am i alone.?

Brandis - posted on 12/23/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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okay so im a 22 year old stay at home mom....my husband is 24 and works as a massage therapist and he makes enough for me not to work but i should work to help get out of debt from school....idk if this a a phobia i have or something but sometimes at night i lay in bed awake for hours thinking about "what would i do if something happened to my husband?" sometimes i feel like im in constant fear or worry or stress over it...because idk what i would do...it honestly terrifies me...we love him so much and he's so vital and important to us...he's the reason we have food shelter clothes etc etc...and if he's gone i feel like i wouldnt be able to do it with out him..i worry about something happening to him that i basically demand that he call me the minute he gets to work and the minute he leaves and usually i stay on the phone with him his entire way home...if he's out or whatever and i txt him and he doesnt respond in a reasonable time..i freak out and immediately worry....does any other stay at home moms worry about something happening to their husbands and what they would do if it did??? ive expressed how i feel to my husband and he always reassures me that he's safe and fine...he's such a positive person..and i cant seem to think that way....

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Teresa - posted on 01/02/2010

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Brandis, you are not alone. I have been married to my husband for 20 years and still worry about him. He drives alot during the day and I do worry constantly about him being involved in an accident. I know it's something I can't change or prevent, but I still worry about it.

I can tell you that putting all that worry on yourself is not good for you, especially for your health. I have always been a very sensitive type of person and I tended to worry and stress about things. In the long run, it has affected my health in a way I never would have imagined. So much so that I was forced to quit my job and stay home. Stress is anyones biggest enemy, whether it be from job stress or the constant worrying about someone you love or things you cannot prevent.

As many here has already mentioned, getting a life insurance policy can be a good step. It will help with any financial stress, God forbid, something should happen to your husband.

Have you ever considered working from home? Like being your own boss? You didn't mention how many children you have, but daycare and the cost of working outside your home can be very expensive and could eat up much of your salary if you were to find a job. I work from home now due to my illness, which was brought on by stress. I am no longer able to deal with the pressures and stress of working outside the home for someone else. I don't know if you'd be interested, but I'd be happy to help you get some details about what I do. It would take about 30 minutes over the phone.

Working from home would allow you to be home for your children, help contribute to your household income, and provide financial stabilty, if something should ever happen. There are many tax advantages for a home business owner, such as deductions for portions of your home expenses and utilites. I don't sell or distribute anything, but I do market safer household products for our company. Contact me anytime if you'd like to learn more.

Best Wishes to You and Your Family and Have a Blessed New Year!

Teresa

Anna - posted on 01/02/2010

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I would say;if you don't know Jesus;get yourself a Bible,find a church that preaches the pure Word of God;and give your life to Jesus! He is the only One that can give you peace and rest in your Spirit.If you serve God then you know that He will never fail you! Bad things do happen to all of us once in awhile;but we cannot live in constant fear and anxiety or it will destroy us;and I know that if I would not have faith in a God that can and will take care of me then I would constantly worry too.I do think about it once in awhile "what I would do should something happen to my husband?"But I don't usually worry about it,because I know that God is in control and He has promised to take care of His children.So,get to know Jesus (He loves you,He died for you & rose again to give you new life in Him and He has many promises in His Word that He will never leave us nor forsake us and He will take care of us). Worry is a sin,because it is unbelief (when you are worrying you are not trusting and believing in God).God loves you dear and He wants to set you free from your worries! Check out jsm.org and listen to sonlife radio!!!! They preach the Truth that will set you free!!!

Callinda - posted on 01/01/2010

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You should definately consider life insurance. I am a SAHM too, and if anything happened to my husband (or me for that matter coz then he would be raising them alone), I would hate to think that we could lose our house and not be able to put our kids through private school. It is actually more affordable than you might think, but you need to take a lot into account to be fully covered (we have enough to get a lump sum to pay out the mortgage, and a balance to be invested to give an annual income that will cover the kids school fees for 13 years each and cover most of the living costs).

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I humbly suggest a program called Financial Peace University. I'm not promoting a business or any such thing. I'm a stay at home mother too. Following the steps of this program decreased my anxiety in a way I never thought would happen. Remember you are a capable adult as well. If working fits into your family with out the cost for daycare eating you pay check than do what you can now to start saving money. Put that money into a separate saving account and you will be self insured for emergencies. Having life insurance is good, but companies can go under. Knowing I have an emergency account that I can count on has eased my mind. If your willing to make sacrifices (fast food, concert tickets, etc) you can save quite a bit.

Maura - posted on 01/03/2010

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Dear Brandis, I am sorry if what I say isn't what you want to hear. I think that this worrying is excessive and that you should speak to a behavioral psychologist. Excessive, irrational worry can become an anxiety disorder and/or OCD. They can help you with strategies for minimizing your worry. The fact that you speak to your husband on the phone while he is driving is an indication that your worry is more about you than about him, since you are actually endangering him while he drives. Talking on a cell phone and texting/reading text while driving is becoming one of the top causes for auto accidents and deaths. You are so focused on what will happen to you if he dies and not what will happen to him that I believe your worrying is a problem. All stay at home moms worry about the risk of depending on someone, but the behavior you describe is excessive. Sorry, but I do think you should speak to a professional. Good luck.

Sandra - posted on 01/02/2010

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The debt never ends! You are doing what's right for your child. Life is complicated enough, you need to take a look at what you have and understand that your wasting your time worrying rather than enjoying your blessings. I've been in your position once before. You don't want to live in anxiety. You miss out on the simple things in life. Our first child was a full-term stillbirth and kicked me into severe anxiety. My second son came along and I couldn't enjoy him. I was too busy worrying about losing him and my husband. When I stopped worrying and started smelling the flowers life changed for me dramatically!



Blessings,

San

Lisa - posted on 01/02/2010

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I'm the same way to an extent, I don't know what I would do without my hubby. In fact it's getting to the point where I'll have to do something soon because he is currently laid off and we're not sure when his union hall will call again, they're talking about fall! I don't worry myself sick over it though... you may need to find a way to help yourself relax on that subject, I would seriously think of your options & talk to your hubby & start to form a plan. That may be the only way to set your mind at ease. Good luck, mama! You can do it!

[deleted account]

Do something you enjoy to distract your mind from thinking about the unthinkable. My husband works nights and many times I fall asleep on the couch at 1 or 2 am from exhaustion. I don't want to turn off the tv or computer and get in bed because thats when my mind wonders.I pray a lot too but I know not everyone shares my beliefs. Also, get life insurance. Even a small policy could tide you over for a year or two if something aweful were to happen.

Veronica - posted on 01/01/2010

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Get an online degree if you don't already have one. That way if, God forbid, something did happen to him you will always have your degree to fall back on. You could still be home for your family while you do it and go at your own pace. The government is offering all sorts of incentives for moms to go back to school. I am in your boat and considering finishing my degree and I found that just making that goal liberated me from those worries. Good luck hun...

Nora - posted on 01/01/2010

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i used to worry.. when you are dependant on someone for everything it makes you vunerable. it is scary, but i can tell you if something happened to him you would see how strong you are. when you have a child you do what you have to so you survive. i found out i could take care of things, and it really surprised me!

Brittney - posted on 12/31/2009

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i worry about my husband too i dont worry about the finances so much but that i wouldnt want to live without him i would do it 4 my kids but i wouldnt want to it would break my heart but u have to know that u could do it if u had to u have to have some confidence in urself for instance if something happened to YOU it would b devastating to him im sure, but he would feed and bathe the kids the way u do now and if something did happen u would get a job and raise ur kids also u might have some ocd there, i do i worry about stupid things too much but if it gets intense u can see a doc 4 it

Christy - posted on 12/30/2009

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i agree with the others, get a good insurance policy on your family. it's much more affordable than you think, we have $50k on Travis, $50k on me and $10k on the baby to cover funeral expenses b/c the last thing you want to pay bills for is the death of your child. we have 25 year term policies and only pay $30 p/m and he is a smoker. it makes me feel much better to know that if anything happens to Travis while Alexia is still under my care we will be taken care of and will have the money to survive until i get on my feet.

Maria - posted on 12/29/2009

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Dear Brandis,
You seem like you have a wonderful loving husband who truly cares for you. But even so you still worry about life, as you should. Being a mother involves so much more now right?

But, as some of the other mothers mentioned getting life insurance would be good if you can afford it. If not, discuss your concerns with your extended family, that way you will know what to do if something happened- god forbid- what your options are.

And maybe finding a part-time job would help you calm down? It's tough to depend on one person. I felt the same way when I was pregnant and after having my son. So I understand where you are coming from.

I think you can let go a little bit : )

Good luck!

Brittany - posted on 12/27/2009

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u r not alone. when me and my husband decided I'd quit my job and stay home we got life insurance on both of us. it will ease your mind on what you'd do money wise if something happens to him. Its important to have a plan so that you know you and your kids will be fine.

Robin - posted on 12/24/2009

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I am going through this also. My husband is the only source of income for us. I am going to school, so he doesn't want me to work. I know what you mean about wanting to help make money. I also have a fear of something happening to him. He drives a semi truck for the post office, and in the winter, I am a nervous wreck. We do call each other a lot. I think that this is something that is common with all stay at home moms. The fact that you can talk to him is a great thing, he needs to understand how you feel. My husband is like yours, he always tells me that he will be fine when he goes to work. I think that men can not understand how much we worry. We are moms, that is what we do. You will be able to handle anything that comes your way. God made women to be strong, that is why we have the children, lol. Good luck to you.

Shelby - posted on 12/23/2009

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I use to be the same way until I was reminded that God will always provide for our needs. I have a quit time in the mornings where I read my bible and pray it really makes me feel better and it has helped a lot with the stress. I am a worry wart so I totally understand what your going through but always remember God is there and he will make sure you and your family always have what you need! Good Luck and God Bless!!!

Brandis - posted on 12/23/2009

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my husband always assures me that god will take care of us no matter what and i believe that...he makes me feel safe secure stable sane etc etc its just been within the last few months or so that ive been panicky about this...over the year alot of people have just up and died and it obiviously really affected me

Brandis - posted on 12/23/2009

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having a plan is good...i feel like it does consume me..some days i dont have a care in the world and then other days one little thing happens and then its like one bad thought after another...i mean i worry about our car breaking down and what we would do if that happened..ya know how would my husband get to work and make money...its just stress: part of growing up i guess

Sheryl - posted on 12/23/2009

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ok u are not alone! First thing u need to do is get insurance policies on your family that takes some of the stress away? Things happen for a reason so always remember that and if something does happen then u will figure out a way to handle it. I was a single mom of two boys one with special needs and always in the hospital (I had no family and only 2 friends) my take home pay was 800 to 900 dallors a month and we always made it, we sacrificed but we had what we needed. If it would make u feel better talk to the grandparents on both sides and as a family u can put together a basic plan so u won't worry so much. If u let it consume u u will go crazy and ur family will feel all it affects get counsling if needed. But always remember u will find a way cause u will have to! Good Luck!

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