torn inside

Nathalie - posted on 08/24/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Im a single mother of a 3 year old. The dad and I seperated shortly after her birth. we never got along to well even before i was pregant. He would always just bring up stuff from my past and accuse me of things and just emotionally abuse me everyday. At the time i was so blind to see and was crazy in love with him. Then when the baby came it opened me eyes and he was still doing the same thing so i left him. About a year after that i started dating. Evevrything was great and i realized there a guys out there that will treat a whole lot better and thats what i deserve. I dated this guy for about 9 months then i started getting mixed feeling like am i doing the right thing. I never pictured myself having a life like this. I always wanted that one happy family and not kids from different dads so i started losing feelings for the guy i was with and i broke it off and then i started to communicate with my childs dad and saying we have never done anyting together as a family. he has also told me numerous times how he is sorry and has realized what a good girl he had and he wants his family but i was still mad and scared and just resented that. But when i was single again from that other guy those feelings of one happy family went away and one day when her dad kissed me it felt so cold and there was no feeling so i just left it alone and moved on once again. and now im in this realtionship with an amzing guy. He is very supportive and caring and doesnt give me any stress. have been with him for almost a year. already took a trip to the domincan republic and he just gave me a diamond necklace so it getting serious and it seem like the more it is im getting those feeling again about my childs dad and deciding if im doing the right thing or not. and he is now in the army and a changed person but im still hurt by what he did and scared if i did get back with him the changes would be a lie and i would make the mistake of leaving a good guy to go back with the father of my child. I guess im just scared im not doing the right thing by not being with him because we have a child together and he does want his family back and i want one too, or is it ok to be happy with another guy that gives u whatever u want and never makes you cry but he is not your daughters father.Also another thing my boyfriend is 34 and im 20 and at first it really didnt bother me surprisingly and he doesnt look his a lot younger but with all these mixed emotions i think the age is starting to bother me because i think about the future and how he will get older a lot faster than me. I just dont know what to do. It like i cant be happy with anybody. Im just trapped.

2 Comments

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Vanessa - posted on 08/24/2010

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Just remember genetics only plays one small part in what makes a child who they are. Any guy can be a sperm donor, but it takes someone special to be a father. Leave the ex and any unresolved feelings out of it. Your daughter needs to have a male role model that hasn't got all the baggage and shit that your ex obviously has. You don't want her falling for a man like her father do you??
A leopard never changes his spots.
That being said, I would have taken my ex back right up until the day I met my partner Brad. When I kissed Brad for the first time, I realised what love was meant to feel like - not this shallow impersonation that I had been holding on to - and also the guilt of my son losing his dad. Brad showed me what a real male role model should be and should definately not be! The right man for you will never make you cry - I didn't realize that until that moment.
You are only 20 --- you have your whole life ahead of you to find your life partner - if this man is amazing, then keep him for a while (you don't have to marry him!) but if you have doubts, then move on - forwards and not backwards. When the right man comes along - you will simply KNOW.

Kimberly - posted on 08/24/2010

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I think you've done the right thing by moving on. Your ex, if he has changed, he can prove it by still being there for your baby, and being civil with you. If he's changed, he will understand that you've moved on with your life, and be happy for you. His priority should be the child you two share. As for your new relationship, you deserve to be treated like a queen, but remember, your child does as well. Considering that he's an older man (in comparison to you) I believe he's more than likely grown up, and already learned that family and love are what's important. Try not to worry about biology, and simply remember that your child can never be too loved.

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