Am I Overreacting?

Chantelle - posted on 03/21/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years since we have gotten married things have changed and not for the better. I feel like i am a single mom of three kids and possible another on the way. He is the only one who works. I have tried and with two of our children having special needs I am needed at home right now. Anyway, we are superintendents of a building and before that he owned his own company. Regardless a normal day should end between 5-7pm (considering he is gone at 6am) but to him a day is never ending. He is never here to dress the kids, feed them, listen to them whine all day long, play with them ect. ect. even at night the most important part of the day to me is bedtime that is the time I love to snuggle them and give them lots of hugs and kisses and say Goodnight but he is never here. I do it all. I understand that some married couples don't have the luxury of having there husband homes at all but it's not just work. If he can find an excuse to get away from the kids he will. This weekend there is a Car Show and my girls love Cars. I want to take them but his excuse is he doesn't want to deal with the screaming and crying and so, he wants me to stay home with them well he goes out (again) and has "guy" time. I NEVER get a night out! I have tried speaking to him even letting me go to a gym during the day and placing the kids in the kiddie care center for an hour or so but no it's too much money I'll get you equipment for home and you can work out when the kids go to bed. Well I am exhausted at that point RIGHT!? which money isn't and what he means is once the kids are in bed and the dishes are done and the place is clean then you can work out. Am I overreacting? I just feel like he wants a bachelor lifestyle but knows he needs to provide. Oh and the best part is he still wants his sex and yes I am the idiot to give in but... a girl has her needs too.

2 Comments

View replies by

Sara - posted on 04/07/2014

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I think you need to be firm with him. Tell him exactly how you feel (but not in a whiny way otherwise he will not listen).

Ask him " would you put your mates before your own kids?"

Warn him that childhood is precious and he should spend as much time with his children as possible because memories are important.

It is not about putting him in your own position, that is not the point. Rather, the point is getting him to realize that you and your children are missing out on him.

Sincere Regards,
~Sara~

[deleted account]

No Your not over reacting/ feeling on this. Tho maybe how You present it to him is. ..(i don't know)
.. i understand the whole money issue. But it seems very selfish for him to go out to car shows, and be out even every other week.(by him self) (that does cost money to go in and get lunches and so on) .. maybe go over ideas of "personal time money" and make it an equal amount. Because You are married You are the wife and the mother~ He doesn't need (ever) to get the bulk of the money and the time away. .. (im in the same problem there but other reasons)
.. i would never(never~) say a wife should ever try and control her husband, exponentially with sex. Sex is a beautiful thing and should never be made ugly with him always having to "work" for it. Like make You happy. But You have every right to tell him You are to tired stressed and feeling unloved for it. .. hey i can't stand the idea a man thinks thats the only way to show love.(i never have seen it but it is made in to to many half jokes) .. and she has every need/right to tell her husband when he is being selfish with him self. the money "he makes" and the time "he needs" away.
For him having kids he doesn't get to call "me time" unless the time has been put aside (and talked about not bullied to get) and that all money (till money is not hard to come by) should be talked about to the dollor (and God i wish that wasn't so.. i am such a push over my self. and then i go over what i want to buy and there is .. well not much left)
And then there is planning out family events and making them more often then personal time. And it sounds like You have it covered if You were a single parent. But You are not. He needs~ Needs to be there. OTher wise He will miss out on knowing them being able to ever be there for them. and if he ever wants to be able to speak wisdom in to their lives he needs to gain their trust. and that doesn't happen just because he is their dad. It comes from showing restraint and that he cares about them. and a day trip a month with out every day/every other maybe time with them.
And to show You he cares he needs to be able to share His life with you. ..and get to know You as a mother, not the bride he fist married. For every woman changes when a baby is born, and when a new one comes she changes again to be th ebest mother she can. ..a father needs to also. And if they are to ever be on the same ground they have to share that time and put effort in to helping caring and just being there. (and that is great for kdis to see too.. just knowing that mama and dad love to help each other even if they are all stressed too is a wondeful thing to see)
I do find that many couples forget how they ever let the other know their love. And that many(not all) men who don't feel that love/respect (which really is just their many side of love) they with draw.. (but it has to go hand in hand with caring for You to have that come back..) ..even tho You are (not just feeling) stressed. And You are feeling unloved (and im saying feeling because he is still around.. he just might not be feeling Your love. other then seeing You work Your ass of for the kids)
i Sure hope You get some me/friend/get out of the house for several hours for You self every month, or 2 weeks (with out kids tagging along every time)
(but try and make it the same amount of times/hours Your husband does.. and not cut him short of his time with friends and alone time. You don't want to make him bitter.) ..
Let me know how You are doing soon? =)

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