Am I the only one??

Amanda - posted on 08/22/2011 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I dont think I was made to be a Stay at home mom. I have 15 month old twin girls so I really dont want to pay for daycare.... Plus I dont trust anyone. I miss them when I do get out alone but I feel like I am going crazy in this house DAY IN DAY OUT! Ahh I feel so unhappy and SELFISH! I love my girls more than anything so why dont I enjoy the time I get to spend with them? I feel horrible about myself. I know I have depression and anxiety. I need to get to the doctor. My husband works all the time and I get lonely... I guess I just want to know Im not alone in feeling this way. Am I a horrible mother??

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Leah - posted on 08/24/2011

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You are not a bad mom because these are perfectly normal feelings!! I go through slumps like this, as well. I realized, the more days in a row I spent in the house, the lazier and more depressed I got. And the harder it was to get myself to get out of the house. My daughter just turned 3 and I have made it a point to take her to the movies once a week (discount theater), go to lunch on another day, and I have a standing playdate with my best friend and her 3 kids. That's 3 days out of the week that I go out, even if it's just for an hour. I suggest starting slow. I have never joined a play group because I'm not the best at being the bubbly mommy at the playground. And even if you can't leave the kids home for long, just take an evening walk by yourself, even if its just for 30 min. It will give you time to find yourself again.

Good luck!!!

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2011

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Oh, honey, you are not alone!! It's been awhile since my kids where that little, but, omg!, I remember those feelings. You need to get out some, even trips to the park with the girls will help. If you can, try to get out with friends, by yourself is best, but I couldn't do that when my youngest was a baby, so I just took her and her sis. It still helped. Even if your friends don't have kids, try to meet them somewhere(kid friendly, McDs?) or have them over. Any adult convo is better than none, even phone calls! I hope you can do something to feel better, but never think you are the only one to feel like this, or that you are a bad mom!

Constance - posted on 08/24/2011

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Don't feel bad I have 8 and 2 with disabilities. My husband has lived over 800 mies away since Feb. due to his company. I am going insane now I have no breaks. I am lonely and he has been able to do what ever he has wanted to. Now he isdriving up here tonight and we are moving dow with him this weekend. I can't do it y myself anymore. We all need breaks. We all have times when we fel like we are going out of our minds. You ARE normal.

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Maria - posted on 11/01/2011

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No your not a horrible mom! I understand you I have 10 kids! My youngest is 10 mts and my oldest is 12(who always gets in trouble!) I was in journulism but then I met my husmand and that changed everything! If you don't trust anyone try asking one of your closest friends and get some rest! That's what should help you a looooong rest Hope that helped!!

Juleen - posted on 11/01/2011

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No of course you're not. We all feel like that. I know I do! I would love a part time job just so i could talk to adults for a few hours a day. the only time i do that is at the school playground for 5 mins then its home to do the housework. My fiance is doing a course at the moment so he's gone practically all day & then in the evening he has work to do for the course so i feel like a single parent most of the time. plus he works part time on the weekends so i rarely see him. I would love something to get me out of the house for a few hours but ive applied for so many jobs and nothing yet so you're not alone.

Patrice - posted on 11/01/2011

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Amanda! you are not alone at all we (well to speak for myself) Have been there. I suggest getting involved in something a group other moms. See as SAHM we don't get to really see other people. Like if you were outside the home. We are all meant to be able to reach out to others and be there for others. Start to just getting out and If it's a option talk to your husband, tell him how you feel and that you need sometime out with people your age sometime. Best of luck to you.

Sharlene - posted on 10/28/2011

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Hi . No not at all or mum's go through this stage of mother hood .But if it gets pretty bad go and see your GP and try to get close family members, close friends,support groups or a play group or likeshannon said be part of a chuch group.Cheers

Shannon - posted on 10/26/2011

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your not a horrible mother
i to go through the same thing
i have two kids and been a stay at home mom for 3 1/2 years and my husband work out of state all the time and i have no friends or family that lives near me
im getting help from my doctor and i have been going to church and it has been helping a little at a time

Valerie - posted on 08/25/2011

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YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! lol just about every stay at home mom feels "trapped" at some point id assume. the problem is we are always home. i have 3yr old twin girls and we are a 1 car family. so we are stuck home all day while daddy is at work. then when he gets home all he wants to do is relax. and when im like lets do somethin as a family hes all well lets just spend time here. what they dont understand is we're in the confines of our 4 wall all day long with no adult interaction. we need more stimulation then going to the grocery store. and when all they wanna do is rest when they get home your stuck with the do i go out with the kids or sit home so i can spend time with him conundrum(sp?). ive explaind this to my husban like a hundred times and he still doesnt totally get it. hes always pushing me to go out. which when i actually have something to do that isnt going to mess with our very tight buget its really nice. but i want family time other then family dinner. try and make you. time it helps. after the girls go to bed take a long bath. and just relax with a cosmo or a book. something simple so you dont have to make your brain work too hard. at nap time say screw cleaning the house or doing something one day and sit and watch something on tv you want. if its pizza night insist on going to the pizza place to eat instead of bringing the pie home. see if maybe you and one of your friends can do a girls day with your girls. go to the mall and window shop and get a pretzle instead of spending money. little things can help a lot. our local library has weekly activities for the kids by age group. and they are free. you can look into something like that if you have the ability to get around during the day. but no matter what dont let your self feel like a horrible mother. you are not selfish at all. its is normal to want adult interaction and to not be in the same place all day everyday. and it is in no way selfish to make time for yourself. after all a happy mommy is a good mommy!

Trina - posted on 08/25/2011

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Every mother has those feelings at one time or another. It is healthy for you to get some alone time to recharge and "get it together." There are clubs out there that offer support to moms and the national website is www.momsclub.org. Find one in your area and join! I have made some wonderful friends and the club in my area is fabulous!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/24/2011

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As I said before, you're definitely not a selfish mother for not enjoying spending time with your kids. Some women don't do well as SAHM, I know for a fact I'm one of them and as soon as I get my Visa I am back in the work force. You know until I get pregnant again then I'm out from 15 weeks to a year because Canada has great maternity leave.

Do try to get out and socialize because that helps you feel less boxed in and lonely. Even if it's just a quick phone call or IM chat. Anything helps when you have an adult conversation.

But also talk with your husband about your feelings of loneliness and depression.

Suzanne - posted on 08/24/2011

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No you are not alone, I have indentical girls who are nearly 3. I am finding it so hard on my own most of the time, I just would like a couple of days to myself. To do my own things rather than run around and care for everyone but me. Hard when you are strapped for cash and have no help. Understand, this is normal feeling like this. Is there a family member that can come and help you out or at least give you an afternoon off. Maybe husband on the weekend and you can go to do whatever you want for the day.

Angie - posted on 08/24/2011

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Dont feel bad at all. My twin girls are now 22 months and I felt it got much better when I started going out with them more. Most mornings we are doing something, whether it be playdates, storytime at the library, tumble class, music class, errands. Its hard but keeping yourself busy can really help. By the way, have you thought about MOPS, mothers of preschoolers. Its usually at a local church and a time where you can socialize with other moms and they have caretakers at the place where its located to watch the girls. There is a fee for your join. Or what about Bible Study Fellowship, they have studies all across the country and world and they will also watch your kids while you participate and its free! Good luck!

Kim - posted on 08/24/2011

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The timing of this conversation could not be more perfect because I JUST blogged about this yesterday! First of all, you are NOT a horrible mother! Every mom needs time away from her children. I've been home with my kids for three and a half years, and I still wonder if being a stay at home mom is for me. If you're feeling like you need some time to yourself, maybe you could sign up for an activity that you're interested in and have your husband or someone else watch your kids for a few hours once a week. It's amazing what a little "you" time will do to your attitude and energy levels! Also, like a few others have suggested, try looking into playgroups where you can meet other moms and kids. Like I said, I literally just was feeling this way yesterday and blogged about it, so if you want you can check out my blog at http://mommys-always-write.blogspot.com/ to see that you are definitely not alone in how you feel!

Terri Lynn - posted on 08/23/2011

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I worked at home while raising a family. Of course you love your kids but you also need and deserve a life of your own. You sound isolated and stuck and this is aggravating some postpartum depression. Don't feel bad. It is very normal to need and want to get away some. Check with your doctor and explain you feel depressed and get medication for this. You are NOT a horrible mother. Why don't you find some Mommy and Me activities in your community where you can get out with the kids and do some fun things while having the chance to socialize with other adults? You have been through a lot physically and a n emotional roller coaster. You can also get free baby sitting in many places- a cousin of mine went to the Y and they watched her kids while she swam and worked out. Because of their income, they paid only a modest amount. Many churches will host free or cheap mom's mornings out. Take an art course during this time or do some shopping. Schedule your "me" time. It will get better, Amanda.

Melissa - posted on 08/23/2011

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I feel ya...I love it but am deff. going crazy in this house. I have depression and anxiety as well. I have recently took control because I was starting to see how it was effecting me as a mom...I just became LAZY! I got a p/t weekend job that I really enjoy, and I get to be social. Join a mom group, try www.meetup.com, also take the kids to the mall or park, story time...and most important take at least 2 breaks a week for you time!

Alison - posted on 08/23/2011

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you're definitely not a horrible mother. Some days going out to get the mail was enough to lift my spirits. But don't give up. Playgroup also helped me a ton. I had just moved to a new area and made a few friends at church and at the mailbox of my apartment complex. We met in the apartment clubhouse. :O) Sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to get the kids ready to go anywhere but trust me, sitting at home watching TV or being on the computer (like me) all the time isn't helpful. Breaking up your routine is--and having other mothers "in the trenches" to talk to does as well.

Carol - posted on 08/23/2011

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I think every SAHM has felt like you , especially in the beginning. It's a huge change. I used to equate playgroups with time for me to talk to other humans as opposed to my kids. It gets easier as they get older. Playgroups would be a great place to meet other moms. Churches, YMCAs, libraries, and even town sponsored groups have playgroups. Most are free.
As to not enjoying time with them - sounds like you just need to get out a little more alone. Can you get out once a week and do something you enjoy? I used to play volleyball or go to a movie. By the end of my time alone I'd feel guilty, but I realized that I appreciated my time with the kids more. I also appreciated how much my husband gives up by not staying home. Talk with your husband too. Just be ready for his list of things he misses or is driving him crazy.

Pamela - posted on 08/23/2011

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Playgroup saved my sanity. Also take the girls to appropriate community programs (our library offers great song/story time for different ages). Get out of the house (even though it is sooo hard with two) even if it is to walk around the Mall and get a coffee (our Mall has a play area--great for the kids and a good place to meet moms) Go to the park and bring sand toys for the sand area (this always makes your kids popular!) You are tired and lonely, but not a horrible mother.

Katrina - posted on 08/23/2011

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Your not the only one. I am not a good SAHM either. I need to feel like I am making a difference in the world & I need the social intereaction of working. Thats why I became a WAHM. I work with a wellness company, so I get to help people improve their lives, and I have a great support team which provides the social outlet I need.

Louise - posted on 08/23/2011

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You are perfectly normal but you need to take charge of yourself and fast. It sounds to me that you need to get out of the house. Find a mums and tots in your area and force yourself to go. At first you will feel uncomfortable being the new mum but keep going and somebody will talk to you and welcome you into there social group. These mums and tots groups are great, your girls will be able to play with new toys and children there own age and you will be able to have adult conversations with mums who feel just as you do. I never went to mums and tots with my sons and I missed making those social contacts and my sons did not get to play with other children. My daughter and I go to three different groups a week and it is the best thing I have ever done. My social circle is now huge and my daughter gets to play with a variety of people and new toys. I have already established a friend circle for when my daughter goes to school in two years time.

I know getting to these places for the first time is scary but believe me both you and the girls will benefit from them. I assure you every mother goes through this it's how we deal with it that matters. Take charge and look for a local group today go for a couple of sessions and if you don't like it go to another one. I have to say the church ones are the best although I am not religious. Religion is not pressed upon you they are purely groups to offer mums some relief. Do something positive today and look for a group you wont regret it! Good Luck

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/22/2011

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No you're definitely not alone. I'm a certified Care aide and a certified phlebotomist in New York state. However I can't work right now because I just moved to British Columbia with my 2 girls to live with my Canadian husband and I can't work until my marriage visa goes through. I feel so frustrated because once you get 4 loads of laundry done you have 3 more in the hamper. The dishes are never fully done and do not get me started on the bathroom! I feel so frustrated and lazy because it feels like I haven't done anything all day. I have a 5 month old who doesn't like to be put down at all and a 6 year old who wants everything (luckily I can let her go play with her friends) I'm tempted to call immigration on Wednesday to ask if I could get a work visa by asking a local health care company to hire me and pay for the certification by BC Health. I know I'm not made to be a SAHM because it's only been 2 months and I'm about to crack.

My husband doesn't work full time at the moment, he's in school 3 days a week learning 3D animation and game design and then a lot of the time he's either working on projects for school and for his demo disc or playing video/ computer games for research. And yes he can get away with that because it really is part of his schooling. I feel like I get penciled in for when he wants to cuddle or have sex or have a discussion on how conservatives in the US really need mental help because someone was saying the US protects Canada.

Before I forget, I understand the depression thing too. I have bi-polar and suffered with PPD with my first daughter. I had some of the same issues I have now when I lived in Texas but they were much worse then and I did contemplate suicide. However that was more due to the fact that my ex is an ass and is emotionally and verbally abusive. I strongly advocate getting help. Maybe finding a Mommy and Me group or something to help you. I have 2 friends in my apartment complex who also have kids so that helps. And I have online friends. You can add me to your facebook if you want to chat too. And don't worry if you feel selfish about not wanting to be a stay at home mom. Not everyone is cut out for it- it's a hard job in the first place and it doesn't make you a bad mom for admitting that you don't like being home with your kids all the time.

I would also strongly suggest talking to your husband about your feelings. Especially the depression and the loneliness becuase maybe he doesn't see that happening. Hubbies are great, but they can be amazingly clueless. So talk to him too.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2011

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Have you looked into playgroups in your area? It will get you out of the house, meet other Mum's and the girls will meet new friends.

Nancy - posted on 08/22/2011

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No, I can relate totally to how you feel. There are times where I want to go back to work part-time so I can feel sane and have some me time again. My husband works all day and its just me and the babies. If you want we can support or chat together. My email is nellybird1@hotmail.com

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