4 year old step daughter hates coming to her daddys house am i the only one having this issue?

Sasha - posted on 06/01/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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from Thursday to Sunday my husband's little girl comes up to stay with us and every weekend she cries to go home. she says she hates it here. Me and my husband do everything we can to make her happy and its never enough she just throws and tantrum and cries and its like this everyday. I have a 2 year old that is always trying to get her to play but my husband child never wants to. Every time his little girl cries it upsets my little girl. we have to bend over backwards for her and its really putting a strain on our marriage . I just don't know what else to do I really need some advice I don't like seeing my little girl this upset all the time. A friend of mine said try getting visits switched to every other weekend give her a chance to miss you and want to come I just don't know if that is the right thing to do.

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Michelle - posted on 06/01/2013

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Has your husband had time her by himself and asked her why she doesn't like visiting him? Has her Mother asked her why she is acting out? There has to be a reason and even though she's only 4 she still has an opinion and needs to be heard.
Bending over backwards and doing what she wants could only be contributing to the tantrums. If she doesn't have a reason then it may just to get her own way. if you have more rules in your house then she may hate it and this is her way of fighting them. By doing whatever you can to make her happy isn't teaching her any life lessons. You need to tell her that at your house there are certain rules and all the family have to stick to them. Yes she may be upset but she's 4, she needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her.

Alina - posted on 06/05/2013

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Please don't take this as me saying this is your experience . . . but I had my stepkids every weekend when we lived in the same state. I experienced some of your issues, and it turned out to be a combination of the kids acting out because daddy had another family and didn't live with them, and the mother of my stepkids. I found out quite by accident when I had purchased some cute outfits for my stepdaughter after being tired of her coming over to the house dirty and with too-small clothes. My MIL sent some beautiful dresses from Texas for her, and her mom wouldn't let her wear them! Then she started acting crazy when I got pregnant with our son. She was saying things to the kids to make them hate coming over, saying things about me and telling the kids their father was no good for leaving her and marrying me. (They were never married). Her jealousy poisoned the kids. As far as the whining, I laid the law down on those kids early. I told them they could whine, but they would whine in their room while the rest of us had fun. I told them they had two choices - have a great weekend with us, or spend the entire time whining to the walls in the room. And I followed through. It's no fun sitting in your room while listening to the rest of the family have fun. Don't bend over backwards to accommodate an ill-tempered child - that's manipulation. Take back the power and authority in your house, set the rules, and I promise she will have to get a grip! But please don't let her make your household miserable. It's not fair to you, your husband, and especially your 2 year old.

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Amy - posted on 06/06/2013

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It could be a combination that daddy has new family and she feels like a guess and not family. Also biom maybe be filling her head with garbage.
I can't help but notice that you call the lil girl your husband' s daughter not your step daughter or our daughter. The lil girl may pick up on this. Try making sure daddy has one on one time with herand you may want to also.maybe also ask her help in makeing dinner let her decide wat to fix then help fix it even if its cereal.
Stuff like that may help her feel more like family and not just your husband s lil girl.
We get our son only for summer and everyother holidays he lives 16 hr drive away. Every time biom feels his head with garbage so he don't want to come and she loves it when he crys for her. I think it's twisted and only hurts him but after a few days he falls right into place.
Good luck.

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