am i wrong to be upset that my fiance dosnt help me with our infant daughter ,and wont give me a break

Barbara - posted on 08/22/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




im so tired of being tired and ignored.i am in a 3 year relashionship we have 2 children together a 2 year old and a 9month old girl.i also have a 11 year old boy from another relashionship and he does aswell, ,.any way i dont know if im wrong to be upset or if im just being ridiculous and emotional but sinse the day our daughter was born he has not lifted a finger to help me with her! not one sleepless night did he have not one late night feeding nothing! although i do breastfeed her its still ok for her to have a bottle .he did not act this way with our son he was verry helpful with him and would rush home to see him.with our baby girl he didnt even realy pay anymind to her until she was like 3 months old.he wouldnt even check on her in the middle of the night! he tried to say she was just to fragile what bs! shes almost 10 months now and i still have to fight with him to watch her for 5 minutes when he gets home from work so i can make dinner.he will let her scream and cry and ignore her and our toddler too while i go crazy tryin to make dinner! today he actualy decided to go shower before helpin me with the baby who was crying her head off in the kitchen! im fed up!il go days running on 3 hours of sleep and he will nap right in my face and leave me with the kids knowin how tired i am.if i need a shower all the kids r in the bathroom with me or crying at the door while he just lies in the bed watching t.v ignoring them,but when he wants a shower he goes right ahead! thank god for my 11 year old son who is always helpin me with the 2 little ones,he helps more then there own father! he thinks just because he works a fulltime job he dosnt have to help me with the kids .i dont get any type of break ,im lucky to get 3 hours of un interupted sleep,nevermind even getting a break when im sick with a fever and the tummy flu,yet when he has a headache he will sleep 24 hours straight.the only time i have to myself is when the kids r asleep at night in between feedings.the only thing he will do when he is home is change a diaper or 2 but i have to make him and because hes always sleeping hell sometimes put one of the kids to sleep with him,i guess i should be thankful for that lol!to be honest i just want to leave him he ignores everything i say to him ,talkin ,nagging,arguing does no good.he controls the money and everything else and has made it verry clear if im not with him hes going to make my life impossible,even pointed out how would i make it on my own with 3 kids and that i wouldnt get that much in childsupport from him and said he wouldnt help me with anything car issues etc.i am a stay at home mom i realy have no one my parents have passed away,i get a small child support check for my oldest and my boyfriend trys to get me to pay half the bills with it! he makes 4 times what i get and complains he has 2 pay bills even though i pay the rent. i just dont know what to think is it me being to dependent and needy and expecting to much from him or is he just a ignorant controling jerk!


User - posted on 08/23/2012




Complete ASS! First off there are loads of Government programs for woman in your situation. Start looking into them, theres food stamps and housing allowance and my friend who left her boyfriend for be a jerk like yours also got free daycare so she could work. If your interested theres back to school programs (pel grant), online ones that you could do from home after work. Go online start looking things up and applying.Nothing to lose. You always have a choice, not the easiest, but you have it. And think about the long run.

Not that you want to here this but im a stay at home mom, my husband puts 350 into my spending account and 350 into his after bills are done and i can do what i want with that money. He also comes home and plays with our son every day after work he loves taking our son to the gym swimming while i get to work out. They build things, play cowboys, ect. He works 12 hour days then comes home makes dinner and cleans up while i take a bath. He says during the day the most important thing is to keep our son happy. So yes your boyfriend is being an ass and you honey are not expecting too much from him.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2012




My kids are usually in bed by the time damian got home or already bathed but he puts Logan to bed now. The only night I expect him to get up is saturday night and if he wants to drink or go out he has to swap in advance. I control the money, it's our money. I suggest you gain access to your finances at least even if he isn't going to do as much parenting/housework as you want.

Michelle - posted on 08/24/2012




It takes 2 people to create a baby and it ideally should take 2 people to raise a baby. My ex husband was similar, not as bad, but I didn't put up with it. He soon realized how much I did around the place but it was far too late.

I have since married the most wonderful man. He works but when he comes home he helps with the kids. He bathes our daughter every night, does the dishes and gets the kids ready for bed. If I am working the late night or weekends he does everything for all the kids (the 2 oldest aren't his).


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User - posted on 08/24/2012




wow after reading the responses i no longer feel lucky that he will change a diaper here and there and sometimes put one of the kids to bed lol!!now im furious that hes been hiding behind his job to not help as much as he should!its nice to know that there are real men out there that can work a 12 hour shift and still help out .

Rondi - posted on 08/23/2012




I feel the same way most of the time!!! I started to see a councilor and am trying to figure out what I want to accomplish for myself. I have set some goals, like getting my student loan re-payed so I can go back to online school. Also most states have programs where you can have the state pay for childcare, so you can go back to work. I still love my fiance, I am just frustrated, and pissed off that I have to do everything for our child and him, and have no time for myself. So I am going to make it for myself. I am going to join a play group so I can have fun with other Moms while my child gets to play with kids. Who know, maybe I will meet some Mom's like me that would be willing to trade babysittting.

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