2months after a 4 degree tear sex is painful..normal??

Nikkeya - posted on 01/31/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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i had a horrible labor where i was in for 11hours, had to use forceps..tore ALL the way... even left with a cathedor..supposly dr says im okay but these last and only two times my bf and i have had sex it really hurts..is that normal??

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Jodi - posted on 01/31/2010

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I didn't tear all the way, but I was only about an eighth of an inch from it...and it didn't stop hurting for me (or at least being uncomfortable) until my daughter was about 7 months old. I assume the reason is because your vagine stretches to accept your bf's penis (sorry if this is graphic or TMI), but scar tissue (the tissue that tore and got stitched up) is not as elastic and does not stretch well at all. SOOO, if it doesn't stretch well, it feels like it's getting pulled apart when he enters you. When my daughter was nearly 6 months old I finally asked my midwife what I could do and she suggested perrianal massage to manually stretch the scar tissue. Put a little bit of lubrication, nothing that gets warm or tingles mind you, on the pads of your thumbs. Lay down on your bed and using your thumbs, press down on the scar tissue (as far up as it goes too) and if you can, rub a little bit. It will burn and be uncomfortable, but since you can control the pressure it doesn't have to be anything that's agonizing! If you do this every night, eventually it will stretch itself out and sex shouldn't hurt anymore. I am really sorry if this is TMI for anyone, but it does work and it's worth it to have your sex life back! Good luck!

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Stella - posted on 02/02/2010

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I realise you've probably got enough answers, but just to add to numbers, I had a third degree tear after my second son 18mths ago (but my first was a C-section due to undiagnosed breech) and it was 16-17 wks before I even felt like daring penetrative sex and then it was very slow and tentative. It was bearable, but not a whole lot of fun and it must've taken at least a year to get to a point when I didn't take a sharp breath if felt my husband initiating foreplay. Lots of lube, take it steady, try different positions as some are a lot more comfortable than others and if intercourse is too much for you, my husband and I were both grateful for non-penetrative sex for a long time!
BTW, Pearglen, sounds like you're much better off without your ex, and his whole family! Don't feel bad that you didn't stand up for yourself, you were a new mother and they shouldn't have even suggested a long car ride.

Kymberly - posted on 02/02/2010

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It's been 12 weeks since I had my daughter. I also tore when I gave birth. I had a few stitches. I couldn't even sit because it hurt. Anyway my fiance and I have attempted to have sex but weren't able to because it still hurt! So I would say your situation is normal. It just depends on the woman. We are all different.

Theresa - posted on 02/01/2010

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My SIL had a 4th degree tear and she said it was close to 6 months before she felt comfortable with sex. So I don't think it's unusual. After a normal delivery with out any tearing they suggest waiting 6 weeks.

Nicole - posted on 02/01/2010

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Did your doctor say you should be having sex? I had an episiotomy and when I saw my midwife at 6 weeks she said my uterus wasn't all the way back down yet either so I shouldn't even think about trying sex until at least 8 weeks postpartum. For a 4th degree tear I would think you need a few more weeks, you might be healed on the outside but the tissues on the inside may still be repairing themselves.

Pearglen - posted on 02/01/2010

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I had a fourth degree tear with my first baby, and a few days after he was born, my stitches popped out and the tear got worse. It turned into a rectal-vaginal fistula. My husband at the time was a jerk and sex had to be when he wanted it not whether I felt like it or not. Very painful. And it stayed painful for a long time. Anyway. I got the fistula repaired 10 months after I had the baby. Another long painful recovery. With both of them, even sitting down on a hard chair for a long period of time nearly brought me to tears. To this day, nearly 15 years later, I still cannot sit on a standard bicycle seat comfortably because of all the scar tissue I have. That bums me out because I used to love riding a bike when I was younger. When I can afford one, I want to have custom made bike with a recumbent seat that won't strain anything.

One thing about tearing like that, which your doctor may have cautioned you about, is that you are more likely to tear with subsequent deliveries. With my second and third babies, my doctors were divided on whether to do a C-section. In each case, they decided not to because I am a large person and the risks of the C-section would have been worse than the tear would have been even if it had turned into another fistula. Fortunately, with each of them I only had first degree tears, which compared to the fistula were nothing.

Also, a note of advice on possibly avoiding a fistula. I don't know if this is part of it, but my ex-husband's family thought I should be up and around right after delivery doing my normal routine right after having the baby, so three days after my son was born, I went with them on a long trip over very curvy mountainous roads. I was sitting in the back seat of the van and my sis in law was driving. She wasn't very experienced and took the curves too fast, so I was getting pushed and pulled from side to side which would make me slide around on the seat. It was that day that my stitches came out. I have to think that this was the major cause, because I was very careful with cleaning and everything they had cautioned me about in the hospital, except for the one thing that I should have really done. That one thing was that I should have spoken up for myself and stayed at home to rest instead of letting them drag me all over creation when I felt horrible and could barely walk from the pain. My new husband is the total opposite of my old one, and treats me like a queen. He was very patient after our baby (number 3, age 14 months) was born and we didn't even think about sex for at least 8 weeks afterward. We took things VERY slowly and gently when we did try it. I was still a little sore then but by 12 weeks was feeling back to normal.

Heather - posted on 02/01/2010

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My labor was easy, two pushes she was out..I had 3 degree rips..sex forget about it....it took about a year for me to be ok with sex, I even went to different obgyn's and they all said I was fine (yeah right) but it never felt the same again untill my second and he was born 6 years later:-( But I think everyone is different, some people heal faster then others...so for me yes that is normal..but just like I was saying after my son, sex was much better didn't have to wait as long just the normal 6 weeks after and we where good to go..your normal hunny hang in there:-)

Toni - posted on 02/01/2010

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3rd degree here, I had trouble for about 1 1/2 years, much better now. my doc gave me fluocinonide cream for the hardened scar tissue. which helped to some degree. lots of ky helped and take it slowwww.

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Normal!! 3rd degree tear here and it still hurt to have sex at three months. It will get better soon. :)

Valerie - posted on 01/31/2010

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My kiddo was 10 lbs and I also had a 4 degree tear. It took my 10 weeks to fully recover and sex after was very painful. I find I was very dry afterward to add to the other pain. I highly recommend KY silk. It's almost like water it's so thin and soothing and works great to relieve a lot of the chafing and pain during sex. Good luck!

Trina - posted on 01/31/2010

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p.s. i am so sorry for all you women that did tear!!!!! hope all is well now!!! ;)

Trina - posted on 01/31/2010

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i had three normal births, but my third my son was 8 lbs and 13 oz he came sideways the doctor had to push him back and turn him right but i didn't tear once, so i don't know how that feels but i was pretty swollen for awhile and it burned to have sex after 8 wks so i used alotta lube!!! i would talk to your dc about your situation to make sure your healed properly!!! or slowly ease into sex and start with fore play or masterbating to help loosen the scar tissue and muscles and use alotta lube!!!!! good luck!!!

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I have a four month old and sex is just now not uncomfortable. Your best friend right now is a good bottle of lube!

Nichole - posted on 01/31/2010

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I had 3rd degree tearing after my 16 hour labor with my son. The doctor told me I was okay and could have sex after my 6 week postpardum check up as soon as I felt ready, but it just hurt to until about 3 months maybe a little more after my son's birth. You tore worse than me, so I would guess it may take longer for you.

Hilary - posted on 01/31/2010

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I tore pretty badly with my first. I agree with Erica on the time frame of comfort.

I also had surgery on my ovaries and it took about 11 months not to have pain with intercouse with that.

It helped me alot to change positions. The best one for me was spooning.

Good luck :)

Paige - posted on 01/31/2010

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i had a 3rd degree tare, i tore in both directions and had many stitches, not to mention the hemroids from the pressure of the baby during the last weeks of my pregnancy. We tried several times, but didnt end up having fulll on intercourse until our daughter was nearly 4 months. its is perfectly normal for it to be painfull, its scare tissue, its sensative. I would suggest to try and endure the pain, as the stitched skin does need to stretch to make it possible to have sex. If you are very worried, i would suggest you go and get a second opinion- it wouldnt hurt to be sure! also my mum told me a story about her friend who has stitches after tearing suring labour and the doctor had stitched her up too much and she had to go back and get them to cut her a little so that sex was possible!

Erica - posted on 01/31/2010

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I had quite a few stitches after I gave birth and sex was painful for me for about 3 months and was uncomfortable for about 2 more months after that. But it did get better each time. Good luck!

Melinda - posted on 01/31/2010

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its probably were your body was going back down and where you tore. i know on my 6 week visit the pap hurt soo bad. but id ask my doctor just to be on the safe side.

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I had an episiotomy, so it wasn't even as bad as yours, and sex was very painful when we resumed at 8 weeks. It was painful at least the first 4 times, but got a little better each time. Nevertheless, if you're unsure, definitely get checked out by your doctor. And use LOTS of lubrication!

Rachel - posted on 01/31/2010

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I think by 2 months after labor, most pain should be gone so I would def recommend talking to your doctor about it. It can be uncomfortable but shouldn't be painful.

Rachel - posted on 01/31/2010

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I think by 2 months after labor, most pain should be gone so I would def recommend talking to your doctor about it. It can be uncomfortable but shouldn't be painful.

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