Am I a bad mum?

Laura - posted on 12/18/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ok, here it goes
I am 23 married and have to boys aged 4 and 2 1/2. And I am finding I am always yelling at my children, don't get me wrong I love them dearly, but there are days they drive me up the wall. I find I just want to be by myself, I just want to be able to do things I did before I had kids, draw, sleep, surf the web, read, watch tv, exercise. Anything. And I feel like I can't do anything. I try to do things and am constantly stopping because the kids are fighting, falling over, hungry something is always stopping me, which makes me angry, frustrated and upset. I've been told by a family member I need to just grow up and realise that I am a mother now. I know this, but I just don't know how. In my head I know what a good mother is, but putting it into practise. . . That's another story.
I know all my kids want is for me to love and spend time with them, and I do love them, but everytime we go out and do stuff together, it ends up with me getting angry, frustrated and wishing we didn't bother going. Im finding that the sound of them crying just makes me so, "arghhhhhh, not again, just stop crying." This is so unfair to my babies, I know they deserve so much more, someone who gets up every morning and greets them with love and spends the day with them, includes them in daily routines.
What do I do

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Coley - posted on 12/20/2012

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I feel you. The best advice I ever took was from my mother in law, "include him in everything, and have a routine". I have timers set throughout the day to help keep things on some kind of schedule. Feeding the dog, getting ready for preschool, starting dinner, laundry, etc. For spare time, I set up a drawing table for my 3yr old son right next to my drafting desk, so he can draw with mom, while we talk about our pictures. If I'm sleepy, we cuddle and watch cartoons for a bit after I feed him. When its laundry time, he helps load and unload, and it gives me an opportunity to teach him how to sort and match. When the dog's feeding reminder rings, he measures out the dog food and pours it. I like to workout with the Xbox kinect, and my son thinks its hilarious to jump around and "help mom win", so we cheer each other on and just have fun. During all this, he gets attention, blows off extra energy, learns how to properly perform important daily tasks, and stays in my sight and out of trouble. Other things (like reading or watching recorded tv) usually happen after 9pm when he goes to bed for the night. Good luck, and have fun.

[deleted account]

You're not a bad mom, you just need some time for yourself--WE ALL DO! Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.

You need to take one hour a day and dedicate it completely to yourself. The best time for this would be about 30 minutes after you tuck the little ones in for the night--they are least likely to disturb you once they are asleep. Don't clean or catch up on emails--grab your sketchbook and draw or write, read a book. exercise. If you still have things to do before you can go to bed, set a timer for 1 hour so that you will be able to relax without worrying about the time. That said, I suggest leaving anything not done by 9pm for tomorrow (except cleaning the kitchen, obviously, that must be done at night, but anything else can wait). If you have a long, good night's sleep, you will be more relaxed with your kids and yell less.

Lastly, I suggest these 2 books:
The Anger Habit in Parenting (Carl Semmelroth)--this book will help you understand your own anger and provide ways to cope with it, keep it under control, and cut it out of your life.

Playful Parenting (Lawrence Cohen)--this book gives you great tools for working with and understanding your kids. I found that ideas from this book greatly reduced the friction between my son and I that was causing so much of my anger

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Karla - posted on 12/19/2012

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It's not just you,I have 2 boys ,ages 15 & 12 and they drive me crazy all the time. So,I know how
you feel. It's always something,fighting or something.
What I do is tell I'm not talking to them and give myself a timeout. I love my boys,but,they are
wild.
I hope this helps you out a little.

User - posted on 12/19/2012

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First things first....breath...when things are all hectic step back and breath...and just don't let your self get all worked up over things. Trust me I'm 25 and have a 29month girl and a 17month old son and things are CRAZY but I've learned you have to pick your battles or you will just be angry all the time.i find myself if none hurt or in danger ..i just laugh and I notice I appreciate things a little more. Just try to laugh instead of scream..

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