am I just kidding myself?

Nayuribe - posted on 06/25/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )




we're both 27 yo, have been together for 5 ys, and have 2 wonderful daughters. he's been saying he wants to marry me for 5 ys, yet, NOTHING! shouldn't I atleast have an engagement ring by now? i mean, he does have money for his toys and a big tv, i think in 5 ys he could of atleast saved up for a crapy ring, right??
whenever he mentions getting married, I answer with a "haha, sure, whatever!" and then he gets mad and "why don't u believe me?"
C'MON!!!!! would u believe him??? i mean, IF he REALLY wanted to marry me, we would be by now. i guess want some kind of commitment, it did take him a few months before he decided to live with us (me and my 2 girls) instead of his "mummy" .
am i kidding myself or should i go along with it? and how much longer should i put up with the "getting married" comments, even though it's never gonna happen?


Kelly - posted on 06/27/2010




I think it is time for you to take action. If you feel strongly that you should be married, then you do the asking. Maybe more firmly than "will you marry me sometime?"; maybe this requires something along the lines of "how about we get married at _____ place a month from next Tuesday at 2:00 in the afternoon?" HAHA, you know what I mean. It appears to be up to you to set the ball in motion. Then, if he starts making excuses to put it off, you have to decide whether you can face living with this man forever without wedding vows. Only you can make that decision. One thought on the wedding, I personally wouldn't set a date months and months in the future, and do some huge wedding. You have lived together for all this time, and you have two children. Something small and tasteful and SOON would probably be more appropriate (and give him less chance to back out). Good luck to you! Hope it works out the way you want!

Shayna - posted on 06/26/2010




I think it's ridiculous to demand your man to marry you, or you're moving on! If your happy with your life (and you must be if you're wanting to marry him) then go on living it, and enjoying every day you have with him. Who is to say next week, month, or year he won't pop the question? You've been together for five years, and live together that is a huge commitment right there, why stress over a signed paper?!

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, engaged for 2. We haven't even made any definite plans on a wedding. We're more prioritized with building our home, our careers & family for the time being.. I know how un traditional right?! But at least I'm happy as can be, I adore my life & that's all the matters!

[deleted account]

Is being married important to you? If it is then you need to tell him your to him; he might be scared.....maybe there are some legitimate reasons or maybe he has some concerns....either way, you guys should talk about it!

I've been with my boyfriend for going on 8 years now and we have a beautiful baby girl, Roxanne.....getting married isn't on my priority list so for me it's not a big deal and it's hard for me to understand where you're coming from? Is it the ring that you want? What does MARRIAGE mean to you? Be honest with yourself and stay true to who you are....if it's a deal breaker then maybe it's time to move on?!?

Carolee - posted on 06/26/2010




Ummm... sorry, but it's probably not going to happen untill you tell him EXACTLY why you don't believe his "getting married" comments. Even after that, it might not change. I told my (now) husband, when we started dating, that if he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry me within the first year, he didn't truly want me. Well, it turned out that he wanted me that badly.

Point is, sometimes you just have to be ultra-blunt with men. If marriage is a big deal for you, then give him a deadline. If it doesn't matter to you if you get married or not, don't bother and tell him that you want to stay together but not get married. Lots of couples do that. It really just comes down to how important being married is to you. Good luck.


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Shalah - posted on 06/26/2010




I've been with my 2nd husband for 8 years in october, but we didn't get married until last year in August. He moved in with me and my 5 kids that long ago, and always told me he wasn't the marrying kind. Honestly, I only wanted to marry because it would help his family accept me(they were close with his ex and didn't seem to like me). He wanted that too. So we discussed it like rational adults, and it worked. Now his parents love me because I have their last name. I understand the stigma that society puts on marriage, both the religious one that dictates it, and the free spirit bachelor one that makes it hard for a man to desire it. But without that peice of paper, I am his because I choose to be, and he is mine by his choice, so it really wasn't neccessary for us to be happy. But acceptance can be a great thing, and so we did it. The point is, if you love each other, and are happy together, it shouldn't be necessary, but if it means so much to you, make sure he knows in plain english, and you'll probably get what you want.

Christy - posted on 06/26/2010




Give him a one year deadline. Not married by then? Move on. Simple as that!

Joanna - posted on 06/26/2010




One suggestion is don't respond with "haha,sure, whatever" because for all you know that attitude is what's putting it off.

Vicki - posted on 06/25/2010




My husband and I started dating in 02. In 03 we started living 06 we bought a house. Finally late 06 he proposed. So yes it can take awhile for some. But...if you already have 2 kids together and are living together then what exactly is he worried about. Would he honestly want to leave his family at any point in life? Probably not. So he needs to just man up and do it. LOL Try telling him in a serious conversation that you really want to make it official. Even if it means being engaged awhile til you can afford it. Tell him you need a commitment...a commitment showing he will be there for you and his kids forever. What dad wouldn't want that anyway? Best of luck.

Chanea - posted on 06/25/2010




don't hold ya breath honey ya know it may be time for the old if you don't ya know

Sheryl - posted on 06/25/2010




the best thing you can do is explain how you are feeling to him. like tilling what you just told us about the ring and how he keep saying it but never wants to step up with the ring and a date. if you com. set there and talk just you to. then he may be able to see where you are coming from. his a man he may no know that where you are looking for, the ring and a date type of thing. us women norally have to spell it out for men. i had to with my husbend. one day he talk about marry me then say oh while well just do this boyfriend girlfriend thing. instead of feainca thing. sorry really sleepy. up late last night. but just talk to him and make sure when you talk to say things like "i feel like"? so he may no feel like you just jump or pushing him into it. best of luck! men can be blind to messages.

Kristina - posted on 06/25/2010




Please don't take this the wrong way I understand your extremely frusterated but I think first you need to take a huge breath. After you've taken a few breaths maybe this is stating the obvious but have you tried talking to him? Actually calmly sitting down with him and asking him if he's serious about getting married? Maybe give him deadlines, a ring by such a date, actually setting a wedding date. Tell him if you don't start seeing action from him then you don't want a relationship anymore (if that is in fact what you don't want). I've noticed guy's aren't exactly quick and sometimes they need things straight out and to the point before they it sinks in and they get it. We as woman like to drop hints (guys are terrible at hints). Please don't feel as if I'm telling you what to do or if I'm being rude. That's not how I ment this post. Just simply suggestions. But I do wish you luck and happiness!

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