Am I giving in too much?

Amber - posted on 05/30/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My daughter turned one on the 19th this month. I am a stay at home mom so she sees me the most. Shes going through this clingy stage where sometimes,she doesnt even go to daddy. She cries when she cant see me. All is better when I hold her(maybe Im picking her up too much?) She does walk,but throws tantrums when I dont pick her up when she wants.



Also,I think Im starting a bad habit that I want to break asap. I soothe her with food and sippy cups. She snacks and has milk all day long,so shes not eating really at meal times. Should I reduce the amount of snacks and cups of milk? Any and all suggestions would be great!

16 Comments

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Ameriah - posted on 06/02/2010

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I see some major problems here. It is apparent that you are a loving mom, but you are exposing her to some very bad habits at an early age. If your daughter doesn't learn to stand on her own two feet and interact with others, how is that going to effect her in the long run? With school? With dating? With life in general?
Also, stop soothing her with food. Obesity is a major problem in this country and food can be an addiction (I know, I suffer from it.) I have worked very hard to keep my girls from suffering it. My older girl loves veggies, but my younger step-daughter was allowed to snack when she wanted, etc. Now it is almost impossible to get her to eat a meal and she is getting ready to go into Kindergarten. I have been working on her eating habits for a year now and I still fear that she is going to be a very hungry little girl in the fall.

Alison - posted on 06/01/2010

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My 8 month old daughter is the same, the minute i leave the room and am out of sight she screams. i have discovered that if i sing or talk to her as im walking out the room she loses sight but can still hear me and it stops the crying.you should try this and see if it works for you, might not but is worth a try. also if she can walk/craw then encourage her to come to you when she wants up instead of always going to her. x

Tara Lee - posted on 06/01/2010

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I am a SAHM with a 21month old daughter...unfortunately she has ALWAYS been with me, I think I've been away from her about 6 times in her life...so if I'm not around she wants me...however, when daddy comes home, she wants only him for about 1 - 2 hours, but I still have to be in/around the house, unless he take her for a ride...then she's fine, but if I try to leave...god help whoever I leave her with (including my husband)

I have started leaving her with someone for short periods, a few times a week to try and get her used to being away from me and it seems to be helping

Cherry Mae - posted on 06/01/2010

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this has been the common problem of stay at home moms....like everyone here, its best to let dad spend some quality time with baby. when she's throwing tantrums, you can cradle her but let her see dad so she knows he's just around and that he is a part of their family.. not just her and you...

feed her the time you eat your meals.. then in between hours, you can give her snacks and milk so she eats more during meal times..

i hope this helps..

Jami - posted on 06/01/2010

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my younger two were the SAME! they are now almost 4 and 2. my almost 4y/o wants NOTHING to do with me most days and my 2y/o some days wants me to hold her constantly and some days wants nothing to do with me.

the days go by soooo fast...when I was in your situation I did hold my babies as much as I could. I still do. rarely my YDS will let me hold him and I do so when he does.

This too shall pass and when it does you will miss it.

RE: snacks yes I would reduce snacks. my kids get breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner.

Amber - posted on 05/31/2010

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Thanks everyone sooo much for the suggestions and advice. greatly appreciated. Im giving her less snacks and milk now but she always has a sippy cup of water on a low table. The snacks she eats the most of are bananas,nutrigrain bars and healthy fruit snacks. Im trying to feed her healthy stuff. As far as the clinging to mom goes...shes just a mommas girl (which I love) I just need a break and for her to understand that daddys there for her too. Work in progress I suppose. =)

Becky - posted on 05/31/2010

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i think the only thing you can do is let her have the fit children are very smart and she picked up quick that when she throws a tantrum she gets what she wants the only thing i cld suggest for you to do is show her that throwing a fit isnt going to wrk anymore if she starts doing it walk away or walk her into her bedroom and tell her she can come out when she calms down ....and as for food and snacks all day long she might start to associate food with being happy therefore may start eating her emotions....

Kristin - posted on 05/31/2010

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If you feel you are giving in too much, then don't give in as much. Sometimes she may be tired or really just need a snuggle. But, if it really isn't a good time, tell her so and that you will be with her in just a few minutes. Timers are a wonderful thing here, and for time out in the future.

You've answered your own question about the snacks and sippies. Figure out a reasonable eating schedule/routine and stick to it. Keep it all healthy and water is good anytime. Talk to your pediatrician about what she should be getting over the course of a day and week. It's easier to make sure they are getting all their nutrients if you look at a larger picture than one meal or one day. Some days mine wanted only bread, others were fruit days, others veggies. Kids really only need 16 to 24 ounces of whole milk in a day.

Hope this helps. good luck.

Kelina - posted on 05/31/2010

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My son is going through the same thing. He always wants up especially when i am cooking which is the only time i really can't pick him up. I've tried a few things, one was the snacking but then he didnt't eat much dinner so i switched to putting hi in his highchair and giving him a toy so he could see what i was doing. He always has a sippy cup of water available to him o he only drinks as much as he is thirsty for. When that doesn't work or i can't for whatever reason go get his highchari and bring it into the kitchen i have to let him cry. It sucks, cause he;s such a little heartbreaker and knows exactly how to get what he wants from mommy, but i keep telling him that i love him and he has to let me cook. He's slowly veyr very slowly starting to realize i'm not going to pick him up just becasue he wants it. good thing cause pretty soon i'm going to be too round to pick him up for too long! good luck!

Nicole - posted on 05/31/2010

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I would try to get her to walk with you before she throws a tantrum. Make it fun but I think she is young and just needs her Mommy right now. My kids all went through it and now all they want is Daddy.

I think you answered your own question about the snacks and sippy. Snacks are fine but they should be healthy especially if she is not a great eater. You do not want her to think food is the way to comfort herself. You are doing a great job and trust your gut!

Christy - posted on 05/31/2010

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My daughter is 21 months and she has always been this way. Until recently, I gave her something to drink to soothe her. I put in a blanket as a substitute, and it has worked wonders! However, she DOES want to take it everywhere, which to me is better than the screaming all the time. She prefers me over her Dad, but I think it's something she will grow out of.

Amber - posted on 05/31/2010

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It is a stage however, being a SAHM the "I want mom" part will probably remain for a few years yet. Don't get discouraged. My daughter is now 2 and a half and still most of the time only wants me. My husband has dates with her every Friday(they go swimming) and has been doing this for about 8 months now. So now on Fridays after spending the evening with daddy, he is "allowed" to put her to bed. Every other day it must be me(unless I am not home). Our daughter loves her dad but when she hurts herself or is really excited, she still would prefer me.
The snacking is a tough one to break. I always had a sippy cup of water on a low table she could reach so whenever she was really thirsty she could have that. She couldn't talk at one year old, so having something she could get herself was a good idea. We had a hard time getting her to eat at meals until we almost completely stopped the snacking. One snack between meals should be sufficient(fruit/veg, bread, cheese, something healthy). Good luck

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I think this is just a stage. She'll grow out of it.

As for the snacks, what kind of snacks do you mean? If you're giving her healthy snacks and a cup of milk, I think that's fine. According to nutritionists, and I should know since I went through cooking training before my daughter, it is actually HEALTHIER to eat six small meals, aka snacks, than three big meals. As long as her snacks are healthy, it should be nothing to worry about. Milk is good for young ones, too. I don't think they can ever have too much, but be sure she is drinking some juice or water for good hydration.

Angela - posted on 05/31/2010

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Yes yes, I have gone through this! Oh my goodness. Try to have daddy spend more time with her, he can take her on errands, they can go for a little walk - just little things so the "mommy is better than daddy" stage doesnt last as long as it can! Also, it is so tough to let your child have a fit and do nothing about it (I'm still guilty of giving bottles and sippy cups) but it is important to teach your daughter that having a fit is not the way to get what she wants. Also at this age they can't talk and have a hard time communicating what they want. It's like their brains have developed so they know what they want or need and know they need you to fulfill that desire - but they have no way of communicating that to you. I believe that is the #1 reason for fits around this age. Still, it's important to stay strong and not give in to all her wants. In the hospital a nurse said something that hit me in a good way and really stuck - "You need to be the one in control" - and its really true - they are too little to be the ones deciding what they get. So try to be strong and only give her the snacks and drinks at appropriate times when they won't interfere with meal times, let her have tantrums (it helps her develop copping skills), and of course push more daddy daugher time! Good luck!



Now, if only I can take my own advise!

Jane - posted on 05/31/2010

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it's a stage. she'll grow out of it. just keep close by so she learns that you're there but not breaking your back by keeping her w/you all of the time. and kids go through so many eating phases. she won't starve. try lessening the snacks and less milk and see if she gets interested in other foods. but they can be so picky at times b/c of teething that is pretty much happening all of the time.

Amanda - posted on 05/30/2010

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My son is almost 18 months and we had this problem around the same age. Like you, I too am a stay at home mum so Angus spends 90% of his time with me. I know it seems 'easier' to just pick her up & giver her what she wants but thats not going to benefit you, her or daddy. It caused real strain on our relationship over time because I was always tired and angry that he wouldnt go to his dad and so I felt like I was carrying the load by myself. It will be hard to ignore her, but it gets easier (as horrible as that sounds) over time. Try not to give into her demands and temper tantrums, shes just testing you and seeing how far she can push. I hope something I've said has been helpful x

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