Who else has had to live in a shelter with their child for awhile?

Angel - posted on 08/29/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm a single mom,
my son is 4 months old...just the other day we have been placed in a shelter due to the conflicts that were going on while residing with family members... im taking it day by day but its very hard to cope with, wondering who else has been in a similar situation to me...Just be nice to have some advice or some sort of support... Thanks.

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Tia - posted on 08/30/2010

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I have been in shelter with my 2 children...for 3 months...during Christmas. It was so incredibly hard. I felt like a failure at the time . I didn't expect to ever be living in a shelter. It was almost unbelievable to me. But I had made some bad decisions and tried to reunite with my children's father...who had a long history of drinking and not paying the bills on time. One thing led to another and after him going into a drunken rage one night, I found myself calling local women's shelters out of intense fear. I just knew that if I didn't get out of there, things would only get much worse. Living in the shelter was hard because of all the rules. Children with you at all times, curfews, chores, group meetings. The lack of privacy was overwhelming at times. Some of the other shelter residents were none too friendly. Plus, the feelings of depression and loneliness were difficult to deal with. But I made it through and you will, too. Things may seem bad right now, but at least you're safe, have a roof over your child's and your own head, have food, electricity, water, a bed. The advocates at the shelter have been trained to help you get back on your feet. Most shelters get government grants that allow them to give each shelter resident a certain amount of financial support once she leaves..to help with housing costs and deposits. Plus, there are other means of financial help out there for women in shelters. I actually received help from Catholic Charities (though I'm not sure if that program is available in your area). They paid all my deposits and my 1st years rent and even gave me furniture/household supplies. Just ask the shelter workers where you are. I want to encourage you to do everything that the shelter requires you to do. I know it can feel like a prison, but if you follow the program then they will seriously be able to help you get on your own two feet. Just stick it out and you'll make it. I saw too many girls go back to abusive husbands, bad situations, doing drugs. It was tragic. I wish you the very best and I will be praying for you.

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Lidia - posted on 08/30/2010

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I have. But I wasn't the mom of the situation, I was the child. I don't remember much from the few days mom and I spent in that battered women's shelter, besides being scared, getting my doll stolen and contracting lice. But I have been there for friends who have been in your shoes. Plus I was almost in the same boat as you at a certain point in time. I've been to youth shelters on my own, in the past. If you need someone to listen, or if I can help, just let me know.

SARAH - posted on 08/30/2010

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Me and my daughter did. I was in a bad marriage in nashville and had to move quickly. I moved to chattanooga with nothing but my daughter in my belly. It was hard and very depressing almost to the point of giving up but i have a beautiful six mont old daughter and now we live in a house and i have a a car and i have alot of faith.. Everything is a process ya know..and the things we go through teach us and builds us up from being so broke down. Just don't give up..success is right around the corner..

[deleted account]

When I was pregnant I was facing an abusive situation with my childs father, and the turmoil of living with my parents, whose crazy mentality verged on abuse as well. I spent one night in a shelter, crying and scared. I decided the next morning to find the strength to hang out with my parents until something better manifested. It was a long 2 months with them. I got up and meditated, did my yoga, and sang my heart out to karaoke tracks (in spite of some very hostile feelings being thrown around). Unfortunately, the next place I ended up was in an apartment with the childs father. The mental, verbal and emotional abuse was difficult, and 3 months after our son was born I demanded that he leave. Well, we almost ended up homeless again, because he threw a big tantrum and didn't want to pay the rent. Our son was young and I was sick with another illness and unable to support us. My family sat back and gave me the "I told you so" kind of attitude and then my courage kicked in and I demanded they assist me in keeping the place for another month until I could get subsidy. Well, I did get the subsidy and we do have a home. We still got issues pending, but my point to this long ass story was that in the end we're making it, day by day we're getting through it and I want you to know, YOU WILL TO! I'm sending you light and love because someone out here cares about you and your little one. I know it's hard right now, and you may feel like breaking down mentally. Find the strength, use the rage, or the fear, or whatever negative energy you're feeling and channel it directly at what you want. Don't take no for an answer. We all have families, or friends, or baby fathers that damn well need to take responsibility in some shape of fashion. Press anyone you can to help lift you up and out. Make sure you apply for housing, I don't know about the system where you live but get whatever you can together for a damage deposit, even if it's in a small place and move! Keep strong and know this - you are loved, your baby is loved and I want to see you make it. Sincerely.

Kimberly - posted on 08/29/2010

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I haven't had to live in a shelter, but I do know what it's like to be evicted and have to crawl back to my parents house. It was hard and depressing to think that I couldn't make it on my own. But you just have to remember that we all need help sometimes, and this too shall pass. Just keep an open mind. You also have your son to focus on, and that's all you need for motivation and inspiration. Good luck!

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