all of a sudden staying home isnt good enough to him....

Nadine - posted on 02/28/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Ok so the other day we were arguing (my fiance and I) about his son not listening to me and giving me attitude. Out of no where he tells me get a full-time job then you can bi*@#. What me having a job has to do with his son listening to me I haven't a clue.... So now I'm busting my but to find a job on no experience and no GED or diploma. in the begining he would say I don't let my women work i like them to stay home and take care of the kids as I did and do... what is his problem? oh well when I get a job I'm going to let him hear it..he thinks I was "complaining" befor ejust wait...

ANYONE HAVING THE SAME ARGUMENT (Other than the stepchild not listening)

10 Comments

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Jenny - posted on 03/03/2009

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you know I am sure your finance was super stressed that the time of the fight.  I agree its not nice, but I really don't think Men get what it is to be mothers!!  WE do work very hard!!  I stay at home because all I have is a high school diploma and I couldn't afford to put my boys in daycare.  I love being home but there is times I feel bad my hubby works so hard and I bring no money in!  Last November I found a AWE$OME opportunity for me to stay at home and make money!!  Plus save my family money on things we use everyday!!  If you are interested at all working with a Great Team of mothers just like you I would love to talk with you.  Go to my website and imput your info and I will give you a call.  www.livetotalwellness.com/jennywillbrant Risk Free No Obligation and LOW LOW start up fee.  Just would love to help you out with your dilemma!! 



Good Luck with your job search



Jenny Willbrant

Shari - posted on 03/03/2009

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Okay, this is a typical argument that couples with a SAHM eventually face at some point (although statements like "I don't let my women work" are uh, well, pigheaded and sexest! but anyway...) When my fiance started making comments like "Yeah, but you don't have to go to work" or "it must be nice to just stay home" I found a solution that put him in his place in an instant!! I said that I would be more than happy to work outside of the home. I then gave him a bill for all the services I was currently providing as a SAHM!! After all, a SAHM is a housekeeper, a nanny, a laundry service, a private tutor, a chef, a chauffer, and so much more...this was a clear and to-the-point reminder of the value of my job! Maybe your hubby-to-be needs to be reminded just how much effort you put in every day and that you are on the clock 24 hours a day!! Also, does he have the slightest clue what child care costs these days??? It outrageous!!!

Jessica - posted on 03/02/2009

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Hi Nadine,
This is a difficult and emotional place you are in. I want to encourage you to sit down with him when it is quiet and the little on is sleeping. Let him know you want to support him but you are struggling with this concern. He may not have the answer for you and may be feeling like he can't fix this challenge you are facing. Not that his reaction earlier was ok, but this approach might help him see your side and your need. You getting a job isn't going to fix anything. You are both misunderstanding the other and taking the time to talk through it is what I would suggest. If you really want his support you need to ask for it. Do you have a church where other mothers meet. Have you looked for a MOPS group? Mothers of Preschoolers. This was a huge support for me.
I don't see you getting a job to fix this sittuation. Getting a job would simply put you out of the house and away from your step child. Not sure that would resolve anything.
Jessica

Mandi - posted on 03/02/2009

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I think that I have the perfect solution to your problem. I am a stay at home mom too and I have recently started working at home on my computer. I thought that while I was at home I might as well be making money so I started working with Scent-Sations. Do you like candles? I would love for you to go to my website at www.twin-scents.com and click on the business presentation tab then click on the online presentation video and watch that to see if this business might be something that could help you. Please let me know what you think. I hope that this can help you. Alteast my husband can't tell me that I don't contribute to the household anymore, LOL. May God Bless!



Mandi McCraw

Blanca - posted on 03/01/2009

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Hi Nadine,

With this economy, I'm sure it's hard to find a job. Maybe you can start selling Mary Kay or Avon and you can still stay at home. I hope things work out for you. :)

Kate CP - posted on 02/28/2009

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Maybe it's just the fact that it's late and I'm tired, but your fiance sounds like a butt head. "I don't let my women work"? What the hell kind of statement is that?! He doesn't own you and he shouldn't be acting as if he does. Choosing to be a SAHM is a tough decision and it's a tough job. If he can't respect and support you emotionally for the job you do at home, then he needs to switch rolls for a day. I'm sorry, but if my husband-my PARTNER which is who he is supposed to be-ever talked to me like that I don't think he would have a key to the house in the morning. But, that's just me.

Louise - posted on 02/28/2009

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at the moment i am having the same problem my partner is lazy he does jack s**t at home and now hes telling me that i need to go at a part time job i know it wont work out cause hes never gotten up to our child EVER during the night last week was the 1st time ever he gave our son a bath (my sons 23mnths old) all i can see is my son getting sick one day with the flu or whatever and itl be me getting up doing stuff and going to work the next day plus he said i can work for 2days and he can change his job just to do 4days on but hes always told me that he would love to have a job 4days on 4days off so hes making excuses so this would happen.
when we first started living together i worked 6days a week 8 till 6 and he had NO job and he put on the weight he didnt even cook tea didnt do washing NOTHING sometimes i think why am i still here with him!

Sheri - posted on 02/28/2009

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Talk to him more when you're not arguing about it and ask him what he really thinks about the whole thing. Your opinion counts too and you guys should work it out together and listen to eachother's reasoning. It may be that's only part of what he really feels... he may be feeling like since all the *financial* pressure of providing for the family is on him, he should have more *say*. I'm not saying that's right, but that may be going on in his mind. You won't know though unless you ask. Be patient and don't jump to conclusions and hopefully your interest and understanding will nuetralize the charge of the argument.

Jeanne - posted on 02/28/2009

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Sorry to hear there's argujment about you staying home..........but should it be your decision to stay or to work, but if you can afford to stay why not..........I would rather bring up our child then letting a daycare/stranger and you miss out all the important 1st time things they do?



1st Make your couple is stronge enough.........and make all decisions together with your fiance! because if not things will not work out.............if not then you must decide what you really want or what he really wants?



Hope this help! Keep me posted anytime that's why you came here to share! Good Luck!



My name is Jeanne I have 3 children my older son Sylvain is 19 years old with Twins Matthieu (ADHD) & Natalie will turning 17 years old on the 3rd of March. I'm a single mom over 40 will be 45 this coming May, and I'm really looking forward of being part of the mom’s team and hopefully we can learn and all grow together to become a better person.



Jeanne

Emily - posted on 02/28/2009

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Being a stay at home mom takes a lot of work...you are the disiplinary, teacher, nurse, playmate, etc... and your hubby should really ease up on you, because it is a full time job, and having a step child makes it extra challeging. My husband has come to realize that if I were to get a full time job, then we would have to find child care, which would take just about an entire paycheck of mine to provide. So the perks of staying at home are that you know who is raising your child...YOU. And you don't have to miss moments with your child at a job that really only provides money to pay for daycare....hope my ramble makes since to you and hope I helped a bit....Good Luck!!!

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