Am I the only one that feels like this? Cause I can't do it anymore...

Emily - posted on 05/23/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

2

0

1

I feel so worthless. I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and 1 year old. I am only 23. I got knocked up twice by two different guys. Although I was very fortunate to find my fiancé while I was still pregnant with my oldest and he is very much daddy to both of my children. But I don't feel fortunate. I am miserable. And I hate my life. I never even wanted to have kids. I don't like kids at all. I love mine but that's because they are mine. I hate that I don't put anything towards supporting us. Yes I watch the kids while he goes to work from 7am to about 9 or 10pm ever day. But that's just something I have to do. I'm literally living my worse nightmare. I hate that all I'm good for is taking care of the babies. And when they are in school what are they supposed to say when people ask what their mommy does for a living? Cause the answer is nothing. I have no type of degree even though I have tried to go to school time and time again and either end up failing or dropping out. I've never even held a job for more that 7 to 8 months. Then there is my older sister who is getting married and having the big amazing wedding and is on track to get her PhD. She has already accomplished so much and made everyone so proud. And I'm over here with nothing and people keep telling me that I should be happy that I have two amazing beautiful babies, but both times I found out I was pregnant every single person around me and in my life had a negative reaction. Saying "oh no." Or "oh my gosh I'm so sorry." Or "uh oh. What are you gonna do?" Or just being sad for me. Me and my sister got engaged a couple months apart and when I told everyone all we go was people telling us we should just elope because it would be easier and cheaper. And when I sister told everyone there was tears of joy and celebrations. I've never felt like such a failure in my life. With just everything adding up. And on top of it all, the distance i have put between me and my fiancé is ruining our relationship. It's almost like I hate him because he gets to be successful and have a job and he's still young and sexy and good at so many things and he's smart. And I am stupid and not good at anything and have no success or job. And I am young and my body is totally wrecked and terrible looking because of what I had to go through twice! I don't want to have sex with him anymore. I don't even want to be touched. At this point I can't even tell if I want to marry him because I love him and want to spend my life with him, or if it's just the fact that I know that without his support I would have nothing and nowhere to go. I don't even remember why we wanted to get married so bad in the first place. I just don't know what to do. How do I fix myself? How do I fix my relationship? I don't want to be miserable and hate my life and everyone in it anymore. I'm sick of living in my perfect sister's shadow because I haven't done anything in my life to stand next to her in my families eyes or in mine. I just want to be happy and do something with my life that I am not ashamed of. Because at this point I am ashamed of my whole life. There has to be someone out there that understands what I am going through because they feel or have felt the same thing. I'm tired of people saying they understand just cause they understand what I'm saying. I just need true help.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Danielle - posted on 05/28/2015

6

0

0

Hi Emily!
I can empathize with slot of what you are going through. I had my first at 23, second at 25, and 3rd at 26. My second I gave up for adoption because I was bring abused in all ways by my husband. The. When I had my 3rd I kept her and RAN!Long story short, I felt useless and dumb. But I wasn't and neither are you! I found my current husband nearly 10 years ago and he is great. My kids are teens now, I slowly went to school and have almost 2 bachelor's now! And I have the privilege of homeschooling my kids. Trust me....when it is all said and done you will have whatever education you want AND awesome, bright and loving kids because you know how HARD it is. You will appreciate all you accomplished because you had to work harder. That Makes YOU STRONGRR than your family or friends that took the "easy" road. Look locally for a counseling center that works on SLIDING FEE scale. You may even qualify for FREE sessions. You are NOT crazy or useless. I know your head feels fuzzy and confused and trapped and boxed in. A counselor will help sort it all out. I've been there too. It's like when your kids tear up your house. You look arundel and don't know where to pick up first. Counselors help you to know where to start! And you know what?? My husband is VERY smart and his job has him traveling all over 90 percent of the time...sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it, I get JEALOUS!! He gets to travel and I havehigh school French to check!! It's ok....you will be ok. But definitely check out a counselor or pastor before you get married. Make sure it's right and don't feel guilty about making choices for YOU! Just hang on!!!

Hannah - posted on 05/28/2015

1

0

0

Mary Craig:
Wow what an inspiration you have been! I am on the same track with you ! I am 30 years, a full time SAHM and I have twin four-year-old boys and another boy that is 15 months younger.. Talk about a challenge the good Lord saw to it that I got a challenge ! Sometimes I ask myself why?? I got all three at pretty much all the same time but that doesn't I will be getting an answer... Lol;) I was searching for a blog that I can join just because of the stress that I go through on a day-to-day basis .. And I found one what a blessing the circle of moms .. Sometimes it's nice to know that I'm not the only one wearing the shoes. And I pray that one day my hard work will pay off and I just pray every day that payment is giving them back to the Lord we serve ! I do try on my everyday life to be that Psalms 31 woman ! Most of the time I'm unsuccessful... But I must say my kids are clean,fed,and clothed with a loving Christian husband who provides a roof over our heads!! My first initiative response was to get on here and complain but after reading some of the posts I realized how blessed I really am so there's no need to complain God is good ! A blessed at their moms and good luck to you ;) If anyone is interested in my story I'll be more than happy to share it with you !!

Mdharri79 - posted on 05/28/2015

5

0

1

You are making me cry. I agree with Flora. We are wearing similar shoes but if I'm being compared to my siblings (I have 6 and all are younger than me) no one does it to my face because one of my reason is my ill daughter. I do the comparing, sound like you do too. STOP because you don't know what your sister is really going through to get this SUCCESS. You are not alone because money is tight for me (really tight) but you can do online classes. Like Flora, the government has so many programs for single mothers or go to a community college. They are excellent, the road maybe long but you can reach your goal. You may have to redefine Success to you. Success for me is to have four productive members of society, which have fond memories of their child with me in them. I'm not to old to enjoy my kids and not to busy with taking care of their physical needs that I miss out on their spiritual needs (read the bible, study, and helping them gain accurate knowledge of the God of the Bible). Even though I am living in poverty-I have a clean home, children, and clothing. They are happy and so am I.

9 Comments

View replies by

Whitney - posted on 05/28/2015

9

0

2

Sweetie you are never alone.I have 3 myself.5,6,and 1. It's a great place to just have normal conversation with moms. I stay home fulltime and I get a lot of great ideas on here because my kids aren't in school yet

Whitney - posted on 05/28/2015

9

0

2

You need to set goals for yourself and work towards them. Personal goals to make you feel better about yourself. Once you feel better about yourself and your kids then everything will start playing out slowly for the best

Emily - posted on 05/26/2015

11

0

1

I completely second Floria's post. You are still young, you have plenty of life ahead of you to "do something" with! Definitely check into local colleges and government programs.
I do think you should look into seeing a therapist. It sounds like PPD to me as well--I had it, with both of my sons, and it really did feel like my life was over. Once you overcome that obstacle, you'll be able to think things through more clearly and move forward in the direction that you want to go.
And never think that you're "only good for" taking care of your children...those are precious lives that depend entirely on you for love and nurturing. That's the most important job a person can have.

Floria - posted on 05/25/2015

23

0

2

Hi Emily, I feel your pain and know what you are going through. I was in the same situation 20+ years ago. I got married at 23, had my first child a year later, and my second almost 2 years afterward. My senior year in high school all I wanted was to go to college. That dream still has not happened, however, I am disabled now so it isn't possible. If you truly want to 'do something with your life' (hate that saying, but there it is) look into your local college. I was able to get some college under my belt with the help of the school child care program. Check with the government, they have all kinds of programs to help young mothers get into and stay in college. As for your sister, kind of had the same thing to deal with only it was my brother who had the college education, and yes, I too was compared to him even back in my day. If you are not happy and not sure if you want to marry the man you are living with then maybe you need to talk to him about how you feel. I cannot guarantee he will respond well. It does sound like you could be having some postpartum depression which is nothing to be ashamed of. I dealt with that as well and went to a therapist, which helped. I wish you luck and hope you DO get to get a degree. Your life is only over if you let it be.

Whitney - posted on 05/25/2015

9

0

2

I do understand I am only 26. I have 3 children 4, 5, 13 months. Your life isn't over.you just need to find your way and with kids it's difficult yes.but if you are strong enough to take care of them then when they are at school try taking a hobby up and that could lead to something else bigger and better

Brittny - posted on 05/24/2015

9

0

2

Hi emily first off i would like to introduce myself my name is brittny i'm new here to this site and i'm currently raising three children toddlers at that . I understand where you coming from i use to work long crazy hours but now i am currently a full time student and stay at home mom . Honestly it can be very stressful and especially when you tied down with kids while others doing as they please all i can say it will get better . Just because you didn't finish school and is not working doesn't mean you not good enough you're very blessed that you have a man that supports you while you stay home with the kids . If you always compare your life to other you're going to feel down i know because i use to do the same until i told myself i am good enough . You have the biggest responsibility raising those babies if your kids if people ask what you do all day you focusing on your home and kids i pray all get better.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms