am i over reacting?

Emma - posted on 11/09/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am soo annoyed every single morning before my partner goes to work he makes himself eggs in the electric frypan and he doesnt clean up after himself he leaves them for me to do!!!! There is nothing more i hate than waking up and doing dishes especially his when hes a grown ass man and knows how to do it!!!

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Michelle - posted on 11/10/2015

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Why not leave the dirty pan and then he can complain about not having a clean one in the morning.
Or hide them all and when he can't find one to cook his breakfast let him know that when he learns to clean up after himself then he will get them back.
If he wants to act like a child then treat him like one.

My husband and I have an agreement, I cook each night and he does the dishes. It works and since we both work it's fair.

Raye - posted on 11/10/2015

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Martina's a troll, don't listen to her.

Emma, I know this has gotten way past the point of you being upset only because of the dirty dishes. You're upset over the disrespect because he ignores your wishes. Maybe you need to talk to him about that. Make a nice dinner, have him relax a little after he gets home, get the kids to play in their rooms or something so you can talk, and talk to him about how you feel. Maybe there's a compromise where, instead of him doing the dishes in the morning, he could take on a different chore. Maybe you guys need to get into counseling so you feel heard, and hopefully he would realize how it hurts you that he dismisses your feelings and wants.

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Emma - posted on 11/10/2015

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Thanks for the advice ladies, definitely think we will need the counceling as he is very slack with helping not just aroubd the house but with the children as well. He works from 8-3 mon-fri so its not as if hes doing massive shifts at work hes just never been interested in helping. The excuses he makes to not help is also so frustrating he will say his back his hurting but his back is to jump on his exercise bike. Just dont understand it. Having the 3 kids all 5 and under is exhausting it would be nice for him to help out.

Kerry - posted on 11/10/2015

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Why is Martina Luther allowed on this site, she puts her nasty two cents in on other posts about children with Adhd, autistic etc. It's disgusting and this person should be removed.

Emma - posted on 11/09/2015

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Martina luther like wtf??? It is not my job to be in a kitchen cleaning up after a grown ass adult, my job is to look after my 3 children so why dont you get your ass in ny kitchen abd clean them??? Yes Raye I've spoken to him 10000 times but goes in 1 ear out the other he doesnt listen at all.

Raye - posted on 11/09/2015

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He's cooking for himself, and you expect him to CLEAN, too? Holy Cow!
Just kidding. Couldn't resist.

Did you talk to him about it when he first started doing it? If he doesn't know it's an issue, or doesn't realize how much it upsets you, then it's as much your fault as his. You should calmly discuss it with him and let him know it bothers you and sets a negative tone for the rest of your day. If you have had that discussion previously, and he said he would clean up, then give him a gentle reminder that he made a promise and is not following through on it and that *you feel* it's disrespectful to ignore your request. Don't blame him by saying "YOU left the dishes", "YOU don't listen", "YOU...". That will make him more closed off. Make statements starting with "I feel...", "I think...", "wouldn't it be better if WE both..." that way he should feel more open to hearing what you have to say.

I'm not a nagging type person, and I expect people to do as they promise to do, so I can understand your frustration. But sometimes you have to remind (train) them to do it. Ask him why he continues to leave a mess and ask what might make it easier for him. Maybe he needs to set his alarm 5-10 minutes earlier so he has time to clean up? Maybe scrambled eggs can be made the night before so he just has to warm them in the microwave. Or maybe you can just leave it there and do it with the dinner dishes.

My husband does most of the cooking, and will leave the dirty dishes until one of us gets around to loading the dishwasher. Once, I loaded the dishwasher and he got mad at me because I put his good knives in there which makes them dull faster. I said if he didn't want them in the dishwasher, he should not have left them dirty on the counter. We all have our little squabbles. In the greater scheme of things, a dirty pan or a dull knife is not the end of the world and can be overcome with teamwork and respect for each other. Now I know not to wash his knives. And knowing is half the battle...

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