A family divided

Abby - posted on 12/02/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

11

23

0

Anyone else have this problem? My oldest daughter Maya is 4 and gets to see her birth dad every other week (for a week straight mind you). He now has a wife and new baby which is wonderful for them. The only problem I have is when I log onto facebook and see photos posted of MY daughter plastered all over his wife's page. They even just had a family photo session done and never bothered to tell me. She also lists Maya as one of her daughters. I know she is the step-mom and proud of Maya to show her off but it's really getting to me. Any suggestions on what I should do? Say nothing is what I've been doing. I feel like I'm going to implode though!

14 Comments

View replies by

Christy - posted on 12/07/2009

2,218

41

438

I am not in that situation but I can see your frustration. I think it is great she is making your baby a part of what she may consider her extended family. Don't say anything about it unless it is HARMFUL to your daughter, which I don't see. I know it is eating you alive though......patience dear. Easier said than done, I know. Good luck.

Erika - posted on 12/07/2009

407

20

25

Hi Abby (love your name, that's my daughter's name)

I see how you can feel upset about this, especially the fact that you found out about the accident via FB. Yikes! I think maybe you should tell them how you feel, that's probably the only way help yo feel better anyway.

Best Wishes!

Erika
http://www.4MyFamilyandMe.com

Abby - posted on 12/07/2009

11

23

0

Hey TaraLynn! I am so sorry about your boys too. My son's name was Baine Alexander. I read your other post about the shrine in NY and just had him added. I just got a personal letter and the certificate today and I think it made my year. Thank you for your support and for that suggestion. I hope to talk to you again too!

TaraLynn - posted on 12/06/2009

49

7

4

abby, i'm sorry about your son. i had twin boys who passed away at birth. what was his name?

Abby - posted on 12/04/2009

11

23

0

Well thanks for the reality ck there Renae. I must agree with you on accepting both of her lives. I do keep her happiness the most highest priority and she does not hear or see me do or say anything bad about her dad and step-mom. In fact we have all been closer than most divided families. We all became very close after my 3 mo old son passed away. They were very supportive and still are. Since then we have always kept an open and honest line of communication and talked any big decisions out reguarding my daughter. That is one reason his wife and I communicate via FB as the rest of the whole world. I don't necessarily check up on my daughter but we both share in most our individual goings ons. I suppose in retrospect you helped me realize it wasn't them that I had a problem..it was the lack of our regular communication. We always ck in with each other every friday at least and today was no different. I had a great day when I picked my beautiful daughter up and had a great time talking to her step mom and lil sis there! =)

Renae - posted on 12/04/2009

2,209

23

156

I am speaking as someone who comes from a divided family. I have 3 step siblings and a step father on one side, 2 step siblings and a step mother on the other side, and 2 blood siblings. YES, real life brady bunch!

Your daughter has 2 lives. When she is with them she is part of their family. When she is with you she is part of your family. I guarantee she walks in the door of whichever house and automatically slips into it, different rules, different ways of doing things, etc. Would you rather her excluded from family photos? I know you wouldn't. I'm sorry to sound like I'm taking their side, why should they have to tell you if they are having family photos taken? Her father is allowed to have photos of her taken. And, why is his wife one of your friends on facebook? Why would you be looking at her page? I really dont mean to offend at all, I just wonder if you are checking up on what she is doing with your daughter and what their family is doing while your daughter is at their house???

I can't imagine how this makes you feel but for your daughter's happiness I think you need to accept it somehow, I wish I could tell you how. This will be your daughter's life from now on. She shouldn't ever feel like she is in the middle. Please do not let her hear any of your concerns, discuss it when she's not around.

Sorry I probably haven't been much help.

Abby - posted on 12/03/2009

11

23

0

Thank you TaraLynn! I was feeling like crap there for a second but you get me! Thanks for understanding the real situation!=)

TaraLynn - posted on 12/03/2009

49

7

4

i can definetely see how you feel you are being pushed out. there's enough room for you both to love her, but you are maya's mommy. maya may be her daughter too,but she isn't maya's mommy too. there are certain rights out of respect for you and maya's relationship that she should always uphold and that comes with loving maya AND remembering your place in her life. i dont' really have any advice, just thought you might want to hear someone say, you are not wrong to feel that way girl. any mom would in that situation.

Abby - posted on 12/03/2009

11

23

0

Don't get me wrong. I'm not at all upset how she treats my daughter. She is a wonderful person and has always given full attention and love to Maya. My beef is that she acts as if she's only hers and I have nothing to do with her. She tells all her friends Maya is HER 4 year old as if she birthed her and I'm not around. Another example was when she got in an accident with Maya and I didn't receive a call. I found out a day later on her FB page guys! I was furious and she couldn't see why I was upset with this. I asked her to please let me know whats going on with my daughter before the whole world. In that respect, I feel violated emotionally with her now having new posed pics of Maya plastered all over her wall and not a word was said to me about it or offered to see them. That's all I'm trying to say..

Nicole - posted on 12/03/2009

6

23

0

ya u dont want your daughter growing up thinking oh why does the baby get treated better than me... u should be glad she treats her like her own rather than the "stepchild"

Mandy - posted on 12/03/2009

574

18

105

i married a man whjo is not my first sons father, and he treats him like a son. i would be upset if he treated him differently from our other son.

Jane - posted on 12/03/2009

1,488

32

227

i don't let anyone post pictures of my kids w/out my permission. i had my sister-in-law remove pics from FB. YOU'RE her mom, she's her step-mom. you are completely w/in your rights (legal and by nature) to ask them to take them down.

Monica - posted on 12/02/2009

45

31

3

would you feel better if she treated maya like a "step daughter" and just labled her as oh this is my step daughter? i think she wants maya to know that she is and will always be part of the family. do you want her to go around saying i have half brothers and sisters? my oldest sister is not my mom's daughter and my mother always treated her as if she was and called her, her daughter as well, her mom didn't have an issue with that because she knew my mom loved her and treated her well and didn't make her feel excluded in any way. so don't let it drive you crazy, just know that this woman wants your daughter to be and feel loved when she visits her dad.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms