14 Yr old Daughter and Dads GF

Cyndi - posted on 01/21/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I'm lost for words and seeking advice. I am recently divorced from my EA of 16 years. He is already living with a women and her two kids. Me and my ex has 60-40 split visitation. (Me 60)

My 14 yr old daughter speaks often of the new GF & her younger children. Even buys them gifts with the allowance money i give her. Which normally would not bother me, other then today is my Birthday...and my daughter didnt even give any thought into it at all. Yes, I know it is silly, But i am Jealous.

My ex runs me through the courts (a form of control), i am dealing with healing from the EA, and all i have left is my children. I admit i spoil my 14 yr old and try to show her how much she means to me. Maybe i am to nice.

Anyone have any words of wisdom, advice, to know Im not crazy to be so jealous of the relationship she seems to have with the *New* family.

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Susan - posted on 01/22/2014

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Ahhh thats ever so sweet of her. Glad yr birthday gift was a lovely surprise. I could cry for you.. :-)

Its so much healthier out of a toxic relationship. I like to read stories on thesecret.tv. They help me stay positive.

Cyndi - posted on 01/22/2014

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Thank you so VERY much Susan. Yes it is very hard, and last night at my Birthday dinner my amazing young lady gave me a Journal she threw together for me. It was more then anything i could ask for. She took the time to write how she was feeling, to set my mind at ease that she loves me and even though she has a new part time family at her Dad's, I will always be Mom. I literally cried at Olive Garden last night.

I know this is hard, and there will be many challenges ahead, But it is A LOT better then dealing with what the ex put me through. 16 years of his BS was enough.

Susan - posted on 01/22/2014

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Hey Cyndi,

BIG HUGS

I understand you. I'm split from boyfriend and my 21month will be with his new gf in a house overlooking mine as of next week... He's running me through the court right now.... lovely chap! So, ive gone through a lot of heartache in the last 10month since he met her. Jealousy, rage, anger, self-pity....

Now i'm a lot more stronger, happier and wise for it. Still hurts, however, its less and i'm becoming accustomed to the new step mum on the horizon.

First of all. You must have raised your daughter to be an awesome kind young girl. For her to buy gifts with her money is selfless. You're a lucky mummy that she's turned out well. There are so many greedy kids out there and yours clearly is not one of them. Be proud of her more than anything else. Seriously, well done!

As for the birthday thing, I get you.. we and our flippen egos can ruin us! If u put your ego aside, u wont be hurt by it, I promise. Who needs gifts anyway? Accept a loving lucky mummy-daughter hug instead....they're better:-)

What about the positive things that can come out of this new family for your daughter? I would try and concentrate on those if you can. For me, I keep thinking that his gf has no children and will solely concentrate on my girl, she is an ex nursery teacher, she must be something to put up with my cantankerous old git of an ex;-), she deosnt do drugs, an alcoholic or has a bad name for herself. I'll stop now LOL.

Ive been doing some sort of mediation to help me through it. I write in a book each day 10 things or more i'm grateful for in life and then visualize how my life will be in the future with new family, another baby, etc. It truly helps to make one happy. Its a lot of mental work in which to ride through the jealousy, hurt, etc, but you will get there.

Stay strong and positive, your daughter needs you to be happy and stable and that you accept her loving dads new gf and children. She will thank you for it later in life.

Now go give her a hug and tell her how proud of her you are that she selflessly bought her brothers gifts with her money. xxx

Hope Ive helped...

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