Adjusting to life with 2 kids

Candie - posted on 06/18/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I know it's hard on me being a mom and dealing with the changes that the new baby brings but how do you keep the 4year old involved enough without her hurting the baby....she's always so rough and she always wakes up baby sister when shes sleeping....how do i get the big sister to be easy and not reject little sister because she is taking up so much of mommy's time now....help me please!

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Michelle - posted on 06/18/2010

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I may catch some heat for this comment, but I am going to say it anyway. As I will be in your shoes in approximately 15 weeks. My grandmother told me once that your new baby will not remember crying in her crib for five extra minutes because you are spending quality time with your daughter. However, your older daughter will remember that mommy was too busy to spend five minutes with her because of the new baby. I know my grandma didn't mean for me to ignore my baby and spend time only with my older daughter. I think what she was trying to say is that those extra five minutes you give your oldest instead of running to the new baby, will remind your oldest that she is still important and loved just as much....

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Taneia - posted on 06/19/2010

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hi there i had trouble with my oldest boy when his sister was born he hated it he would hurt her and make her cry i talked to my mum who had 6 kids and rased us on her own and she told me you cant let jacob (my boys name) do that to her i hate to make him relise that misty is only a baby and i have to be there for her about more that you its just the way it hate to be. and that when she was in bed it was mine and his time to play or even watch tele the lilltle things i did wih him when she was asleep was a big change i even let him help me when she was up to get her a nappie things like that just been involed help so much soon he stoped hurting her and started been more loveing towards her so try what iv said it really works.

Jane - posted on 06/19/2010

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keep the 4-yr old involved, bringing you diapers, reading to the both of you when it's feeding time, kisses on top of the baby's head and bottom of her feet, helping you see what the baby wants, picking out which socks to put on her, etc. and yes, as Michelle said, she won't remember crying. my mother was a chain-smoker w/her 1st three kids (she had 7) and i was mortified when she told me that she would have a full cigarette before getting a baby in the middle of the night b/c she knew she wouldn't have the chance again for a few hours. none of the three remember it. and my first memory is kindergarten. anything before that, i don't remember.
but keeping the other child involved makes things easier and it helps them understand that you are a family now, and families do everything together. the first month w/two was hell. then after the third month, i realized that i was handling things and was on a schedule.
good luck!

Tara - posted on 06/18/2010

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What we did with my girls (oldest is 2 years, youngest is 8 months) was let my older girl "help" Mama - hand me a diaper, or a wipe, put the baby's bottle on the table, etc. We still have a little trouble with the "wake up the baby" thing, but what has been working for us is telling my oldest that "when your sister is asleep, Mama can spend some time just with you" and that has been working a charm. She's also learning the finer points of "inside voice". Another thing I've tried to do is make sure that from a discipline aspect my older girl knows that things like smacking or poking, etc aren't acceptable, from either girl - if the baby accidentally smacks her sister, I tell her "no, we don't smack people" the same as I tell the older girl - I know the baby doesn't understand what I'm saying, but her sister doesn't, and she's happy because the rules are the same for both girls. The last thing both my husband and I do is try to give a little extra attention to our older girl when the baby doesn't need attention - even a 5 minute cuddle before bedtime seems to keep my oldest happy now.

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