any old school moms out there?

[deleted account] ( 127 moms have responded )

so sometimes i feel like i'm the only old school mom out there who doesnt put up with much crap.. i dont have a problem telling my kids no at the ages of 2 and 1, you should see reactions i get .. but yet i feel like im the one in control.. b/c im the MOM.. lol..

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Brittany - posted on 09/26/2009

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Quoting Treva:

I'm so glad you feel the same way I do. My husband and I have 2 boys and we demand they respect us and others. And the word "No" is used often. When my first was born. I had a friend over, we had just got back from taking a walk and her 4 yr old daughter just spit in my newborns face. The mom did nothing just kinda said sarcastically,"dont do that"like a cheerleader like way. I was so mad. I was just shocked no discipline in anyway.Anyways I'm glad their are other moms who think like we do.God Bless!


See that's it exactly! Why do moms and dads think they should tell their child no in a sing song way or make a fun game out of it? My friend tells her son no no no as she tickles him for goodness sake! Tell me how that reinforces no!

Brittany - posted on 09/26/2009

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Quoting Jane:

that's how it's supposed to be! good for you! when i was pregnant w/our 2 yr old someone at work said, "your daughter will be your best friend!" and i said, "she'll have plenty of friends in life, i'm going to be her mother."


I love this! It's too true. I may only be 23 but I look around me at older moms and I feel I am the strict one! I have been told by several mothers that I am delaying my childs development because I do not allow him to do certin things like climb all over and push chairs up to counters. I mean honestly! My son is not the one with a busted face because he fell of the computer chair or desk! And I also do not have to hide my knives high up in my cabnits because my child pushes chairs to the counter and explores what's up there. In my opinion, kids get a drawer to play with in the kitchen and the rest is OFF OFF OFF limits. Nothing good for a kid is in a kitchen outside the pantry and refridgerator! And in my opinion a kid that just opens the fridge and goes digging through it is annoying. My son comes and gets me and takes me to the fridge then opens it when I tell him it's okay and points to what he would like. he knows that under the sink are all the boxes of his foods that he can have and he knows he can go under there and get the one he wants out for me to get him down so that he doesn't dump it all over the floor. I hate that when kids just get into things and do what they want! Or whine when you tell them they can't have something. My son does not whine when I tell him no and he is only 19 months old. My friend's son is 28 months old and begs for treats and objects and goes into histarics when you say no. I don't ever give my son sugar treats. They are not necessary and why start him early eating bad things when there is yummy healhty sweets like fruits and yogurts?



 



Seriously, just because a kid whines or looks cute does not mean they should get what they want all the time if the answer was no. I don't care how cute they are when they beg. It annoys me that no doesn't mean don't ask again anymore. I was raised no meant no and that's it and I'll be damned if my son isn't raised the same way!

Elisha - posted on 09/22/2009

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Oh, girl, my girls know the meaning of the word "no." My one year old even knows, lol, she'll wave her little finger around and say, "da da da!" It's so funny.

Lauren - posted on 09/22/2009

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I had a concerned driver stop to help me one day. I had pulled over in a hurry & by the time he arrived I was standing on the side of the road, back firmly to my 14month old who was seated on the grass about 2 metres away.

I had to say "Thank you, I'm fine. He's just doing time out for hitting his brother in the car." He looked at me & then looked at my tiny son. He must have thought I was a dragon.

Treva - posted on 09/22/2009

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I'm so glad you feel the same way I do. My husband and I have 2 boys and we demand they respect us and others. And the word "No" is used often. When my first was born. I had a friend over, we had just got back from taking a walk and her 4 yr old daughter just spit in my newborns face. The mom did nothing just kinda said sarcastically,"dont do that"like a cheerleader like way. I was so mad. I was just shocked no discipline in anyway.Anyways I'm glad their are other moms who think like we do.God Bless!

Sabrina - posted on 09/22/2009

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I tell my kids no, because I am mommy and I make the rule until they are 18 and out of my house. I was raised old school and I will raise mine that way as well. I hope that they will follow through with it with their own when the time comes.....

Christi - posted on 09/21/2009

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i am 20 and i know the way my mom raised me and i know that all this time-out and being polite is crap. my son is nine months old and he already hears no, like when he is going after a kitty or trying to chew on something that can hurt him, or slapping or hitting us in the face. that is the only way to teach your child and they are not too young to learn. the people that wait or never say it are the ones who have heathens at age 3.

Patricia - posted on 09/21/2009

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You are definitely not the only one -- I may be the 'mean mommy', but at least my kids know that if I say something I mean it. Do they always listen? Not really, but I am confident in my convictions.........lol

Stormie - posted on 09/21/2009

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I know what you mean. People are amazed that my kids say please and thank you. I want to raise my kids like my grandma did me.

Whitney - posted on 09/21/2009

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It is not old school, it is being a parent, unlike those you don't tell their children no; they may give you a look but your kids will be better off in life then their kids will be. Keep being the strong mother you are and don't worry about anyone else, after all they are YOUR kids!

[deleted account]

Laura, I am happy you started it too. I just joined Circle of Moms and this was the first thread I saw and posted to. It is awesome to see so many Moms out there with the same values. My husband & I talk about it all the time and are just so glad to know that we aren't the "only" ones wanting our son to have manners, discipline, etc.

Liz - posted on 09/21/2009

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I am definately an old school mother. Im 28 and have two girls - 3yrs and 11mths - and they hear the word No all the time.Children need structure and boundaries. It helps them to fit into society in later life and more importantly, it actually makes them feel more secure. (cant remember where I read that) The problem with a lot of the youths in todays society is that they didnt have any dicipline growing up and just cant accept that the rules apply to tham also.

All my friends children know that if they are naughty in my house that they will be sitting on the naughty spot or having toys confiscated. With the rules in place, the kids get along and play very nicely together for hours.

Sheryl - posted on 09/21/2009

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i totally agree with you i have 4 kids all round the same age and im often heard saying no and am not really into this new age parenting, hey it worked for me i grew up ok, thanks mum.

Claudia - posted on 09/21/2009

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It's your JOB to tell them no and keep them safe. You would be a terrible mother otherwise. If that makes one "old school" sign me up. Previous generations had more manners anyway. Go Girl!

[deleted account]

Try saying no to a 13, 11, or a 7, year old. No cell phone until you have a job and pay for it. No going to a party in a hotel (hello at 13, NO), No you can't go to a "friends" house because I don't know the parents. My kids say they can't be with the cool kids because I always say NO, Brand name's not of the clearence rack, big NO, when they get a job they can go buy all the Brand name's they want.

Summer - posted on 09/21/2009

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im an old school southern mom!!





thats exactly right!!!!! look at this generation of kids.... there is no control, kids are running the household, and parents are trying to be their friends, not going to work!!!!! kids need dicipline!!! you're mom not bestfriend! the kids now days are growing up not knowing how to cope when they dont get their way.... look at generation X and the one thats come after it!!!!! not good roll modles foe our younger kids

[deleted account]

Wait till you have teenagers...practice that skill everyday...candy and gum is cheap...xboxes and cars are not! :) Every kid in the world will push the 'I WANT" envelope. It is really important to set boundries now...so that as they get older..they will know what you are willing to do for them..and what they can't PUSH you into. I agree that there are a lot of people who give you grief for not giving in o them or for needing to reprimanding them. I don't have any small children anymore...and I have seen the result of the boundry setting that I did when they were younger. We don't base one decision in our home on what others are doing..only on what is best for the child and for our family. Those are the things your little ones you are learning right now. You are teaching them to respect you, to respect the resources you have and to make choices that will be best for them...and at those ages, it does involve discipline and a lot of the word NO. You keep up what you are doing and you will turn great children into our society. If that is old school..then it is the way we all need to raise our children. My grandma used to tell me that kids are like plants...you feed, water and cultivate them..periodically you do have to cut them back and shape them a bit to make them grow better. My best to you in your efforts to raise children...THAT IS WORK. If we just let them be...well, you know in the world we live in what that looks like. Keep up the good work you are doing..and remind those who would try to teach you(I've had people who I don't even know come up and say that!!)...I am working with the individual natures of my children. I know them and what they need. Thanks, but I think I can handle it. Rewarding temper tantrums teaches them very early that that is the way to get what you want. GO OLD SCHOOL MOMS!!!

[deleted account]

I don't know if I am old school or not. But my daughter is 4 months old. And I am always told not to let her cry when I lay her down for a nap for longer than 2 minutes because she is a baby and doesnt understand. Well in my eyes, she doesnt understand because she hasn't learned yet. If she needs a nap, I am not going to keep her awake because she is crying. Same with bed time. If she needs something, I know the difference in her cries. And when she gets older, I will teach her that no is no. My cousin's kids all push her around. She says no and her kids do it anyways and she says, ok but just this once. But just this once happens all the time. I do not want my daughter pushing me around. I am HER mom.

[deleted account]

I say no to my kiddos all of the time. Trying to learn not to say no to everything - so sometimes I say "we will see" or "I will think about it". I said that to one of their requests the other day and out came, "that means no".....lol. I am trying to raise my kids to be respectful not only to me and dad but to EVERY one out there. They have been raised to say "yes ma'am" "no sir", "excuse me", please, thank you, and all of the other's. Other adults are referred to as Ms. "first name" or Mr. "first name" if we are on a first name basis with them or they are required to refer to them by last name until told otherwise.



We try to teach them that every action has a consequense. They get the occasional swat for misbehaving but it has to be something that really warrants it - and we don't use that as a threat. They know the 1, 2, 3 and they know that if they get us to 3, they are not going to like the consequense. My favorite saying is" if you make me get up from this couch, you are not going to like what is going to happen". They learned that at a VERY young age and know that I mean business.



It's amazing to me when we are out in public and have people come up and say that we have well behaved children - I want to look at them and say shouldn't they all be well behaved!!!!! They know that we won't take their crap. They don't fear us, they respect us - and know while I am not their friend, they can tell me anything!!!!

Misty - posted on 09/21/2009

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well i think thats great there are too many moms out in the world who let their kids do what they please and people wonder why we have so many criminals in this world. ie been telling my son no as long as i can remember and hes 6. he says yes mam or yes mom when i tell him to do things, hes been in the habit of cleaning his own room since he was 1 1/2 instead of me doing it, he puts his own laundry away. theres nothing wrong with being an old fashioned mom atleast when you hear police sirens you'll know its not your kids just the hulligans down the street.

Jodie - posted on 09/21/2009

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im kinda an old school mom. i dont have much prob with telling my children to quit or to hush up and grounding isnt much to do either. I find at times i get to the point where im fed up with the chaos they sometimes bring and give in just to have a little peace in quiet.

Megan - posted on 09/21/2009

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Totslly agree with you guys. I tell other moms that I'm not out to be my kids friend. I'm their mother. We can be friends when they're 30. I also tell my kids that I take mean mommy classes and I"m getting straight A's. I want my kids to be "good" people. To help those that don't have as much, be grateful for all they have, be kind and polite, and to be able to succees in whatever it is they want to do. Giving them everything on a silver platter and not giving them discipline will me that I'll be supporting them all of their adult lives and they'll put me in a crappy home and spend all my money before I"m dead. No thank you!

Carrie-Len - posted on 09/21/2009

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I am right there with you, i even have a hard time getting my hubby to stand up to our 18 month old. I say this is how it is, and lay down the law and he wonders why the baby listens to me and not him.

Hadda - posted on 09/21/2009

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My mother always told me that whatever you teach them now is what they will do later on. Saying "no" to your kids is our right as mothers.

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2009

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thank you so much for this post i felt really bad telling my 8 month old no when he is testing us exp when he goes down for his naps during the day or when he goes to grab something that will hurt him.

Sara - posted on 09/20/2009

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I agree with you Laura... I wonder where my 5 yr old gets the idea that its okay for him to talk back to me in a disrespectful tone that I would hear from my 13 yr old niece.

Rebekah - posted on 09/20/2009

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So far I have loved reading this whole conversation. I know my child is only 5 months right now but I have two sisters both with older kids in fact all are in there teens now. one who is very old school and one who babies her children. I have spent time with all of these kids and would take the two that were raised old school over the spoiled babied lil s**** any day (excuse my language).But they are. So I decided a long time ago that No is not a bad thing, neither are spankings and strict rules that are upheld with in a family, I find it funny that my one sister wonders why I won't take her kids but spend a fair amount of time with the other ones. So yes I would say that I plan to be "old school" with my daughter and any other children that we have in the future.

Carisa - posted on 09/20/2009

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If you don't they will run all over you and then people look at you like you can't control your child

Brittany - posted on 09/20/2009

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im very old school. i have kids from 7 to 1 and i say no every 30 seconds seems like, lol. as parents its our job to teach them right from wrong not try to be their buddy or doormat. im right with you on all of this so HURRAY for the old school moms!!!!

Krystal - posted on 09/20/2009

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I agree with every one, some times you just need to have the right amount of disapline or our children will walk all over us. I get dirty looks all the time because I tell my children no or I will place them in time out for acting out. Most of the dirty looks come from other mothers that alow their children to talk to other adults disreaspectful or alow their children to play with out boundires. Those are the mothers that make excuses as to why their children are the way they are, in some cases yes there is cause for an explanation. But in most cases the parents need to hold the child acountable for what they do so they can learn what is right and what is wrong. well I am not sorry If i affend any one but I want my 4 children to be respectful to other children as well as other adults and my children are very well mannered as well as well behaved. Now don't get me wrong they have their moments where they will act out and thats ok as long as they know there will be consequences it is usaully very mild. They are only 3,4,5,and6 so I do expect them to act like normal children for their ages. My children are still learning what is right and what is wrong because of there ages. I will absoultly not except back talk or screaming or children hitting each other. thats a big NO NO

[deleted account]

It is so great to hear there are other parents out that with some values!! Maybe we can turn things around and have a future generation that is respectful! My husband and I talk about this all of the time and we are raising our son (15 months) "old school". He will be respectful of people, he will understand No, he will eat the same thing for dinner that the family is eating (not his own meal because he doesn't like what we are having), he won't have a cell phone when he is 8, etc. I know he won't like a lot of it at first, but hopefully we will eventually get a nice compliment from him like the one Mom's second year college student who said he had the best parents in the world and is glad he isn't one of the "brats" that he is dealing with now! YEAH!!

Sara - posted on 09/20/2009

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My 4 children know that when i say no i mean it so they go and ask their dad (as hes the one that gives n but e has learnt to say what did your morther say the older 2 repile very sheepishly no and my 2 boys repile with a cheecky smile and run off ) when in ton they will try to play up but after 3 mins they notice that its not working and i dont care who sees me telling them off I lucky the love to behave as they dont miss out on all the fun stuff we do

Jeannette - posted on 09/20/2009

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My daughter is 14 months old and i tell her NO i don't care who is around when i tell her that either

Venessa - posted on 09/20/2009

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Just to add to my comment above... a few month ago my 14 yr old niece asked me "when you say no to Oran (DS) he knows you mean no doesn't he" I says yes of course he does and she answered when Mammy says no to me I know that if I keep at her she'll say yes...............

I have seen both my nieces do this on numerous occassions........

Where my sister gets her parenting skills from I have no idea as we were not brought up in a house were the kids ruled the roost, If Mammy says no she meant no and we knew it and I am the same and so is my brother with his kids.

Venessa - posted on 09/20/2009

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I am old school and when my kids were younger alot of my friends used to give out to me saying I was too strict on them but now as they get older they have stopped giving out and are always telling me how well mannered and wee behaved my kids are. I never have any problems bringing my kids anywhere and I never worry about them embarrassing me, they have a set bedtime, have to do their homework and do some chores, they have to eat all their meals and say please and thank you, if they tell lies or are disrespectful to us or their grandparents or get in trouble, they get their priveleges withdrawn so they realise its not worth it. I am bringing my kids up to have respect, be honest and hardworking and I hope that stands them well when they go into the real world.

Brooke - posted on 09/20/2009

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AMEN! I'm the same way and you know what, people cannot believe how well my 15 month old daughter listens when I say no and the fact that she says please and thank you just amazes people! She is soooo easy, easier than most older kids! I feel really in control also. It's a good feeling too! Not in a control freak kind of way but control as in the way a parent should be in control and in charge and running the show! =)

Linda - posted on 09/20/2009

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That's funny because I just went though that yesterday. We were at the grocery store and I had to strongly tell my three year old not to punch me or pull the back of my shirt. I did feel self conscious, thinking that someone would tell a manager or something but, no one said anything. My son was also trying to get out of the cart and doing unsafe things. What are you supposed to do, talking nice does not work.

Shanna - posted on 09/20/2009

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I have lost a decent number of my friends because I am not afraid to tell my daughter no. I don't feel I am horribly strict and I don't beat my child...I just enforce the rules I set. I can't stand the attitude of "but they don't know better" because they will never know better if we don't start teaching them better from the start.

So I say keep up the good work! You are helping to forge a better humanity.

Pamela - posted on 09/20/2009

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We say NO to our little girl (3 yrs old) who is quite a smarty pants. She even once argued with us about she wants to eat and what not. We told her point blank - We are her PARENTS and it is US who DECIDE, not her. If she doesn't agree, tough or too bad, she just have to deal with it. No more such arguments from her anymore.

Once at a park, 2 boys put sand on my kid's head while she was playing and they laughed like it's the funniest and coolest thing to do (which means they have done it before) - I was shocked beyond words and their parents are no where to be seen. I was so mad, I went up to them and told the boys off. Then once I encounter an older boy pushing my kid away so that he can get up first on the slide - again, their mom didn't do anything. I told the kid off.

I'm so shocked at how some little kids behaved in the park and their parents don't do anything about it.

Amy - posted on 09/20/2009

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I'm with you all the way, I have a daughter that is almost 2 and a little boy that I look after that is about the same age, and I don't take any of they're crap :D. They are both well behaved little ppl because of it I think.

[deleted account]

Oh Laura, I am soooooooooooo glad I found you on here! I too feel very much alone in this world we live in. I am very old school and believe strongly that you cannot raise a child out of a flippin' book. Put the damn books and quak doctors away and use your head, your mom and your grandma.........USE COMMON SENSE. uggg.........don't get me started. There's nothing worse than a brat who's given choices over every single thing. OMG......its isn't that hard people! Use common sense. Instill values, beliefs and responsibility in your children. No one thinks its cute to see a brat who interrupts, climbs the walls, doesn't listen,etc. Wow.....sorry, I just have a problem with what I call "new age parenting"........its like I'm against the grain in today's world. So, its nice to meet you Laura....nice to see I'm really not alone!

Elke - posted on 09/20/2009

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Hi there. Does saying "No" to your child qualifies to be an "oldschool" Mom? Wow! ;-) Honestly I thought the exact opposite, the trend goes back to practice more authoritarian education. That surprises me now. In Germany books like "Why our children become petty tyrants" are Bestseller :-o Or the success of adviser like "Super Nanny" show that parents are kind of helpless but looking for more guidlines in education. But wouldn´t call that "old school". Do you really wish "oldschool" education back? What do you mena with oldschool?
You also don´t have the same haircut as for 20 years ago, don´t you? Times are changing and that´s good. What do you think? :-)

Allie - posted on 09/19/2009

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I tell ya'. My daughter is only 11 months old, but she knows that no means no. Its great that the parent is in charge. These days I see many who are overruled by their child or children! How ridiculous!

Natalie - posted on 09/19/2009

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Haha I just had a neighbour tell me when my 19month old hit my face(shes only just started doing it) and I told her off,my neighbour said not to do that!That shes just a baby and was doing it out of love!I was surprised as our neighbour is in her 80's!Needless to say I love my daughters but they need boundaries and if they cant learn it from me who are they going to learn them from?!

Debora - posted on 09/19/2009

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I AM WITH YOU I WOULD NEVER GIVE A CHILD UNDER 13 A CELL PHONE OF THIER OWN ,I KNOW I HAVE ONE WHO WILL BE 13 IN JAN.SHE WILL NOT GET ONE SINCE I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND SHE CANREACH ME ,PLUS SHE`S NOT INTO AFTER SCHOOL SPORTS SHE FEELS HOMEWORK IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY SPORT/GIRLSCOUTMEETINGS.I WAS RAISE ON A DAIRY FARM WHERE WE KNEW SELF DISCIPLINE AND HOW TO WORK UNLIKE SOME OF TODAYS KIDS WHO THINK THEY CAN ONLY HELP OUT AT HOME OR GRANDPARENTS IF THEIR PAID I FEEL THIS IS NOT FAIR TO THOSE ON FIXED INCOMES.

Melissa - posted on 09/19/2009

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wow! it's weird to find out as a hippie type mama that i too am old school! i don't take any crap off my daughter and i expect her to behave. she is 5 going on 25, and we do have our moments of sheer defiance, but it doesn't last long once it get's started. now that she's 5 though it does seem that it happens more often, but she gets told no and is punished more often in return. no is not an issue for me or dh in our house. we started using no and making it known who was in charge when she was old enough to understand it. it amazes me when we go out and i see other peoples children and how they behave in public. it's like most parents have forgotten their role of authority in the parent child relationship. my little girl tells me i'm her best friend and that's cool with me, but i also let her know that i'm her mama first and she will treat me with respect and be treated with respect in return. manners also seem to be an issue i have seen in other peoples' children. did their mothers and fathers not teach them any manners and that's why their children don't seem to have any or what? my child is not perfect and screws up and screws around a lot, but even when she's trying mine or dh's patience, she is always on her p's and q's with everyone else. lots of yes ma'am no ma'am, please and thank you. respect for others and authority it seems is something lacking in most parental relationships these days... a lot of parents just aren't teaching their children how give or receive it.

Lisa - posted on 09/19/2009

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then thats a good thing i raised 8 children by the old school ways.you are the one in control. it doesnt matter what others think and besides in the long run your children will respect you

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