Alone at home mom

Bella - posted on 03/18/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )

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I'm a new mom of a 5-month-old baby girl. My husband and I live together in our own house and he's gone 15 hours every day of the week. All of my past girlfriends are living the single life going to clubs and partying, etc. and I don't really have any friends that have babies around my baby's age that stay home. It gets really lonely and boring at home all day every day and my husband doesn't understand (as much as he tries to) and we all know sometimes we just need another mothers company. I go to baby swimming classes but all the other moms are aged 30+. Any stay-at-home moms out there feel the same way?

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Dayna - posted on 03/18/2010

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Oh, it can be hard in the beginning, especially with one baby and baby being so young too!! Once your daughter gets a bit older and more interactive, that will help, are there coffee groups on your area? Do you have neighbours that you could start a coffee/play group with? You could look at starting a work from home business? Goodluck, it does get easier!!

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Angela - posted on 04/11/2010

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don't be afraid of the 30 + moms, you'll be surprised how much you'll have in common with them.

Nthemba - posted on 04/09/2010

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I agree with my fellow moms. please accept that you have become a mom and concentrate on taking care of your baby. there is no better life than that and don't think you are missing so much out there. time will come when you'll free to go out once your baby is big enough. i ask you to love your stay at home and all chores that come with it. wish you all the best

Rebecca - posted on 04/01/2010

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I think that no matter what your age is when you are stuck at home all day with the kids it can be tough. Your job never ends.....ever. You are not alone. Even if all your girlfriends are going out just look at you baby girl and know that what you have is more wonderful that what they will ever find in any club.

Nikkole - posted on 03/28/2010

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i fell the same way. my lil girl is 6mts old. and her daddy works 3rd shift so when he is home he is asleep. and i get so bored and loney. a few of my friends have kids but they are 3 and 4 so my lil girl cant play with them. and my friend kids go with there dad ever other weekend so they go dancing and to clubs.i have 2 friends that r in there 40 that i do stuff with. but it is still hard bc the friends that r my age dont call or txt any more. im just glad that im not the only mom that feels this way

[deleted account]

I have had trouble adjusting to life with no friends at the same point in my life too. It's taken a while for me to feel like I have people to talk to. I moved to a neighborhood and have gotten to know some of my neighbors. Some of whom are 10 years older than me, but we still have things in common, like our values and what we want for our children. I think that is one of the most important things now. I'm 30 now, so things may be different for SAHM's younger than me, but facebook has also helped. I lost track of many of my high school friends and come to find out, many of them are in the same situation as me. It's great to be able to share stories and see pics of others and get advice when I need it.

It is hard at the beginning with just one infant.. My oldest is now 2 1/2 and I have a 1 month old. It gets easier accepting that I'm a mom and that's what I do. Going to the playground is great. Many moms and dads are friendly there and it gives you a little adult conversation. When my oldest son was just a few months old, I tried a play group thing, but hated it. Don't feel bad if you hate it, you just may not find your type of people there, or you might! I also tried storytime at our local library. I suggest doing that soon as it was too much to try with a rambunctious 1 year old. Good luck and enjoy your baby!

Melinda - posted on 03/27/2010

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Check your local library for a children's group. I live in an apartment complex and have started a mother's group...the weather is getting nice...a walk in the park...go to www.meetup.com. They have mother's groups posted there, at a church.

Robin - posted on 03/27/2010

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I have felt like that since I had my first child. My hubby is another "hands off parent" Hands off meaning he works alot and is not home to make the rules or schedule and when he tries to help really (sometimes) messes things up. I am when we got married we bought a house in a neighborhood filled with Older people and I was alone all the time, bored and lonely. I hated it. Now with the birth of my daughter those same feelings have stirred up again. Most of my friends live so far away or are single so they really can't be bothered. I suggest after the weather breaks some trips to the park (you will be amazed on how many other moms you will find with kids your age there alone and feeling the same way you do), library (as she ges older) may have a baby book club for mom's and kids the older parents don't come as much it is more based to the younger parents, and even your baby's doctor's office (you'd be amazed at how many of my Mommy friends i met at the pedatrician officewaiting to be seen for her check ups).

Nadia - posted on 03/26/2010

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I went through the same thing when my girls were babies. The best way to deal with it is to find and join Moms groups, which include the babies. Keep yourself and your baby occupied. This helps your child learn social skills and keeps you socializing too. Google Moms groups and the name of your city or town and you're sure to find some. Good luck!

Christina - posted on 03/26/2010

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i stay home and my husband and i are expecting our first baby boy in a month!! and i stay by myself 9 hrs a day and every other weekend!! i never go any where and i stay home and do house work and cook and clean and then when we have the baby i will have that added cause he is only going to stay home with me 4 days and them go back to work! but i love my husband very much and i am 25 yrs old! but i dont want to go out and party or anything and i have no family here except my my husbands family all my family is in missouri where i came from which is 5 hrs from us we live in illiniois!! but i love my life i just wish i had more time with my husband but i am guessing for me no time is enough for me!! a lil time is better than none!!

Erika - posted on 03/26/2010

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There were times, when I felt like that. Are there any Moms Clubs you can join nearby. We have one in my area. There's get togethers every week. None of my friends are in the same place that I am in my life, just like you. Just know that you're doing the best thing by staying home with your Baby. Message me if you ever want to chat.

Hope this helps a bit.

Erika
http://www.4MyFamilyandMe.com

Christy - posted on 03/26/2010

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There's a mom's club group in every community and the yearly fees are SUPER cheap, like 25 bucks a year. There are events all the time, and playgroups you can join with other moms your age. I am in one and Iove it. I know you are feeling. I was so depressed before I joined this group. Even if you meet ONE mom you click with, you have met someone. They have a website : http://www.momsclub.org/

Sonja - posted on 03/26/2010

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i was the same way...and actually feeling the same way not to long ago. all my girlfriends are single and get to do what they want...i start to think what would it be like for me to be single and have a weekend to my self..when i told my boyfriend of 5 years and the father of my 2 girls what i was thinking..he started making time for me weather it was sitting down watching a movie with me and staying up a little longer than usual or goin out to a movie that we havent doen in a few years. i told him what i was thinking and he really realized how hard it has been for me to drop everythign i had before my kids and be a stay at home mother of 2. it wasnt easy. talk to your man and tell him you need some adult time and see where it goes from there. i am a 23 year old mother of a 4 year old and a 17 month old.

Lynn Stern - posted on 03/26/2010

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It is sooo hard in the beginning. First when nursing, I just wanted my boobs back. Then the lonely hours. It will get better as she gets bigger. I do suggest looking around town for small play groups. If you live near a Nordstrom- I have heard great relationships have been built by meeting other moms in the restroom while they are nursing. Just get you and the baby out, to start meeting people. Also, check other online communities. And ohhh your local library for activities.

Rachel - posted on 03/26/2010

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i feel sooo alone also. trust me ur not alone. i dont have alot of friends either and i dont drive so its hard to get around. alot of the friends i do have live out of state so i never really get to see them. my husband worked all the time to on a farm. then he quit his job and dont work but is still never home. it sucks when it seems like ur best friend is ur child. but at the same time its lovely.

Karen - posted on 03/25/2010

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If you haven't already join Netmums and sign up to your local area it is great and loads of people in your local area looking to make new friends and enjoy your children meeting new friends. Also find out if you have a Sure start centre near very useful and always something to get involved in like baby massage, music time etc...

Stephanie - posted on 03/25/2010

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When I was first home with my son (who was extremely colicky) I was very alone. It is a whole different world. I also had no friends with babies...so it is hard to break in to that world. But if you have any interest in doing baby and me exercise classes, I found that to be really rewarding as well as a way to establish a schedule. I do Stroller Strides (www.strollerstrides.com) and LOVE it, so you might check for that or any other baby and me exercise classes in your area.

Alyssa - posted on 03/25/2010

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Definitely. I just met another mom who has a 3 yr old autistic child. She is a great person and completely understands how it feels. It's tough though when all of your friends are out doing other things. I'll hear about their nights out at the club or at a party and I'm like "Uh...I gave B a bath and then put him to bed and cleaned the house!" Hehe. I've just decided to live vicariously through them. :P A good idea would be to find a good babysitter (if you can afford it) and once a month you and your husband get out and go do something you feel would make you feel like yourself again. It's rough being "mom" all day. I know I've started to wonder when I became the woman who changes diapers, watches cartoons and cooks instead of the woman who had fun and went out on a whim.

[deleted account]

if your family or friends are not close by, skype helps. My best friend txt daily and now skype and talk about our day n watch our kids interact w each other. My husband is deployed and even thou I'm in my hometown I dont get out much. I visit my friends n godparents at their work or business for lunch dates since i'm yhe only SAHM. I also go to a babycafe i found by my lactation cosultant. It's great to see my son watch all the other kids. good luck!

Julie - posted on 03/25/2010

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You should try meetup.com, my husband and I moved a year ago with a 4 month old. I am staying home so I found it very difficult to make new friends. Meetup has mom. Groups, but it also has other things. If all else fails make plans to leave the house every day, coffee shop, grocery shopping, anything you want or need to do. Be open to meeting people and you might.

Christina - posted on 03/25/2010

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I know how you feel. I got pregnant with our daughter when I was 23 and had her just after my 24th birthday. My husband can be gone up to 8 months out of the year...he's a pilot in the Air Force...and when he's not deployed...he's not here much either. I didn't know many people initially, but just forced myself to get out with my daughter. I was taking her on hikes, running, going out to eat...by myself...etc. from when she was 6 weeks old...it really helps with your sanity!

Yashika - posted on 03/25/2010

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30+ moms aren't so bad. Try having a conversation with them. Many of them may be in the same situation. Set up play dates also try to get out to other events beside swimming. Local libraries always free story times you can go to. And if you live in the district all the museums are free. Museums may seem a bit much for your little one, but remember it's about YOU and the baby and it allows you to get out of the house.

Carmel - posted on 03/25/2010

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hi i know what your talking about. ive a 8 month old boy Ryan. My husband is gone away for 4 months with the army, It is hard work on your own. But u have to leave the house go for a walk or window shopping, And better still go back to work part time or if u were not working look for some thing a few hours just to get a break. i started back at work 3 weeks ago 2 days and its great my neighbour minds my son and your more orginaised because i found myself leaving everything for tomorrow.
hope this helps u!!

Row - posted on 03/24/2010

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search the internet for mothersgroups in your area we joined one when my son was 3 months old and it made such a difference i have met so many wonderful mums

Lin - posted on 03/24/2010

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oh and these mother and baby groups are for newborns to round school ages so your baby isnt too young. forget the shyness that comes with asking and going for the first time cause once you go the first time your gonna wonder why you never taught of it ages ago. the mothers in mine and the others in the area ages range from as young as 19 to grand parents bringing their grandkids so its a big mixture so no matter what age you are your bound to find at least a few friends your own age. hope this helps you take care

Lin - posted on 03/24/2010

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hiya i felt the same as you my situation was almost identical to yours i could have written this myself. do you wanna know what i did. i asked the health nurse about mother and baby groups in the area they were all full so i suggested starting my own not in my home or any thing but in the health centre.she taught it was a great idea. she had all the contacts of mothers and babies and spread the word and i was too shy to do it alone so she asked one of the mothers that goes to see her to do it with me and she agreed. we set a start date and i havnt looked back. firstly weather you start your own in the area or weather you go to one already set up(ask in your local health centre or primary school)i found it saved my life. for me i got to met like minded people all ages for gossip, advice, chats, laughs, exchange stories etc made lots of friends some now are best friends for life. i still have my old friends but ive made wat i call mammy friends who understand. we are so friendly now we even pop round for cups of tea in each others houses which got rid of the lonliness of not having people call to me anymore before this. as for my little girl who is now 18 months old. she has really come along in herself.dhe gets to play with lots of different toys she is learning to socialize, take turns, share, play with kids her age, be gentle to kids younger, she has made frends aswell and has stopped being shy and making strange with people. she now a little granny and has more friends than me. i have a social life again because of her. and her because of me. we both get something out of it. plus her little face when her friends call in with their mams for a cuppa tea is so lovely to see. you should try it. youve nothing to loose.

Erika - posted on 03/24/2010

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You should try joining your local Moms Club. It is a great way to meet other moms and they put you in a playgroup based on your baby's age. They also have weekly/monthly fun events along with park dates. Below is a link to Moms Club where you can look up your location.

http://www.momsclub.org/

Hope this helps!

[deleted account]

I was alone the first 2 months, hubs had to leave for training. It was awful my family was 45 min away but its so hard to travel with babies. try meetup.com

Bethany - posted on 03/24/2010

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hi, definately don't let a person's age influence you. Even if their kids are a bit older or younger than yours, you can look forward to their stages, or encourage the mums that have younger kids.

We're all just chicks trying to muddle through and make the best decisions for us and our kids.

I do find it hard, though, to base a friendship purely on the fact we both have kids. So, the more people you interact with, the more likely you are to strike someone you click with. And don't feel bad if you don't click with someone, we can't be everything to everyone, and that's ok. Just keep being friendly, and listen before you speak, because you know how we all love the opportunity to tell our stories.

I'm lucky that one of my best friends had a baby 7 weeks before me, so we've been a comfort to each other, but other than that, it's been library story time group, walking group, church group that has turned up some friendly aquaintances. (I don't go to that church, just to the playgroup)

I don't expect to meet my best friend, or even a close friend, just someone nice to have a coffee and a chat with is enough. Then, if not too many differences come up, go from there.

Kate - posted on 03/24/2010

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hi, i know wot u mean i felt the same as u wen i had my first, i was only 15 and all my friends were at skool or college or uni n i was at home alone. the best thing about it tho is that i spent alot of time with my daughter and now we r the best of friends, she is 10 next month and i absolutely adore her. It does get easier, even if ur friends have no kids, on their day off work meet 4 a shopping day! baby in pram take sum toys just in case of tiny tantrums. wen my daughter started full time school i felt more human agen, gotta job went out on my days off with friends it was great! i now have a great 2 year old daughter and things have slowed down in my life again. I have great friends who love my kids to bits, and alot of them r over 30! dont worry about age, every1 is the same! i hope things work out for u, remember u mite b lonely for awhile but wen u look into ur daughters eyes n she smiles at u, its all been worth it. x

Cheri - posted on 03/23/2010

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Oh... yes. I have been a stay at home mom for 4.5yrs now and I'm only 23. And have 2 kids a 1yr old that crys and has tanstram all the time. Then a 4yr old that is all additude. Then to top it off 2 huge puppies. That eat everything! I have no car and no friends. I very rearly ever leave the house or even get to talk to another adult besides my mom on the phone. But thats a joke. Alot of the time I just want to put my head through a wall. I've had brake downs. Were I cry unstop or just wish that someone would call me or come over something anything. But no know one ever dose. I think after a while you just learn to deal with it. It sucks but it is the life I chose. But really if you have someone to talk to of any age go for it! Everything would go much better.

[deleted account]

Been there. Do you have family near? I didnt and I just kept myself busy with my kid but it sure did get lonely and i lived that way for three years. I kept a journal and learned to ask my husband for an outing on Sundays when he didnt work. It seemed to help. we went on pic nics and walks and stuff like that when it wasnt bitter cold or snowing. Eventually i met some other moms after attending play dates in the community and I attended a bible study which opened up other doors for other moms to meet. looking back I dont know how i managed for those three years. I had no support at all other than my hubby.

[deleted account]

There are plenty of resources out there for SAHM. Check out MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) although it is wrapping up until Sept. It has a wonderful assortment of moms and we do things outside of MOPS, there is also a website momslikeme.com that offers outings for moms and also w/ families all for FREE, there are area churches that have moms groups. There are groups in the lansing area called meet up I think you can google search meetup.com for the Lansing area. Not sure of the website but they also have moms groups.
The moms groups I am in or have been in have saved my sanity. I can't not say enough positive things about them. Another thing I have done is prayed for close friends. Prayer is powerful.

Julie - posted on 03/21/2010

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I used to feel the same way until I searched out all the groups in my area so now every morning I have something different to do- coffee group, play groups, kids gym, story time at the library, music and movement. I found there was actually heaps out there once I really started looking. Try out local schools, librarys, churches, gyms etc and ask them if they have anything suitable. You will meet all sorts of new people (of varying ages too!)
Good luck

Samantha - posted on 03/20/2010

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i know how you feel. I really love my 3 children and they're my life but sometimes the problem is they're my life and nothing else. Like you, my husband never seems to be home and all my friends (even the ones with kids) are partying all the time. All i can say is that you will one day you will have the best friend ever cause my mum is mine and when i get lonely i think of all the people that are partying and feel sorry for them cause if they had children and could feel the love i feel for mine partying would come last every day of the week!!!

Amber - posted on 03/19/2010

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I can relate 110%!! I am a new stay at home mom of my 1.5 month old daughter. My husband is active duty Air Force. We are stationed in New Mexico, but all of my friends and family are living up in Minnesota. We have been in New Mexico for just shy of 2 years, but I only have two real friends down here, both of them are in their 30's (one is almost 40) and I'm 22. I don't have any friends my own age down here, but I have two great friends who have been there for me during my pregnancy and now while she is born. If it wasn't for my only two friends (one a mother of two beautiful little girls and one who is single with no kids) I would be so lonely. My best advice for you is to give everyone a chance and hangout with them because you like them and their kids... and leave age out if it. Yea, it would be really nice to have friends that are you age, but I've learned that hanging out with the women who are older than you have a more life experiences and can really help you and your family out with advice! They were your age once too, so they know what it is like.

Tanya - posted on 03/19/2010

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I think most stay at home moms feel kinda the same as you. I know I do.. I had many friends but now I'm a mother of 3 and a wife and choose to stay home. Friends are nowhere to be found. Most my friends also from high school are single with no children and some have moved away. When I had my oldest daughter they tried to be involved and include me but I had to be mom and wasn't always avalible to "hang out" as I pleased when I was asked I had to find a sitter (one I trusted!!!) and a that got old to my friends real qucik.. So they pretty much slowly dissaperared.. lol.. I have tried to find friends but it's hard because you are now looking for a friend to be into what you are into (and now that involves being a mom and a busy one at most times) you are also looking for someone with children your kids ages so that your kids can play together while you have an actual adult converstaion with someone.. Plus you would like them to have simular parenting style as yours.. I know I have a friend our daughers are pretty much the same age but she is such a different parent then me I try to teach my children understanding and I am loving to my children but she has chosen to yell and curse at her children and so that was just not going to work for me.. I knew this girl from high school we just grew apart because we are different parents.. My closest friend now is turning 43 this month she is married (she has been divorced) her child is 22 (I am a few years older then he is...lol) but she understands my BUSY life. She is there when i need her. She can give me some advice because she has been there. She understands that I can't just decided to hang out all the time so she usually plans a bbq and invites my husband and me and the kids over we get together to go out for bdays mostly.. Her husband and my husband get along for the most part.. I find that men have to have something in common my husband and her husband are both hard working men with full time careers and stay at home wifes plus they like sports and music and have dedicated there lifes to there families... I was questioning this friendship when this first started too I was like how can I have a friend with not everything in common and not even around my age but we have a good time it's fun and sometimes you find friends in the strangest places you may want to give some of the women in the swimming class a chance hang out just once you'll know if the friendship is there it can't hurt... have fun looking a friend I am still looking for a friend that has children and is more my age but I'm having fun with my friend who is older too it helps a lot..

Juliet - posted on 03/19/2010

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I totally understand what you're talking about. I was 25 when I had my first baby and it was hard because I felt almost left out that I was always at home while my friends (I felt as though) were out doing more interesting things. It really does get lonely. Luckily I have my mother who's extremely supportive living close by...do you have any relatives? They really help a lot and offer lots of much needed support. My husband also works a lot and I can really only see him saturday evenings and on sunday. We made a promise to at least have a family day on sunday. We go out on picnics when the days are nice, go to the beach, or even have a chill day at the mall. That kind of helped with releasing the stress I got from being alone. Hang in there! Everything will get better as your child grows.She'll be your adoring, extra cute company...soon she'll be running around and you'll be too busy chasing after her to know about any lonely times.

Bella - posted on 03/19/2010

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Thanks everyone for your replys, I guess I should give older women a chance and I know one day I'll probably meet another SAHM that needs another SAHM friend. It's just all so new for me and so different then any way I've ever lived.

Chasity - posted on 03/19/2010

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Well, I am 30,and have been a mom since I was 18.Trust me, it doesnt get any easier,even after so many years.I havent had a close friend since I was a teen.It's hard to find someone that has the same interests as me.Its also hard to find a couple that my husband and I both like.I would kill to have one friend to do things with that doesnt mind that my kid may tag along.I have noone to talk to.Right now my husband is my best friend.Dont get me wrong,I love my husband,but it would be nice to have a woman to call my best friend.

Stephanie - posted on 03/19/2010

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I agree with Faith and Alina. It is hard being a young sahm but sometimes making friends with the older moms is definitely a good idea. :) I had my twins at age 20. Hubby did his student teaching that year, plus working 3 part-time jobs. He only came home to sleep, and I spent most of my time alone with two babies.
Nowadays I'm 28, and most of my friends are in their mid-30's and have kids the same ages as mine. I discovered that as long as our kids were roughly the same age that I had plenty in common with the older moms. Most just assumed we were of similar age unless I happened to mention it. heheheh...

Alina - posted on 03/19/2010

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Try talking to some of those 30+ moms - we're not too bad :) I understand completely what you're going through. Being in a house with a new baby, a husband working 10+ hours and then going to the gym, not having any friends who were SAHMs - it got so lonely for me. And then we moved to a new State, so I had to start all over again and go through being pregnant with our daughter with no one to talk to, go places with, etc. Meeting other women who stay home is such a rarity for me, especially since I'm 35 and have two small children. Most people here think I'm crazy! But thank God last year I met two women. We're all different ages, the other two have four children and I only have two, but we're all SAHMs and understand each other. My one friend is Af-American, the other Arabic. But we have common ground that makes age, culture and background disappear. Try getting out of your comfort zone at swim class - you might find there are women who are looking for a friend, just like you are. The Library during story time is another great way to meet SAHMs.

Faith - posted on 03/19/2010

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I don't have advice for meeting more ppl, but I hear ya! I am now one of those almost 30 moms (2 more yrs, yikes!) but I remember when I had my first and I was barely 20. All my friends were out and about too. I remember the best thing was I really concentrated on my lil man and family ties. Its hard when you feel like your absolutely alone, isolated and dying for some "big ppl interaction." Worst part always seemed to me was that the young moms were single and always working, and only the older moms were the ones with time to go to baby classes. :p

As we all say it does get easier and busier over time.

Remember to get your hubby to help out so you can have some you time.

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