Am I a bad Mom? Hi, i have a four year old and a two year old and they are driving me soooooo crazy! I stopped work'n when my two yr old was about one and it so hard cause I have always worked and went to school and work during both of my pregnancy. I am not a at homer. Single parenting only allows me and a recent tramatic nervous breakdown weighs so heavy. I am still hang'n in school cause i want the world for my babies, but it gets so hard and overwhelming because i get no break. i literally am with my babies 24/7 everday. I recently got somewhat of a break when my four ur old started pre k this past fall - yet he is such a handful. he never listens. i repeat myself three to four times- then i end up yell'n - then scream'n and at times whipping him after time out fails. i started spank'n him at two. on the legs or the hand. i feel so incredibly awful afterwards especially when he is asleep. he hits my two yr old. he hits at me at times. he hits other kids. i love him. i give my babies evetything and i go without. i feel i do scream too much but i hate spanking and i don't just go there. it takes something awful for me to spank . i talk to him. I try to give all my time. i can't ever have a moment of me. i just six months ago got out of a physical and mental abusive situation that my babies where exposed to but saw me as the only target. i have suffered from a minor stroke - bell's palsy shortly before i had my four year old due to my personal ties to my abuser. i have gone through abuse as a teenager at the hands of this person and because the petson is a close family member i never realized it was abuse until i had my kids and i saw that the tolls of things being brought on me were effecting them. i was so emotionally broken. i am better now but because i am out of that situation and for good. i made moves times before. i had my own place pregnant and my one year old on my hip while full time work and full time school. i found out my second pregnancy was high risk. i struggled with a baby whose organs weren't growin normally. I prayed and kept going. i had my daughter by an unexpected early delivery. the blessing is she was tiny- but she came out okay. i moved back home to my parents who practically begged me to. i didnt want to but i thought maybe things had change and i let my independent proud guard down for what i thought was better for my kids. what i hoped and prayed had changed - cause every child never stops loving a parents or believing in that parent- turned out not to be true as the many times times before. i felt the world pumble all over me. broken. i still hate myself for so many reasons that are obvious and so many countless others. it a emotional caving in on me and God is my only strength and hope. i feel like i am an awful mom alot of times. i feel like a good one at others when i see the glowing in my childten because they stand out in theor each indiviual remarkable way. they are smart and witty and charming and strong and beautiful. i look at them and i know that God is real. My babies have each one of those qualities in them and many more amazing ones because carrying them in my belly- everyday- through all my strife- i asked God that they be each of the amazing things that they are. They are so much more than i ever imagine. i just wanna be the best mom because they are my bestest gift.

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Carrie - posted on 01/05/2013

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You're not a bad mom. Being a mom is a hard task, and it's not unheard of for things to be rough while learning to cope with life as well as children. Some things that helped me with decisions I've made/were considering making was books. While they're not always easy to read, and tend to hit tough subjects - I'll give you a few titles that have specifically helped me out. If you are able to read them maybe it'll benefit you too.

Loving your Child is not enough,
I'm OK - You're OK (by Thomas A. Harris, M.D.)
Let the Journey Begin (Max Lucado) - God's roadmap for new beginnings

I'll refer other books as I see a need for it - but those are a few that seem might help at least ^^ Anything else you could try? - one thing you could do is try out one of my favorite things to do. I play an oriental board game for the concepts it carries, and how much it seems to help me cope with problems in real life. it's called "Go" and I play it on gokgs.com. While not everyone sees this game as a useful concept, I have learned much from it in the 5 years I've been in it. It has helped me handle things as a better person, and improve myself without worrying about the chaos of learning about myself. (since a board game can easily be cleared, it isn't as painful as learning the lessons in real life.)

I hope some of this helps, these are just a few ways I've found helped me in the past with similar feelings. Most of all, take care of yourself - especially with stress, children tend to reflect what's around them, so if you give them something positive to reflect, you'll see a positive change in them. Sometimes it just takes a few months for the change to take effect (look up water crystals for this concept, it might help a bit more)

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