughter he was a nasty piece of work and has stayed away from us thank goodness so i dont know anyother way of raising my children but apart from on my own, but you can do it it is bloody hard work but so worth it seeing their smilie face in the morning. or the first day they start school and know its you who has got them to that  big milestone in their life and i feel like the bad guy most of the time making sure my boy learns right from wrong and it will probably feel that way too with my daughter but i love it it is hard not having some else to help make big decisions with (sometimes. sometimes its easier) or just to give you a 10 min break at the end of the day but having good friends and family helps heaps.

Kirsty - posted on 03/27/2009

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I have been single since i was 3months pregs.



we have ZERO to do with my sons "father" i hate that word.(i never put him on the birth certificate, as wen i told him i was pregs he told me to get an abortion then he told me if i keep that baby he will kick me in the stomach, and then hang me and my unborn child from our veranda, followed by i hope u hv a stillborn u fucking dirty slut u dont deserve to be a mum) NICE GUY HEY.... (we pretty much lived 2getha and i thought he was the man id marry oh how wrong i was)



My x has a drug  nd alco problem and spends  months at a time "clean nd sober" but lashes back to it all when everything seems to hard, or he is bored...when we got togetha he was on his "clean time" it didnt last...



My son is now 2, and he is the most amazing lil man i have ever met-he has brightened up my world and made the strong woman i am today.



 



My son has a half sister who lives 45mins north of us shes 5, i went to school with her mum but we were never friends,i just know who she is and who her child is,(he sees her every 3months and plays daddy to her)



he also has another half sibling from what i hv been told is around the same age as my son give or take a few months-the woman lived in qld but maybe went back to NZ to hv her baby bcoz my x didnt want her either-or the baby, he now has a brand new son with his current partner (they reside in QLD) and he appears to be playing "daddy" for now...



 



It breaks my heart that my son has to miss out on having a DECENT dad, bcoz his is such a weak pathetic excuse 4 one, but you just gotta get up and on with it.



 I had a relationship when my son was 14months old but after 5months of HARD HARD work i left it, because i wasnt happy and if im not happy neither is my son-i will do the right thing by him NO matter what, he comes FIRST everytime, he deserves everything and i work so bloody hard to give him that!



 



Being a single mum is so hard but so worth every minute, my son doesnt sleep all nite he doesnt sleep in his own bed, he has food allergies and one hell of a temper on him but would i walk away from it, even on a really really bad day? NO I WOULDNT NEVER bcoz he is what makes my life everything, he is what i wake up for each day and put on a brave face and battle my own emotions and just get on with it to be the good mum he so needs and so deserves.



 



I do not regret anything thats happened in the last 3yrs, bcoz i have the most adorable child to look at each day and love like i have never loved anything before.



i have an amazing family and good friends and every1 else that is so lucky to this as a single mum is so blessed.



Life was never meant to be easy-but for us mums we hv been given little angels to help us along the hard times :)



 





Nikki - posted on 03/12/2009

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Hi Emily! I'm Nikki. I, too, have been single from the start, but it was by choice. My daughter was conceived via IUI with donor sperm. I knew I wanted to be a mom and at the age of 36, knew my time was running out. (Early menopause runs in my family) I knew going into the pregnancy that it was going to be hard, but I have a wonderful family who has supported my decision from the very beginning. After reading all the posts on here, I am glad that I chose to get pregnant via donor sperm! One thing I didn't want to put my child through was always wondering whether or not her daddy loved her or if he was going to be in her life or not - been there, done that! I know that one day I will have to explain why she doesn't have a daddy, but she is only 8 months old now so I will worry about that another day :) I have not regretted my decision at all - I love being a mom! If all goes well, I plan on trying again in about 2.5 years for another baby!

I wish every one the best with your families! You are strong women!

Katie - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Emily:

Single from the Start...

Hi I'm Emily and I have gorgeous little almost 8 month old boy Tyler. I have been single since I found out I was pregnant and just want to meet other single mums who are trying to bring their little rugrats alone.



Hi im Katie, I have 2 boys I have brought each of them up on my own from the start, and like you with each of them its been since I discovered I was pregnant, Brandon is now 4 and Ruari was 1 yesterday!!!



    Hard work but so SO rewarding!!!



  xXx

Julie - posted on 03/11/2009

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I have a 6 year old daughter and have been a single mum since the blue line!! Its tough but the rewards are overwhelming. Did my nurse training through it all as well!! Women are amazing!! x

Keri - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi my name is Keri, I have a wonderful 8 month old names Mason. I have been on my own since I found out. My son's father ( around my house he is called sperm donor), he would call me once in a while during the pregnancy. And once Mason was born came around off and on for a month and now I haven't heard from him since August 08. But its for the better my son doesn't need him. And I'm so glad I found this site, cause now I'm not allow. Its nice to to meet other women that are going through the same situation.

Kirsty - posted on 03/11/2009

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hello im kirsty i am 31 i also was single  while having my son who is 11 this year its hard his dad knows about him but still wants nothing to do withhim as my son is comming up 11 he wants to know why he does not want him this i feel has been the hardest part for me you just have to be there for them and it helps when you got people around you who you out when you need time out you know so keep with it and every day will be a new experirence they bring you so much joy they make you laugh and make you cry you just roll with the punches and enjoy every single moment as they grow up so fast we do things that no man can do thats why half of em f*** off when they find out as long as your little fella got you he will grow up to be like you responsible so all good xxx

Lucy - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi im Lucy and ave 3 beautifu; children my youngest bein just 3 wks old, i ave done my whole pregnancy alone since his dad walked out, father is a diffferent person 2 my elder children. but i left him due 2 circumstances beyond my control. i agree wiv wat u all r sayin us women r made ov tough stuff 2 b able 2 do dis alone, when men can just walk away. xxx

Natalie - posted on 03/11/2009

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hi im Natalie i am a single mum of three beautiful girls. i have been single on an off really but actually single since my 20 month old was 4 weeks its very hard but i love being a mum an my kids are well looked after great times an fun,,,

Kari - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi, I have a 6yr old beautiful girl Maria, and i have been single from the time I hit 7 months pregnant. I decided to be on my own and not go through with the marriage (good reasons). With the help of my family & friends and support from my surroundings i love it.

Jacqueline - posted on 03/10/2009

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Hi, i;m Jacqui and i too have been single from the start! My boy is now 2 and 4 months and it is not easy but guess i don't know it any different! I work 4 days a week but he enjoys creche and has done since he was 7 weeks. He sees his dad and loves him which is great.

[deleted account]

Hi Emilly, My name is Karly I have a 20month old boy Logan and have been single since I found out I was pregnent. I love being a mum but it hasnt been easy but I have alot of support from my family.

Denise - posted on 03/10/2009

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of course children are never mistakes....and my son was a surprise to everyone. i was really sick with chronic ebv. its the virus found in mono but i never got mono just the virus. after a yr and a half the doctors told my mom around christmas that there was nothing more they could do but wait for it to turn into one of the 4 kinds of cancer it could be. and they didnt think that my body could handle it. during my last ct scan out of five and a yr and half of bloodwork every week they told me that the cancer had finally spread and that my ovaries need to be removed and i couldnt have kids. i was 17. but a month later, i got pregnant by force but my son made my ebv go dormit and saved my life. so now i have to save ours and work hard and finish college. but never a mistake. he is my angel he saved me.

Claire - posted on 03/10/2009

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my eldests father left when i told him i was preg after 7 yrs together, it was him or the baby, and my youngests father was never really there from the start. never look at them as mistakes, they were surprises

Claire - posted on 03/10/2009

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hiya, i have a 5 yr old and a 7 mth old have done it all on my own!! both r boys and both are great. life is hard at times, but when it is hard i just watch my 2 sleeping or playing together and no that all the hard times are worth it.

Emily - posted on 03/09/2009

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Hi all,



 



I just want to thank everyone for their wonderful posts it makes me realise that I am not the only one out there that is doing their best for their kids. I think everyone that has written here is absolutely amazing and should be proud of how they are raising their children. Everyone is doing everything they can for their kids and really that is the most important thing. Thanks to all of you again and would love to keep in contact with as many of you as possible. Feel free to drop me a msg at any time.



 



Thanks again!!!

Denise - posted on 03/09/2009

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well i would say that at least he didnt leave on his own terms and miss out "just cause". its harder to know that the father is there for his other son's firsts and not this one's especially when its ur sister.he was there for her and that baby the whole time while they sent me horrible emails calling me a liar. she was the one sleeping with married men and i was with the guy for 2 1/2 yrs and all she was was a booty call. but aftter he left i met this wonderful guy. then he got arrested the same day i found out that i was pregnant. he wanted to be there for my son but he was supposed to facing 7 yrs of inprisonment. his letters and visits helped and when he got out i found it really easing to share my son. he loved him but forgot how to love me. im sure that the dad would be there if he could so if he gets out then give him that chance he never had. i understand about the anger but im letting my son see his father and he didnt come around till my son was 14 months old and now its just the title that he wants but i gave him the chance and one day my son will thank me for it. so just do it for ur daughter. one day she will thank u for it.

Annette - posted on 03/09/2009

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My daughter just turned 1 last week and I have been doing it on my own since I was 7 months pregnant. The only support I really have is from my side of the family. The dad got arrested when I was 7 months pregnant and is still in jail awaiting trial next week. He could be getting out next week or he could be doing 6 to 30 years. I have to much anger and resentment towards him for not being there for any of our daughters firsts. We were blessed with a beautiful daughter and he hasn't been there for her at all except through a glass window. Does anybody have advice on how I can move on even if he gets out next week?

Bethyny - posted on 03/09/2009

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It's the best thing you can do!!! You would be amazed at the strange places you get the best advice, help and support from!

Nancy - posted on 03/09/2009

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Me too. My name is Nancy, and I was left when I found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to have an abortion and would not so he actually said "I gotta go" and did. My little girl just turned a year and I am finally starting to try to network with other single moms:)

Denise - posted on 03/09/2009

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i have a 16 month old and i have been single since i was 3 months pregnant. the father is with his other family....my sister and her son

Jennie - posted on 03/09/2009

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Hi Emily,



Like you I have also been single since I found out I was pregant, Oliver my son is now 2yrs old and does see his dad who lives 2 mins away but we don't have anything to do with each other. I do find it very tricky juggling Oliver and work but I manage. You wait until Tyler is two god it's a mad time especially like you having to do everything but it is all worth it.



 



 



 

Colleen - posted on 03/08/2009

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hi, i am colleen a mother of an 8 year old boy. i too have been on my own from day one. when i told the father you would have thought his world was ending. his reaction really surprised me. since my son was five he started asking questions, i never lied about his dad, just said he was dealing with his own problems right now. my son makes up excuses for why his dad doesn't come around. it breaks my heart. i have called him, wrote letters, sent pictures. he called once and said he was ready to meet his son, i didn't say anything and thank god i didn't because he did not show up. i know where he lives, right here in the same town. just across the river. i have thought about just showing up but afraid of his reaction and i do not want to risk my son getting hurt anymore than he already is. i tell him when he gets older he can find him and make his own judgement. i have never said anything negative about him except he is an idiot for missing out on such a wonderful child. i am thankful that he does pay his child support through the system without a fight.



these last 8 years have been the best for me but also the hardest. but i wouldn't change them for the world. i do not have alot of support, i lost my mom 4 years ago and that has been real hard for my son. we still have our sad moments together. i have many friends but only a handful that have been there faithfully. i just keep telling myself it will get better.

Ann - posted on 03/08/2009

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Hi Emily and Welcome!  I have a 7 y/o girl and have been single since I found out I was pregnant.  I am very fortunate to have a great family and friends who have been around to support me.  It can be a challenge, but one well worth taking on.  Good for you to reach out and find other moms to connect with!  Feel free to keep in contact and I wish you and your son all the best.



Ann

Kelli - posted on 03/07/2009

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Hi Stephanie--your post caught my attention. I raised 4 children on my own for 18 years. My eldest is now 26 and youngest 18--a senior in high school. Yes, raising children alone can be very exhausting and stressful. God never intended it to be that way. What got me through it was the support of my church, healthy married parents who I could seek advice and wisdom from, and being willing to allow good mentors in my children's lives. It takes a community to raise a child. It is sometimes hard to except help, but be willing to allow good people to help you--even if it is just to give you a break and time for yourself sometimes. I had a very good friend who I could call anytime to vent frustrations, ask for advice, or anything else I needed and she and her husband were always there for my kids and I. Just be very careful to only pick people you know well and can trust with your children. My point is...you are not the only one who can bring the best to your child. Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself. The more good people she has in her life to help you raise her, the better off she...and you...will be. God bless.

Coleen - posted on 03/07/2009

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i have two children, and i have basically been on my own from the start with both of them. my oldest is five now, and was a result of a one night stand when i was sixteen. 4 years later, i was in a relationship for nine months, and he walked out when i was 3 months pregnant, so i worked, raised my 4 year old, and went through another pregnancy alone. my youngest is now 8 months, and i think in a lot of ways it's easier by yourself, there is noone to argue with about any decisions you want to make. it would be nice to have some help around the house though.

Heather - posted on 03/06/2009

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I have 2 boys one will be 10 this month and the other is 7. I have been divorced for over 5 years. Although there has been some good times and bad times it really has not been that bad. Plenty of love and attention is my suggestion times might be rough with jobs or money ect... but your children can always bring a smile to your face and make everyday and every up and down worth it!!!

Bethyny - posted on 03/06/2009

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Get a consult with a lawyer! The state I live in would allow me, in those circumstances, deny him anything but supervised visitation due to the questionable surrounding and possible threat to his health and/or welfare. It sounds like you've got a perfect case for such a thing. I can not stress this enough!!! Find the money for it!!! Knowing the law is the only real protection your child has.

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2009

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My Hunter is almost 6 months old and I too have been single from the start.. I've had a lot of help and support from family members but now it's time to make it on my own. I'm going to class for my CNA and Med aid. I'm moving out with my boyfriend. He's great with Hunter. The main thing to remember is that my son is my top priority and if a guy can't accept it then he can get lost.

Jacqulynn - posted on 03/06/2009

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Hey I am Jacqulynn or Jackie is what people prefer to call me. I have a 14 month old son who's father claims he's been involved in his life. At first it was a battle because my son was in NNICU for the first 17 days. Me right there with him at the hospital. Minus short trips to the drug store for necessities. His father claims he's been there for my son since the beginning. He left me between 6 and 7 months pregnant to do everything by myself. His father played head games about "us" up until I wouldn't do it anymore. That being the day that he brought his girlfriend to see my son in the hospital the weekend after I had him. GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR..... Now after that he's gone to ONE appointment. Met with one doctor. Who is my familly doc and he was at the hospital when the baby was born. my son has been monitored for the last 14 months by totaling 6 doctors and 5 physio/ occupational therapist. Had surgery at 3 1/2 months and his father wasn't at the hospital for that....but texted me on the phone all day... Now after being in and out of this boys life for 14 months he wants to split custody 50/50. with what he claims no job and loads of bills that take up three or 4 times the household income!! hmmmmm Drama Much??

Karyn - posted on 03/06/2009

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Hi everyone. I just had my daughter last week and her father doesnt even know that she was born. When I told him I was pregnant he told me I shouldnt have even told him and it would be a good idea to give her up. I told him he was crazy and that all I wanted from him was to know if there was any medical issues in his family that I needed to worry about. I cant understand anyone not wanting their own child. My way of thinking is I got the best of him and its his loss that he will never know what a wonderful person she is going to be

Vanessa - posted on 03/06/2009

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There's lots of amazing stories here, so many strong women with such blessed children, it really gives me hope and I hope it's helping you, Emily. I got pregnant after sleeping with a friend. I've always known he never wants children so I've never expected him to be involved, and the only stress I have is from one or two friends who are angry at him for not 'doing the right thing', but I don't think him trying to be a daddy is the right thing for any of us. It just isn't in him and nothing will change that, not even having a child. I have no anger at him at all, just feel kind of sad for him in a way coz I know he'll feel guilty that there's a child who won't know his or her father because of him. He's a great guy though, and I guess my other stress is that our friendship will end pretty soon (I'm due in 7 weeks, but moving in tomorrow with an aunt for a month before moving home with my parents during maternity leave. So don't know when or if we'll catch up again).



But I'm ok. I've always wanted to be a mum, and this really isn't the way I would have it all happen but it's the way it is, so that's fine. I do worry about what to say when my child asks about her father (and how to teach him or her my values when I obviously didn't always stick to them myself!!!). I have some possible scenarioes or speeches in my head, but it'll depend on his/her age I guess. No matter how I phrase it all, I know there'll be a period of pain or rejection for my child coming to terms that his/her father didn't want 'her'. I don't think there's much I can do to stop that and it's a natural part of figuring it all out, but the fact that he never wanted children, even before I got pregnant, and the fact that he possibly never will see my child (so therefore is 'rejecting' and abstract not seeing the child then still deciding not to be involved which seems more personal and rejecting to me) may help my child come to realise it's nothing personal. I just have to surround my child with enough love that he or she will come through it feeling whole and precious and worthy.



And within all that I'll definitely be making some time for me, so I don't lose who I am and just become 'mummy'. My friends are supportive, but childless so I don't imagine they'll be real help unless I get blunt. And my best friend is moving overseas in three weeks and my other best friend, who was meant to be moving back from overseas this month just told me she'll stay away longer and maybe come back to another town. They have their lives to live and I understand totally. But it's kinda hard that the two friends I could call up at any time for anything and know they'll be there won't be able to physically be there. Bad timing since I know those times of need will come even more once I've had my baby!  But I have lots of cousins, one who already said she'd babysit whenever I need. Once bubs is a bit bigger (and I'm braver) I think I'll take her up on that, even if it's just for a few hours every second week so I can go shopping, or out for coffee or a movie with friends.



I don't know your situation with your baby's father, Emily, but don't let anger or resentment or even fear bring you down. I firmly believe we are all capable of more than we thought we could do, and that we're never given a cross to heavy to carry. I'm reminding myself that even happily married couples who deliberately got pregnant have fears and doubts too, so we're not that unique in that respect! Our struggles will be different to their struggles, but it won't be happy all the time for them either. And the biggest fears are fears of the unknown - and once that 'first' (first fever, first week with no sleep!!, first question about 'daddy'...) occurs it won't be unknown territory any longer. And we'll find that we've coped with it ok.



I'm thinking of you and wishing you luck and strength and peace. xxx x

Bethyny - posted on 03/05/2009

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Good for you Nicole! A piece of advice from someone who made the mistake, don't forget about you. I lived for my son and drove myself into the ground. It's great that you're providing everything for him (it's an amazing feeling of strength and accomplishment isn't it! =oD), but make sure you are providing for you too. I loathe being away from my son and freak out when he's not here, but had to accept that I need that little bit of time to recharge. There's also no substitute for the power of a new pair of shoes just because or something girly you don't necessarily need...but most certainly want.
My boy is three in a couple of months and I have never taken anything from his father, nor have I really been offered anything. He was basically nonexistent until the boy was about a year and a half and now takes him, I'm convinced, only to save face within the Tribe. You can do it and learn what an amazing woman you are in the process, but be careful not to lose yourself in being an uber mom...Michael won't be thankful for a mom who's burned out or depressed and it's VERY easy to find yourself in that position.

Nicole - posted on 03/05/2009

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My names Nicole and I have a six month old Michael.  His dads hasn't seen him in 5 months and has currently decided he was proof he's the dad.  Anyways.  I love being a mom.  I have someone who depends on me and I work my butt off to make sure he has everything he needs. 

Emily - posted on 03/05/2009

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Hi Kerry,



I love Tyler with all my heart but it's hard. I have my dad that livves nearby but he really isnt a baby person so he only looks after him for an hour or so. My exs family helps out by taking him occasionally. My ex has just moved back to see him more but he has moved back with his new girlfriend who had twins on tues so i relly dont see him helping out that much and because of the twins suddenly he says he doesnt have enough money to pay me child support yet he constantly tells me about all the new things that he buys.



I have heaps of friends that have offered to  help out but none of them actually have. None of my friends have kids so they don't get how much I have to do. But we are getting by I guess.



How you finding it??

Kerry - posted on 03/05/2009

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Hey Emily, my name's Kerry and i'm raising almost 2 month old Max alone. How are you finding it, do you have any help/support from friends or family??

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