37 weeks pregnant and a sahm

Emily - posted on 05/24/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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i am 37 weeks pregnant with 2 little girls who are 2 and 3. and there dad does work but he feels that i should not only clean up after him like i do the kids but that i should be happy about it. i have no problem cleaning the house, my problem is that he seems not to be able to clean up after himself. leaves his dishes on the table, and leaves clothes on the livingroom floor, or whatever he doesnt clean up after himself inside. but when it comes to outside he is all about keeping it nice. i just want to know if i am wrong by asking him to please clean up after himself, i am not asking him to do dishes or even scrub bathrooms. i just want him to clean up after himself when he does things. clean up his video games when he is done. throw his trash away. something

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Theresa - posted on 05/25/2011

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Sounds like you have 3 children plus one on the way. I would talk to him nicely first and ask him to put dishes in the sink and clothes in the hamper. If he refuses then I would tell him that you won't wash clothes that aren't in the hamper and you won't wash dishes that aren't by the sink. As far as the video games my 12 and 15 year old sons know that if their games are left laying around I will pick them up. When I pick them up they go away for a week. After a week of not having the video games (I actually do this with all toys) they tend to keep them put away. I realize he's the husband and not the child, but if he's going to behave like a child maybe he needs to be treated like one.

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Christine - posted on 05/26/2011

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No you are not wrong..he is a grown man and can pick up after himself. If he wants a mommy then he should move back home! My first husband was like this and when we got divorced I did not miss him or the mess...just the paycheck. That is a sad reason to stay in a marriage. Tell him that you don't want to resent him, but he is pushing you into that.

Bridgette - posted on 05/25/2011

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Men always need to be reminded of picking up after themselves, even the best ones cant seem to figure it out. I only have one child at home right now (still on maternity leave) but I wont pick up everything for my hubby - I am willing to HELP but not to be his MAID. I understand being at home I need to do more, but there is a line. Dont accept it because obviously he does not appreciate anything you do anyway.

Patricia - posted on 05/25/2011

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i have talked and talked until i am nearly blue in the face nothing changes and when i really pushed the point he accused me of it being someone elses the hide he is the unfaithful one not me

Patricia - posted on 05/25/2011

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no not at all being a mum is a full time job in itself he should not be so selfish and lazy

Rachel - posted on 05/24/2011

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Communication is key! Talk, write it down, think, pray, talk more.
If he doesn't know what you expect of him, how is he supposed to read your mind? Men can't. Women can't. That's why we are supposed to talk.... it isn't always easy. It most certainly isn't always fun... but sometimes it's necessary. One rule my mom had for us growing up is that if we left anything out of its' "home," she'd throw it away... now... we were children then... your husband isn't a child. So talk to him. As adults. Lay out what your needs are. You have a lot to do already. He has things to do also, but it's not hard to clean up as you both go along. And help each other. Talk! :-)

Christy - posted on 05/24/2011

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I highly recommend the books, "His Needs, Her Needs for Parents" and "Love Busters" by Dr. Willard Harley who is an amazing marriage counselor. My husband and I read through these books and have greatly improved our marriage.

This type of complaint would be a love buster and can be fixed. Going through the books together will help your husband take it seriously, especially since both of you will be making changes in your actions to meet each other's needs, not just him.

Michelle - posted on 05/24/2011

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Yeah I know how that feels. When I was 33 weeks pregnant with my third my husband was out of town and I ended up going into labor at 36 weeks. But my husband was like that well always. So it's been like that all 3 pregnancies with him being out of town for work about a week every month to add to it. I finally figured out that I should have tried to amend the situation a long time ago because now he can't seem to understand why I would need him to help out or simply clean up after himself. I love him he is trying but in his eyes I've never said anything before so why would I need the help now. Talk to him now. Especially because you are very pregnant and he should be willing to help out more just based on that.

Elfrieda - posted on 05/24/2011

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I leave my husband's side of the bedroom as is, mostly.

Some of it is because I don't feel like it's my responsibility to clean up after him, but mostly because I feel it's disrespectful to treat him as a child. If he's got some shirts and pants lying on the floor, probably he wants to work in the shop later this week, so he'll wear them again. Or maybe he's just having a lazy day. Why should he have to explain to me every detail of what he's planning, or when he was going to wear that shirt again before it needed washing, it would be upsetting to find that I'd stuffed it in the hamper with all the dirty stuff. It's not really my business. I wash the clothes that are in the hamper, and usually I give him a heads-up the night before laundry day, so that he can put what he wants washed into the hamper.

Then again, I'm the messier one in our house, so I'm pretty forgiving of other people's messes. Also, I'm less likely to run behind somebody cleaning up. We'll clean it up later, is my motto. :)

Katherine - posted on 05/24/2011

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37 weeks??!!!! He should be catering to YOU. What is wrong with men these days?
You have 2 young children, SAHM or not, you are due in 3 weeks and he should stop being a child and clean up his own messes! Honestly? I would leave them.

Maybe when the shit starts piling up he'll get the hint. What is with the insensitive men! I would have a serious talk with him.

Kimberly - posted on 05/24/2011

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My husband and I had this exact conversation just a few days ago!! I only have one daughter who is 20 months. I have no problem cleaning up after my daughter, doing the dishes, I wash all of our clothes, I clean the bathrooms, etc. But I am getting tired of picking his underwear up off the bathroom floor every morning, and putting his shoes away when he gets home from work, and putting the chips bag back in the cupboard after he gets a snack!! I told him I have one child, not two! I don't think it's too much for him to pick up after himself at all. My husband has been trying since we had that conversation. He still forgets now and then, but I just say, "can you put your shoes away, please?" and he'll do it :P

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