why cant men face up to thier responsabilites

Emma - posted on 05/18/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

5

22

0

my son is nearly 1 andhis dad has made no contact since he was 3 weeks old i am always trying to ring him and he never answers i just want my son to have a dad to look up to his dad was happy to make my son with me but now hes he he doesn want to know its so had i dont know what to do for he best o i gve up callin g him or keep trying for my sons sake

17 Comments

View replies by

Pamela - posted on 05/26/2009

3

0

0

don't worry with him. give your son all the love and suppport you can . if he doesn't want to be a dad, better for your son he's not around. think of him being force to be into a relationship he doesn't want. it might only confuse your son as he might become the ''disappearing dad"good luck .

Sebreen - posted on 05/26/2009

5

1

0

That's exactly what I say. They are either made to be dad's or there not. There's no changing. I figure one day I'll meet someone that treats my son and myself as we deserve to be treated. But there is no hurry

Jessica - posted on 05/26/2009

21

10

4

Your not going to be able to make him do anything, so I say, don't waist your time or energy.

Sebreen - posted on 05/26/2009

5

1

0

Yes, My son's father has been in and out of his life since he was born. More out than in. He will get mad about nothing and decide he needs to take a week break. I've come to realize that I'm better off without him in our lives. I don't want my son to get attatched and then alll he gets in return is a dad that comes and gos and a butt load of empty promises. I think in the long run that will hurt him more. I tried to push the subject on him and he says he wants me and him one day and the next he's out of our lives. I've come to realize that we are both better off without him! Yes, It hurts since I can honestly say I love him. But the topper was when we went to court for child support and they dropped his payments to $50 a month and he complained about that! How pathetic is that? It all works out in the end.

Emily - posted on 05/25/2009

4

19

0

My sons' father hasn't done anything for him. I don't call him either. He only calls me when he wants to agnolage my son as his. I am done with my sons' dad also fro my sons' sake.

Pat - posted on 05/24/2009

151

10

30

hi emma,I know you just want te best for your son,I would just give up,he may just call you one day,if you want to talk either here or on facebook,good luck pat x

Emily - posted on 05/22/2009

6

9

0

Because they men! i will never understand them! I am hoping my ex will be a good day to my unborn child!

Bonita - posted on 05/22/2009

5

24

0

I believe that you should not force the father into your son's life. The main reason that I think this is, if you do he will not be there for his son, he will only be there to shut you up. This will create a poison environment, which is the last thing that you want to do. Your son does not need a guy that doesn't want to be in your son's life. Do you really want your son to look up to a guy that can't handle his share of the responsibilities that he has, because if you do than you show your son that it is okay for guys to do this to us women, which it is not. There are other men out there that will be a positive role model to your son.

Kirsty - posted on 05/22/2009

43

46

4

ur son doesnt no wat a dad is there 4 he isnt missing out.
if u dont no wat its like to have that in your life then how can u feel like uve been hard done by??
my son is a lil over 2, his dad left wen i told him i was pregs.he has other kids who he sees and plays daddy too-including a 10wk old boy but my son doesnt exist.
at the end of the day it his loss coz i have this amazing lil man who has the most gorgeous personality and kind heart, he is magic absolute magic and i am getting 2 experience this all on my own nd ya no wat so i bloody should!!
wen u r a mum u do the hard yards nd u deserve all the rewards if a useless man who cant step up 2 the fact he had sex nd made a child doesnt wna no then leave it this way, ur son deserves more and he wont hold it against u wen he grows up, as long as u bring him up with all the love respect and care in the world and he nos that this other person who helped to fertilize him wont even matter.

Karen - posted on 05/21/2009

5

0

0

Hi Emma, my sons father did the exact same thing he walked out on us when bub was 3 weeks old i haven't seen or heard from him since my son will soon be three. He had three daughters that lived with him i couldn't undersatnd why he didn't want any thing to do with his son. I later found out that three weeks after we moved out his partner that he had been seeing while i was pregnant moved in. You can't make his dad be part of his life, it is very hard to know what to do in this situation but you need to focus on you lil boy. I tried the calling etc that seemed to push him further away, so i decided ( after alot of tears) that i wasn't going to sit and wait for him to make contact i was going to raise my son the best way i knew how. My son is growing into a lovely lil boy now with out knowing his dad.
Hang in there darl and stay strong for you handsome bub

[deleted account]

Custody and support are seperate issues in most court systems. If his name is on the birth certificate, or he has filed a letter acknowledging paternity he is required to pay child support until the child is 18. He can also be held liable for a % of the child's birthing expenses if the bill was footed by welfare And they will put a freeze on his back account and income tax returns if support or expenses are past due. They can also make support payments go back to the date of filing not the date of the hearing, so the father can actually start out in arrears thru no fault of his own.[This part I think is unfair] Judges can and do hand out jail time if support isn't paid.

Tianna - posted on 05/20/2009

33

18

3

yes very true.. i am going for custody and child support.. i used to say " wel he's not around so why should i want his money to support the child he doesn't take care of" .. but realized that it DOES take two people to make a child and he should take at least SOME responsibility!

[deleted account]

Whether the father is in the baby's life or not he is still required to pay child support until your son is 18. Make sure you take the legal steps to get it.

Kirstin - posted on 05/19/2009

101

15

8

I know the feeling well. My ex is the same. I dont try anymore. I figure if the kids want to know him when they older fine. But im done. He cant make the effort so why should i.

Tianna - posted on 05/18/2009

33

18

3

my son's father has not seen my son since he was about a month old also.. and my son is now a year and a half.. it was his fathers choice not to see him and i have let him know that he is and always has been more than welcome to see him.

Just my opinion but they way i see it.. if the father wants nothing to do with his son . then it is his loss.. i think as long as the father knows that you are not trying to keep him from his son. you know you have done your best.. i think if they wanted to be around they would. there should be no excuses.. at least now he can't say you haven't put forth an effort . but in the end i think its up to him whether he wants to be around or not.

(funny how many times they take the easy way out tho eh!?.. that bugs the hell out of me.)

but although it hurts to know that my son will always wonder about his father and why he isn't around, i know as he gets older he will know that he has always had people around him who love him. my son is a very happy little boy.. and i would rather have things with his father stay the way they are then have his father come in and out and messing with my sons emotions.. sounds harsh but my son is happy the way things are and i know he will remain happy as long as he has poeple around him who love him and want to be there for him..

i think whatever happens with your situation your son will grow up to be happy knowing that he has a mommy who cares so much for him!

.. good luck with everything and hope all goes well

[deleted account]

I didn't have a dad growing up, he walked out on us when I was 7 and we turned out just fine. My mother used to beg him to be in our lives, but we got to the point where we didn't want him in our lives. Your son is better off having parents that want him. You can be the mom and dad for now, and you never know what will happen in the future. You may meet someone perfect that will treat him better than his dad ever could.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms