Advice for "mommyitis"

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Does anyone have advice for the "mommyitis." My son is almost 5 months old and he is starting to cry when mom is out of sight. He's fine at home, but when others hold him, he wants mom back. Do I keep letting other people hold him when he's fussy or should I take him back right away? Can I still leave him in the nursery at church if he's crying? And other things like that.

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Michelle - posted on 01/26/2010

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in my opinion, no you shouldnt leave him with people hes uncomfortable with. some people will argue your spoiling him and that he will never learn to get attached to others, but that is not true at all.
If you leave your baby or child with anyone and he gets upset, and then you leave him to be in the situation he doesnt want to be in, hes gonna not trust you.
My daughter goes through this with her grandparents...If I leave her downstairs with them (she loves them dearly and vice versa) and I go upstairs and I shut thier kitchen door, she screams for me to come back...shes not spoilt, she just thinks ive gone..and wont come back. Some days she will sit and play happily with her grandma, but when im totally out of sight in someone elses house she doesnt like it, it must scare her. shes fine at home...she will pay just fine by herself while I go upstairs to do something...they just go through alot of seperation anxiety when they are young and if you dont 'come back for them' or 'dont take them out the situation they arent comfortable with' then they are just going to get more upset.

If you feel he is just whining and not crying then leave him...but if hes screaming cause he wants you, just take him. If you dont want to do this, get the person whos holding him to distract him by taking him outside for a walk...if he doesnt calm down then, well he wants you for definate.

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Catrina - posted on 01/26/2010

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I had this happen with all 4 of mine. Right now my 2 year old is in that stage (should be leaving it soon enough though thankfully) and it is horrible when its going on, but they do eventually get out of it. I have kids who are wonderfully social and well-adjusted despite my never sending them to nursery at church, letting others hold them if they started fussing, and such. (and to boot, my kids make friends easily and are well-mannered and know how to function in society despite being homeschooled *rolling eyes*) Do what YOU think is best, and don't worry about what others think. There will always be someone who disapproves of what you do with your child, you flat out can NOT please everybody.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2010

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A lot of people would suggest that you can't spoil a child at 5 months and that might be true but even at 5 months children are smart and will recognize patterns. I agree with what Jennifer Sampsel said. I would keep it going. When your child is feeling comfortable in the nursery leave but just for a minute and then come back. Keep doing this and keep extending the length of time you are gone for until you get to the point that you can leave for an entire service or whatever.

I would like to say one more thing though. This will only work if YOU are comfortable with it. If you are nervous leaving your child and letting your child cry a little then your child will feel it and they won't be okay with it. Do what is right for you and your child and let everyone else deal with themselves. Your child will eventually learn to be away from you that is just the way it works. It just takes time and how long depends on you AND your child. Just love them and try to be patient.

Good luck and know you aren't alone.

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I personally wouldn't take him back RIGHT away unless whoever is holding him is super uncomfortable holding him while he cries.
As far as the nursery goes at church what we do at our church is the parents leave their children with the care givers, weather they're crying or not, and if the child doesn't stop crying after a few minutes we call them from the service (we have a # system with a screen in the sanctuary, kind of like a beeper system). What the parents decide to do from there is up to them. Some take their babies with them to the service, others try bringing them back. I've never seen the harm in at least giving whoever has your baby a sporting chance at calming him down first before taking him back yourself.

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2010

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I would start out slow. If he is crying because someone else is holding him, then start with the person near and you holding him. That way he will slowly get used to the other person. Then, try to hand him off, but stay close by. If he starts to fuss, let him a little, but only if the person who has him is comfortable with it. If the person who has him gets nervous, then he can sense that and will feed off of it. For the church nursery, (I had to do this with my last child) stay in the nursery with him the first couple times and play with him in there. Then when he is ok with that, stay in the nursery with him, but try not to interact with him too much. Play with the other kids, or talk to the other grown ups in there. Pretty soon, he will be busy playing and not care as much that you are there. He is at the right age to experience seperation anxiety, so the best way to prove that you are comming back, is to leave for a little while, then come back.

Monica - posted on 01/26/2010

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it's up to you!! in my opinion, babies cry for a reason and it's because they have this huge bond with YOU! I couldn't bear when my baby would cry for anything!! They say you can't spoil a baby until they're a year, then you can start letting them cry a little, but it's normal for a 5 month old, and if i were you i would keep that bond strong by responding when the baby cries for you! :)

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