Any ideas on how to get babys' father more involved

Cheyanne - posted on 07/19/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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MY boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years so we aren't new at living together. Now we have a month and a half. When he comes home I have been with our son all day. I want him to take some interest into him. I mean I love my son but I'm with him all day why doesn't my boyfriend want to hold him. I just need some help from you stay at home moms. Does anyone else have the same problem or used to have the same problem. Even if you haven't experienced this do you have any ideas??? I have asked him but normally he just puts him down in bouncer or on the floor. He asks me if he is fussy and if he isn't then he won't take him.

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Brittany - posted on 07/29/2013

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I had this problem with my child's father, (we are no longer together for other reasons) however, while i was in counselling it made sense, We (as woman) see other dads with there infants or kids and automatically expect ours to do the same, however, men need to be trained on what to do, they do not have the same instinct as we do. (this was a male counselor) His advise- Hands off, as heartbreaking as it sounds, let your man have a little rest after work 30 mins or so, then give him baby duty while you take an hour to do things YOU need to do. In this hour you are compleatly hands off meaning when he asks you to make the baby's bottle or get diapers instead of doing it for him guide him. for example: "Wife, the babys cring and fussy i dont know what to do! come get him/her they want momma!" reply with " I am unable to assist you right now, have you checked to see if there wet? are they hungry?" Get your husband or boyfriend used to doing what you already know going through the checklist of whats wrong with the baby. Slowly over time increase the time you become hands off until he feels comfortable doing so by himself. Men are afraid of failing, most of the time its not they dont WANT to, its they dont know HOW to, and that terrifys them.

Jamie - posted on 07/22/2013

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My husband loves playing with legos, so does my son. I bought a nice new kit for them to play with together. Maybe your husband still likes some sort of toy your kids like too?? My husband also loves video games, and sits in a peanut chair while playing them. I purchased a kid size chair that matches his dads and gave him a controller with no batteries. Dad is happy and so is our son.

Ann - posted on 07/22/2013

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UGH glad i am not the only one with this reoccurring issue. I'll speak to my husband about it and it seems like a lot of us have the same problem. They help out for a couple days to a week then go back to doing absolutely dick all. I have two under two, and my husband has NEVER bathed the kids and he hasn't changed a diaper since they were 2 months old. I agree with you that yes you know they work all day, but so do we. We bath our kids, feed them, change them, keep them busy with play-time and help them learn new things and listen to them scream and cry and be fussy and our only moments of solitude or a break is nap time. (I thank god for nap-time) when they say silence is golden, they are spot on. My husbands the same, if they begin to fuss, it's my job to get them to stop, if they poop, it's my job to change there bum. My husband says it's because im their mother, it's MY responsibility. It's like okay, then when is it your responsibility to be their father and the parent when they need someone else other than their mother? He's slowly getting the hang of coming home from work, playing with the kids while I get dinner ready, and then we all sit down as a family and eat, then watch tv for an hour after dinner then put the kids to bed. Just gotta keep on him until he starts to catch on that it takes two to raise a child, not just one.

Jamie - posted on 07/22/2013

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Yea, my husband got "used" to the fact that I was a Full time mom and started never wanting to help out. I started out telling him that he should spend more time with Jax ( our son). He did good for a few days but went back to completely relying on me again. Then it was time to fix the problem. I told him in a nice way that I know he doesn't mean to hurt anyone or anything, but he doesn't do anything at all with his son. No matter what he is doing it couldn't be more important than building a strong relationship with his little boy. I told him that before we know it our little boy will be grown and he will have to look back on his life with regret because he missed it all because he was too busy all of the time. He finally got it!! As soon as he gets home from work I will not kiss him or serve his dinner until he picks up Jax and hugs and kisses him. Then after dinner we turn off all of the Tv's and sit in the nusery and play together as a family. Stay on top of it, but not in a nagging manner. Try and let him know that it's not a favor to you, but to him and his child.

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