Sons father is making passes at me

April - posted on 02/05/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son's father and I split up when my son was 6 months old ( he is now 6). He is the one person I can say I truly hate and not feel bad about it. I left cause it was a very toxic relationship. We both played a part in that. The last straw was when it got physical. He was married and shipped off to Iraq 6 months after we split up. He was out of my sons life for the first 3 almost 4 years of his life 18 months of that he was in Iraq. He now has a 2 year old son with his wife. He gets Avery when he wants too basically his normal visitation schedule. His wife is wonderful she is good with my son. I deal with her before I deal with my ex. The only reason my son goes over there is cause he wants to spend time with her and his brother. Here recently the ex has started making comments about my chest, my lips. Making it a point to get as close to me as he can when talking to me. Staring at me during my sons basketballs games, trying to touch my arm or leg sending me emails. It is very strange I am already very uncomfortable around him and this just adds to it. I have told him to stop, told him that I don't think his wife would appeciate him acting the way he is and that she was too good of a person for him to be treating her like that. Well that worked for awhile now he is starting with it again.. I told my boyfriend about it and he is very upset, he wants me to make sure we meet in a public place or that someone is with me during the drop off/ pickup. He said to record the conversations and save all the emails. I want to tell his wife but at the same time i don't think that it is my place to say anything. I am also afraid of all the problems it could cause not just between him and her but between me and her. I have also thought of telling my lawyer but I am not sure what she will do with the information. I feel like I am in a lose lose situations but I can't let him continue to make me feel more uncomfortable than I already do

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if you have made it clear you are not intersted and he keeps it up then it has crossed a line and its harrassment, no one has a right to make you feel uncomfortable so as for the lawyer im pretty sure she would look at it that way. As for his wife if you dont say anything and let him pull bs then she is going to look at u as dishonest and being the bad guy, if u do im pretty sure she is going to be able to see the situation clearly it isnt your fault its his innappropriate behaviour and obviously you are not tolerating if you are making it known its unwanted. be prepared she may not think of it that way at first, if at all but u need to nip this situation in the bud wether its through your lawyer his wife, or better yet both. If he isnt listening to u then someone else needs to be involved definately. It may cause a few glitches but being harrassed is going to put stress on you, your boyfriend, bottom line you do not need to put up with that, and from the sounds of it this is harrassment. best of luck and i hope everything works out

Natalie - posted on 02/06/2009

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Tell your lawyer. She has to keep confidentiallity, unless it's like physically/sexual abuse. She can tell you what you can and can't do legally. Good that you've save all the emails. Also It's a good idea to keep a list of dates and what was done or said. I wouldn't say anything to the wife because you don't want to make a bad situation for your son. I would at least wait and see what your lawyer has to say.

Kristina - posted on 02/05/2009

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think of it htis way.....if he was merried to you and she was his ex and he was making passes at her would you want her to tell you?and if so would you blame her for what he's doing?...my guess is that she feels the same way....

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