Visitation Schedule

Molly - posted on 01/26/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My ex and I are going to court shortly and we have to come up with a visitation schedule before we go or we need to get lawyers, what are your visitation schedules like and what is a good visitation schedule, and do you allow your ex's new girlfriend around your kids because my ex's new girl said and i quote "she's going to love being here so much she's never going to wanna be with her mom" I already told him i don't want her around her and i feel thats my choice but I'm not sure. But I do need a good visitation schedule and i don't even know where to start.

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Isabel - posted on 02/03/2010

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Okay girls, I need help with a schedule too. The father is from another country and threatened to take our daughter way. I went to court Dec. 2008 and got sole and physical custody of our daughter. The father was allowed 2 days of vistitaion every week on his days off. Our divorce was finalized Jan 2009 and since then he has remarried and had another child with a girl from him own country. How she got here I don;t know. So I don't know the status of both of them. During the whole year of 2009 he has only come to see her maybe 30 times and is saying it was because he doesn't have a car to come. Now he is taking me back to court in 2 weeks and wants more visitation and overnights with her. I don't want any of it because he hasn't been consistent with her at all this whole year. What visitation schedule would you guys recommend? The last time he's seen her this year was Jan 17th and then he is not coming until Feb 7th. Any suggestions

Shannon - posted on 01/31/2010

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Hi Molly. I'm a single mom of a 13-year old boy. I've been divorced for 10 years, but have been back and forth to court the entire time and it's hell! The best advice I can give you is to always try to be fair, unless you think your child is in an unsafe and/or unhealthy situation with your ex (the courts will take you more seriously if you seem cooperative). Always make sure you keep your personal feelings toward your ex to yourself and out of your decision-making process. You can't control what your ex does, in his personal life or as a father, and trying to will only make you crazy so try to detach yourself as much as possible.

If the worse threat the new girlfriend has made is that your daughter is going to love being with them, I would be happy with that. Just remember, she can never replace you in your daughter's heart, you will always be her mother, and nobody can break that bond but you. So if you know you're doing your best and being a good mom, than no worries. Regarding schedule, my ex gets our son every other weekend and one night a week, which works out well for me. It's nice to have a night to myself every week. When we first separated, my ex tried to make the schedule be one week on, one week off. That lasted about 2 weeks and it was awful. It isn't good for a young child to be away from their main nurturer for more than 4 days in a row. They're too young to understand that you'll be back, so it can cause issues of abandonment, etc. At least that's what I read, and during that brief period I did feel like it was very traumatic for my son!

Anyway, best of luck to you! And hang in there!

Carol - posted on 01/30/2010

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think wisely & about the future when setting the visitation schedule with the father of your baby. my daughter's schedule is every wed from 4 to 730 and everyother weekend from fri 4 to sun 7 she is with her dad! the sad part is that when she actually is over there, he leaves her with his mom and leaves wit his friends or new gf. i wish that was a lie but it was a reality check for me! i want to go back to court to change her schedule. i hate her leaving every wed, would want to change it to every other wed!
& as far as the new gf situation. Its true that you cant control whos he with when your child is there but he should have enough respect for you to not allow this new gf to ever say that! no other girl is goin to replace you in your childs life, you are the only woman and mother in your childs eyes!
hang in there wish you the best and remember to think about what you want before you go to court. if you cant agree with your ex wit the schedule then thats wat is taken to the judge and he decides. figure out the holidays as well!! it was so hard for me to not be with my daughter for xmas!

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Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Jhahn Meagan - posted on 04/02/2013

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Hi there, I am hoping you can help me. I'm from South Africa and am feeling like the father of my child has more rights than I do at the moment. I have done my best to be fair, but he is out for one thing, and one thing only.. to hurt me in any and every way possible. My daughter is my life, and we have a very special bond, as he does with her dad. He is doing everything to undermine me. He manipulates her and has no concept of equality in terms of quality time with my daughter. I work from 7am until 6pm most nights and then as from 10am to 2pm every Saturday. He is staying in my house rent free, and has only recently started to pay his own cell phone account and internet. In the beginning we did 3 days with him and 3 days with me. This proved to be very confusing for a little two year old and it got to such a point that I took her for child Play Therapy and the lady said that the 3 days here and there was disrupting her routine, and that she needed time to process that her parents were not living together anymore. I took her advice and kept my daughter with me from Mid October 2012. I did always allow the father to visit whenever he wished, I even bought him food every now and then. I went to see a lawyer earlier this year and we drew up a proposed visitation schedule, that allowed him to have her sleep over for two nights every second weekend and he would be able to see her one day during the week every other weekend, and alternate holidays etc. As per the standard visitation schedule that you all mention above. However, he has never taken this schedule up, and accepted it and remained to still come and visit her every evening and every Saturday. Then out of the blue he insisted on taking her to spend 2 nights this past Easter weekend. My little one did like it, but as a result of this "out of the blue" sleep over, she has become clingy and wants to know where I am every second. Doesn't want me out of her site. Now we have a mediation next week, that was arranged by him to discuss the schedule and hopefully agree on something. i am feeling like no matter what I go forward into the mediation with, will not be enough for him until he has full custody of my child. He is a manipulative narcissist, and is even trying to take my house away from me as he feels that because it was purchased from him while we were in a relationship that he is entitled to it. Sometimes it feels like as a mother I have no rights at all.

Coty - posted on 02/18/2010

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When you go to court have some ideas written down as to what you want but let me tell ya the part about who you want your child/children around won't matter to the judge unless there is a restraining order in affect or other such thing. If the person is in anyway causing harm to the child than that should be mentioned. Otherwise its pretty standard here where i'm from to alternate every other weekend, holidays and such. Its better if you and the other parent can come to an agreement before going to court. I have been through this and it wasn't fun. Once its on paper though it gets easier. And further on down the road if ya'll agree to something different than thats ok too. Good luck!

Nichole - posted on 02/17/2010

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My kids go with their dad every other weekend and if he has a day off from school. they are also set to go half of each school break if their dad wants them. He gets them for fathers day and Christmas eve, I get them mothers day, and Christmas day, all other holidays are discussed between the two of us and split as fair as possible. However their dad and I get along pretty well. you can probably look up the basic visitation laws in the state you live in and us that but if he don't agree with you on the visitation when you go to court you may still have to get a lawyer have you tried legal aid in your area they can help and it's based on your income but you have to get there before he does or they can't help you. GOOD LUCK sorry I couldn't be more help.

Jennifer - posted on 02/02/2010

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I do let my ex husbands girlfriend around her because the more you try to stop it the more your child will resent you for it trust me. Be the bigger person , and dont let her get to you. Have visitation in writing . Time for pick up , and drop off. My daughter goes Fri , and Sat night , and comes home Sun afternoon, and it works out ok, but since he has a girlfriend he hardly bothers now, so have it in writing. I didnt because before we went to court everything was ok , but now he is being a jerk , so have it all in writing. Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2010

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I too just finished my divorce although it was a bit different because my ex was ordered supervised visitation. We couldn't agree on visitation and I ended up spending more than my car is worth on lawyer fees. So I suggest you try super hard to figure something out! Don't give up what's best for your baby though.
The typical visitation schedule is every other weekend Fri evening thru Sun evening and one week night for a few hours. Holidays rotate every yr. Mother's Day and your birthday are yours every yr, Father's Day and his bday are his every yr. Your kiddo's bday alternates every yr.
It would be awesome if you could choose who your child is around when with the dad but you can't. The court assumes that if he is fit enough to watch his child then he is able to make good choices about who comes around. Sucks but that's the way it goes.
Good luck!

Tina - posted on 01/28/2010

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I dont know when women became so against other women, but you sound like you are a smart loving caring woman and you cant forget that, no matter how people try to hurt you the best thing you can do is handle yourself with grace do not change who you are, as hard as it may be you can not control who your ex is with or allows in your childs company, but when someone behaves badly it always shows, I know how hard it is definately have a schedule it creates routine, and as hard as it is try and make time for your self when you dont have your child so you can recharge and focus on your self.
Peace love & LIght xxxx

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2010

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Hang in there!! I just finished my nasty divorce in September. If you guys can agree the better. My son's schedule is Tues at 6pm to Thurs at 6pm an every 3rd Sat at 9am to Sun at 6pm he is with his father, the rest of the time he is home with me. As for the girlfriend, I have been there too. Unfortunatly you have no say when you child is at their Father's house who the hang out with. Don't let her words get to you, my ex's once told me that she was a better mother to my son then I was....guess what my son hates the lady. The only was you will be able to keep her from you child is if you can prove her unfit. Good Luck!

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