3 year old with attitude!!

Mandy - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ok so I was lucky enough to escape the terrible two's with my daughter, she was an angel....BUT now she's 3 and holy cow is she making up for lost time!!! She has gotten the biggest attitude and shows absolutely no respect, she thinks she runs the household.....how do I set her straight without being mean or yelling (that seams to make it worse). She tells me no all the time, tells me she's not happy and if I don't stop she's going to put me in time out, hits me, picks on her baby brother, yells at the top of her lungs when he bugs her.......I didn't raise her to act like this, it makes me feel like a bad mom that my kid acts like this (by the way, she's a complete angel for others when they watch her). I'm not sure how to handle it....I don't believe in spanking and time out doesn't seem to work.....she just keeps getting up and laughing and it turns into a complete disaster. help!!!

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Iliana - posted on 04/30/2010

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You're not a bad mom. Just a little lost. My son lost his mind at 3. I think they should call it the terrible 3's. LOL...

Look you are the parent and you don't need to yell. As a matter of fact, yelling will always make it worse. You are reducing yourself to their level and in turn reducing your authority over her. Speak calmly,quietly, but firm. Always firm and stand your ground. You're going to need patience to attain results. Tell her flat out. Not acceptable. Hold her in place, don't let her walk away from you while yelling at you. Block her with your body. Hold her by the arms(her hands at her side) not roughly but firmly and tell her you will speak to her when she has calmed down. It might take a while. It has taken 5mins or more at times to calm my son. Defend your son he doesn't deserve the abuse. She angry perhaps because she feels that her little brother takes all the attention she used to have. Big siblings will do that. Spank if you must only as a last resort and if and when the situation is required. I give warnings, 3 strikes you're out, that a spank is coming if there is no co-operation or compliance. Remind them of what warning they are on. 1, 2 or last. Give a consequence if not a spank(not needed at all) and stick to it. Follow through consistently because they will break you down if you don't. I know it seems like your little angel has gone the way of the devil but they need to know that life has bounderies and you're the boss. Time out works if you keep sending her back. Even it takes hours to get her to stay. Tell her once she stays she has to serve her sentence. 1 min. per year of age. Pick the same spot every time. first step of the stairs a corner in a room where she won't get into anything. You must stay calm even though it will seem like it's impossible. Believe I know. I use signing sometimes to send a message. I snap my fingers at them. That way I don't raise my voice. I used it in the beginning and now I don't need to speak and they know I mean for them to stop it. Hope this helps. Please contact me if you need to talk it out more.

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Tanya - posted on 04/30/2010

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I am not sure if you give her a lot of choices, but sometimes that can help. If you let them pick small things during the day they feel like they have more control. You can let her pick which shirt she can wear (even if she wants to wear dress up cloths to the store or something that doesn't match) My mom always let me wear whatever i wanted if it was just a trip to the store or something like that and even let me put on some of her make up to go out! You should see the pics lol. Let her choose what kind of juice. Also she might just be bored so maybe try to get her out of the house more often or let her stay with some of the people who want to watch her. If she gets some undivided attention she might feel better and she gets to talk with some different people.

Gina - posted on 04/30/2010

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I am lucky enough to have a toy room for our daughter's things and her bedroom is for sleep and thought only. So when she gets out of controll like you have mentioned that yours does, I give her the costomary warnings that what she is doing is not acceptable and if it continues that she will be sent to her room for her time outs. She is 5 so when it gets to the point that I do have to put her in time out in her room it's only for 5 mins with her door shut. She can scream, yell and freak out in private and when her time is served I go to her and we talk about what she did and why she went to her room,and then I explain what I expect out of her the next time she feels out of control,and how she can handle things differently in the future. This seems to help for a day or 2. Then we go through it all over again. I just have to remember that I am the adult, and keeping my cool is part of that job,nomatter how naughty she gets. Good luck and it will get better.

Tracy - posted on 04/30/2010

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Well said, Iliana. I couldn't have said it any better. I have a 10 and 15 year old, and both of mine were angels at 2 and temper tantrum king and queen at 3. It seems like the odd years are harder...age 5 will present its own challenges, and please do not get me started on age 13. You just have to be consistent and persistent as Iliana said and you will make it through with a beautiful 4 year old!

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