Am I wrong for being annoyed with women who whine???

Amanda - posted on 02/15/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I have been pregnant a total of 7 times (only two made it to full term) so I am no stranger to morning sickness. Is it just me or does anybody else get annoyed with women who just find out thier a few weeks pregnant and already start the Im so tired and Im so sick stuff and contantly whine about it ALL THE TIME.....Is that wrong of me?

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Krystle - posted on 02/18/2010

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Any1 stop to think that mabey not all the mums who are complaining are all that overly happy about being pregnant in the first place? I sure wasnt with my 2nd

Lynn - posted on 02/20/2010

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Maybe she has no one to talk to or she feels you may empathize with her because you been through it before.She may even be a little scared and since sadly you lost 3. she might be afraid that it may happen to her so with every little pain she calls you for advice. Some women don't know what to expect when they are pregnant and for some the pain is very real. I know with my 3 boys my back heart so bad I would cry I only told those closest to me how I felt and only if they asked. If she is truly a bother to you maybe you should introduce her to another mother you know that might not mind her as much. Try to help her socialize a bit even refer her to here!

Vickie - posted on 02/18/2010

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I can agree fully with you as I have a sister-in-law and a friend that are both whiners. I even had a friend that cussed out the doc because he told her she was having a girl. It never fails to surprise me the reactions people have to being pregnant.
I did get morning sickness with both my other children, but the joy of being pregnant overruled even that. With this pregnancy I didn't get morning sickness but ended up with a large stone at 8 wks (I had docs asking me if I would terminate to take care of the stone) I have had to have two surgeries for stents and have been hospitalized twice for severe kidney infections. They can't get my infections under control and I still have 9 wks left! But my sweet baby boy is doing great! He has made it through everything that has been happening to me and is hanging in there and growing as he should. How could I complain about my problems when I am blessed that they have not effected my child?
Each and every child is a blessing, it is hard to deal with someone that will complain about a pregnancy when there are so many out there that don't even have the chance to experience it. Good luck finding a balance with your friend, I have already lost one with this pregancy and it has been hard.

Sune - posted on 02/18/2010

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Hi Amanda



No it's not wrong of you to feel that way. I get annoyed with them too.

They must sure know what's lying a head for them when they fall pregnant so why complain about it.

Amanda - posted on 02/17/2010

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Thank you Kathy for your point of veiw. Youre right, I think part of my frustration is the fact that I have lost pregnancies. Like I said above,I have had a bad pregnancy so I can understand where shes coming from, it was a struggle to keep me and my son healthy and to full term,and he was still early. Sometimes I want to tell her to get over it and just be thankful,and that shes not the first person to ever have a baby!!! im stll trying to find a way to deal with it though,and what to say to her.

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Courtney - posted on 02/20/2010

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No i didnt do that the whole time i was pg i think if u do that it just makes it worse! i have a friend that thinks she pg all the time cause she wants it so bad but she is always like my boobs hurt i feel sick i just dont feel normal i think im pg. i get so annoyed and im like if u think so go take a test she always says no i want to wait and at the time i was 7 8 months pg and im thinking to myself u think its bad now just wait till the end when u want it out the most haha! GRRRRRR IT JUST MAKES ME MAD TO SO NO YOU ARE NOT WORNG!

Chelle - posted on 02/18/2010

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I have been pregnant a total of 8 times 5 of them are with me 3 of my angels are in heaven... I agree with you 100%. I aspecially hate it when a woman doesnt even know she is pregnant and has been fine up untill she walks out of the doctors just finding out that she is pregnant and then all of a sudden " oh im so tired" or " i god i feel like im gonna spew"!!! I am very lucky to have 5 beautiful children but i am also no stranger to losing them either.... i would take a little chuck in the morning for the rest of my life if i could have my angels with me... All children are a gift and a little sickness is well worth what you get at the end... :)

[deleted account]

It always bothers me when people over do it with the whining with pregnancy. Its very easy to see who is whining for attention and who is truely sick - often because those who are truely sick are too sick to be whining.

My husband always said he could tell when I was pregnant because I turned a strange shade of green. I would get sick before most tests recommended testing. I was hospitalized for extreme morning sickness 2 out of my 4 pregnancies. (There is a latin term that I can say, but can't spell for the medical term for this condition.) I was too sick to have time to whine and on those few good days, I just wanted to focus on it being a good day and be greatful.

Its really easy to spot somebody who truely is sick and somebody who is truely a head case. When I was finally allowed off bed rest with my first, I had a lady who was due about the same time as me say, "I know exactly how you feel, I was nasious all the time during the first trimester." When I made some comment about throwing up, however, she said "Thankfully I haven't thrown up at all." I'm not a violent person, but I decided to walk away quickly before I punched her. (Probably could have blamed it on hormones, but didn't want to take the chance. LOL!) Throughout the entire time we were both pregnant, she had a textbook pregnancy. When the books said you should feel this way, amazingly she did, when the books said she should start feeling that way, amazingly she did. As anybody who lives in the real world knows, no pregnancy is textbook. I'd bet she was surprised that she didn't deliver on her textbook due date.

Desiree - posted on 02/18/2010

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Agreed Lesley! I just kept reminding myself that at least I'd get a baby in the end! :)

Lesley - posted on 02/18/2010

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I think it's funny when women whine from like the time they first find out that they are preggo.....if they feel that bad at the beginning I'd hate to see how they feel near the end lol....I had morning sickness throughout both my pregnancies......with my daughter I was also in the hospital one night with severe dehydration.....yeah it was rough but I didn't whine about it because I knew in the end it'd all be worth it....

Desiree - posted on 02/18/2010

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Amanda, I hear what you're saying! I get annoyed when people whine about things too and certainly don't think you are acting like a b@#*&, however, I think you need to assess this situation before you just write her off as annoying. :) Is she the kind of person who whines all the time about everything anyway or is this a new thing? If it is a new thing, I would imagine the pain and illness she is complaining about is very serious for her and she truly doesn't know how to handle it. You also said she calls you 3 times a day? Even when you answer the first time? Maybe try answering the first time, greeting her warmly, telling her you completely understand how she feels because you've been there and give her your full attention and compassion just one time. Give her all your advice, all your "You poor thing"'s, all your "Remember, pregnancy is a blessing and it's worth all the anguish- you just have tough it out"'s and invite her out to do something to get her mind off of her woes. Pretend you aren't ready to rip her face off for one afternoon or one phone call at least and see if just getting the validation and friendship she is seeking will shut her up for awhile. It really sounds to me like she is craving friendship and care from someone. I don't know her situation but maybe the dad isn't supportive? Or she's trying to save her relationship with him by NOT whining to him all the time and instead turning to you for support since she knows you've been there before. Without knowing her or the dynamic of your friendship, I can't say much more than just try your best to be the best friend you can be. Beyond that there's not much else you can do. And if just walking away and ignorning her is the best way for you to be her friend right now, that's fine too. I hope this helps. :) Take care!

Steph - posted on 02/18/2010

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u went thru what my mum went thru.
She had my big brother and then have up to 9 misscarridges
then had me.
I have only gone thru one and then a month after that i got pregnant again
but i didnt have morning sickness but i did get the bad back and tired and i whinge to my partner so he gets annoyed because i was annoyed with the pains. And i wanted him to know what i/am going thru

Krystle - posted on 02/18/2010

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Some people get morning sickness worse than others.when i was preg with my son...no morning sickness ever but I gurantee that i whinged a hell of alot when i was preg with my daughter because ive never been so sick in my life, felt like i was dying 23hrs a day( the extra 1 hr was spent trying to sleep) and it lasted untill 1mth before her birth. Topping that morning sickness off with trying to raise my son alone and do all the mummy stuff sure did made me whinge but thankfully i have friends understanding enough to realise that i wasnt whinging for nothing and they tried to help me the best they could.

Shirley - posted on 02/18/2010

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No, nothing wrong with you, I get annoyed too everytime I hear somebody whines over something, most specially if its a very simple matter. But that's how other people react. Just don't mind her. Instead, be thankful that you are not the kind. God bless you and have a nice day.

Kathy - posted on 02/17/2010

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I can understand your viewpoint. But I also know that during 2 out of my 4 pregnancies I was sick from conception to delivery, literally and with my first was on bedrest for the last 3 months which drove me out of my mind. I can see how someone in that situation would complain or feel the need to vent to someone. I'm not the complaining type so I internalize it all. So, sometimes the "whiners" get to me a LOT cause I try my best to NOT whine:) But I also keep in mind that everyone is different and therefore will react differently in every situation. So, just cause I can handle something doesn't mean someone else can. Another thing to think about is that you have had so many losses and that you would rather have the morning sickness knowing you are indeed pregnant than have nothing and worry that you've miscarried. (as in the case of my aunt who lost a total of 9 babies-5 singletons and 2 sets of twins) She also could never understand why someone would complain about something like morning sickness when AT LEAST they were pregnant and not miscarrying. It was very hard on her to listen to people whine about it, but she also realized that they didn't understand her side of the story and how frustrating it can be to listen to someone complain about something so minute as nausea or vomitting when you are going to have a beautiful baby at the end of the ordeal :) I understand both sides and I can see where each would be coming from.

Jeni - posted on 02/17/2010

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Lol! NO!

Im sorry to hear of your misfortune but i get where your coming from

Jess - posted on 02/17/2010

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When I was pregnant I was very sick from the very begining until was induced 5 weeks early... I nearly died. So I can understand why people complain. But I certainly never rang someone 3 times a day to whine.... I was too sick to be calling people.

Perhaps you could see it as an honour that she trusts you enough to tell you whats going on with her, but you can also very gently ask her to rein it in. Remind her its a beautiful experience and it will pass (hopefully). Maybe when she calls tell her to hang up straight away and go rest ! Hehehe.... if that fails give thanks for caller id !!!

Amanda - posted on 02/16/2010

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Thanks guys your comments have made me feel better. I dont tell my friend how I feel, but I have recently noticed I have been avoiding her 3 phone calls a day complaining about everything!! I dont want the way I feel or her pregnancy get in the way of our friendship. Honestly there are times where I want to say,if you cant handle just a few weeks then you wont be able to handle the rest of the pregnancy and I dont want to be there when your in labor.

All of my pregnancies werent planned but I am thankful for all of them and I think because of my losses that I was able to enjoy and be thankful for my two pregnancies that went full term. Even though with my son I was sick from 2 months all of the way up until he was born. I went into preterm labor three times and I was in labor for 13 hours with no pain meds and he was a dry birth.So I am no stranger to sucky pregnancies. I was starting to feel like a b!%&h,Im glad im not the only one who feels that way.

[deleted account]

I'm currently 9 weeks with #4, so I'm no stranger to the loveliness of pregnancy symptoms either. And I do not feel good, and my back has already started to ache, and I am so tired...BUT I AGREE WITH YOU!!! Nothing annoys me more than women who bellyache about their pregnancies! I have always tried being positive and thankful that I'VE BEEN ABLE TO HAVE THE CHILDREN I've wanted to have (and two out of my four were not planned pregnancies in any way shape or form)! I have my days when I maybe don't do that great of a job to hide how crappy I'm feeling - especially in the first trimister, but I have ALWAYS tried to be positive and to remember there are A LOT of women out there who would do anything to be in my shoes but can't get pregnant, or have yet to have a successful, healthy, full term pregnancy!
So I concur!!! It's very annoying!

Jennifer - posted on 02/15/2010

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We are all entitled to our opinions and we all respomd to stress and sickness in different ways. So no.......It's not wrong of you to be annoyed. Is it wrong for women to complain about feeling tired and sick when they are pregnant?.........no, I don't think so.

I had severe morning sickness with all 4 of my pregnancies from start to finish, I was exhausted, I guess that I was fortunate to have understanding friends and family around to let me whinge. It probably drove them crazy, maybe even annoyed them, but they supported me no matter what. Constant vomiting and nausea everyday for 9 months is quite exhausting for the mother and the ones on the receiving end -lol ........I think it's ok to have a whinge either way!

[deleted account]

So not wrong. I loved being pregnant. I was never sick, never felt fat...well till like a few weeks before dday but thats normal. But I loved it. I think they just like the attention. I thought it was a gift and you don't complain about gifts. Sorry about your loses. but I agree with you.

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