Any One else Dislike It?

Danielle - posted on 04/29/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Maybe there is something wrong with me. Because most other SAHM's seem to love it. But I miss working. I miss doing something other than being home with a child all day. I feel like it's unfair that my husband gets to leave and have time with adults and have real conversation about things other than kids. Then he gets to come home and be the one that our son perfers. He seems to get all the perks - whereas I have to do all the cleaning and put up with all the whining and fussing during the day. On top of that I just feel like a milk cow.



Does anyone else ever feel like this? Does it get better? Am I some sort of horrendous person for needing a different kind of intellectual challenge in my day to day life?

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Angela - posted on 04/30/2009

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Lets face it...being a SAHM is tough. Its lonely and thankless at times and your chores never seem to end. I, like Terry, learned to embrace my role and love it now. I have met other moms at the park my little girl and I frequent so I get some "adult" time while my daughter plays with other kids. I figure that when my daughter starts school I can get out a little more, possibly get back into the work force, or have a hobby that is my own. I certinly look forward to those days but right now I don't want to miss a minute of my daughter's life because it goes by much to fast.

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Arryn - posted on 05/03/2009

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It took me two years to really get into being at home. I still feel like I would like to do something on my own that fills that nagging feeling.....Summer's coming, we farm and my husband works full time in the city...and I have two huge gardens...my job is here.... I won't regret being here while my kids are little...it really does go by way too fast.

Kylie - posted on 05/01/2009

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Oh my gosh I was just about to start a similar topic! LOL when I tell my hubby I am exhausted from getting up to our 10 month old and/or 2 year old kids during the night and ask if he will get up he tells me "I start work at 5am" I just feel like shouting at him some days- I dont have a start and finish time, dont get a lunch break, have 2 kids whinging at me all day and have been awake most the night and some days dont get any "big people" conversation. Dont get me wrong he does help when he is awake LOL but my biggest gripe is the fact that if I have had a bad day or kids have had a bad day and have a whinge I get the "well if u find a job that earns as much money as me I would stay home, too easy-no more work. I dont think he would last a week doing all the cleaning night shift day shift etc I only wish I could! In saying all this if the kids and I have a good day/night it is so worth it-the good days are awesome! Love my kids to bits even if I do feel like Im going nuts some times :-P

Ashley - posted on 05/01/2009

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I have nothing to compare it too... I've never worked a day in my life! Sometimes I wish I had a job though, on those days when the whinning is never ending... I just wanna leave, but I can't.

Anne - posted on 05/01/2009

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You say your husband gets all the perks and you just have to do all the cleaning and put up with all the whining and fussing..........think about all the perks you are getting.

How old is your baby? It will probably be you that sees your baby smile for the first time, see your baby roll over for the first time, laugh for the first time, sit up for the first time, crawl for the first time, make new sounds, stand up by himself etc etc etc.

These are things you can never get back. I've taken 12 months off work and my time is almost up and I don't want to go back!! :(

If you enjoy history, spend your time at home looking into your family tree and make a book for your son.

Don't feel guilty for how you are feeling though, perhaps just try and look at it from a different perspective. :)

Tara - posted on 05/01/2009

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Quoting Terry:

For the first 2 years, maybe 2 1/2 years, I was jealous of hubby's "free" time at work, how he gets to socialize with other adults and go out to lunch--he can even use the bathroom without a baby or two tagging along! But something happened (not sure what) and I stopped comparing my role to his, I embraced my own individual role and started to take pride in my "job". It's my house, my kids, my family. If I don't keep it all together, who will? Who else would do such a good job? No one. Mommy is the queen of the castle, and accepting that role has created an awesome peace and joy in my heart. It's not for everyone, but if you stay home I hope you can find this outlook and begin to take pride in your incredible responsibility--from dishes to laundry to nursing the babe, it's all vitally important.
Happy Mothering!



Totally agree!!!  We (as SAHM) have THE most important role EVER..we are raising the future men and women of our world!!  It is an honor and privelage to stay at home and raise our kids and BE the QUEEN of our CASTLE and don't EVER forget that!!!  You can have adult interactions in other ways (as mentioned..Mom groups and such)  I go scrapbooking, which is my time to get out with other adults and leave the hubby at home for a bit!!!  Embrace your role honey and be proud of the Mother, Woman, Domestic Goddess that YOU ARE!!!!

Patty - posted on 05/01/2009

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Quoting Danielle:

I do have a group of mom friends online that I talk to, and there are several sahm that I hang out with from Church. However, I'm pretty limited during the day hubby and I only have the one car so most days I'm home with no way to get out. I work from home for a local realtor, but it's not fullfilling work. My degree is in history I want to teach; it's what I've always wanted to do, and I'm just having a lot of trouble adjusting to being confined at home.



is there anyway you could teach night schools? or for an online school? There are more and more people who need schools to fit their schedual so i;m sure they need more teachers who can work the weird hours. please write back i would really like to know your oppinoin. thank you

[deleted account]

I felt the same way for about the first 2 years of being a SAHM. It is a tough adjustment, especially if you loved your job. I didn't really start to enjoy it until I joined a mom's group and started planning play groups. I joined MOPs, Mothers of Preschoolers. And most mom's will admit that play groups are more for them than the kids. You get a chance to hang out with and talk to other parents while the kids play. I've been to plenty where the kids range from NB to 5 yrs old. Find out if your church has any of these.
You are not a horrendous person. I think if any mom was honest with herself, she would admit to having this feeling at least from time to time.

Shantelle - posted on 04/30/2009

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That does make it achallange, but see if friends can visit you. Or walk to the park or shops....or just walk. Ur baby will love the outdoors and fresh air and so will u.

Try not to take this time for granted, i remember when i did go back to work, the time flew, and now that I look back on it I feel like i missed that chapter of their lives (it was only a few months but thats alot for a 6mth old). I now make the most of it in fear that i will look back in 10yrs and wish i did more. U can still have the life u want, teaching, when school starts. It won't be forever.......i ALWAYS remeber this during hard times (to get me through) AND during the good (so i don't take it for granted)

Danielle - posted on 04/30/2009

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I do have a group of mom friends online that I talk to, and there are several sahm that I hang out with from Church. However, I'm pretty limited during the day hubby and I only have the one car so most days I'm home with no way to get out. I work from home for a local realtor, but it's not fullfilling work. My degree is in history I want to teach; it's what I've always wanted to do, and I'm just having a lot of trouble adjusting to being confined at home.

[deleted account]

For the first 2 years, maybe 2 1/2 years, I was jealous of hubby's "free" time at work, how he gets to socialize with other adults and go out to lunch--he can even use the bathroom without a baby or two tagging along! But something happened (not sure what) and I stopped comparing my role to his, I embraced my own individual role and started to take pride in my "job". It's my house, my kids, my family. If I don't keep it all together, who will? Who else would do such a good job? No one. Mommy is the queen of the castle, and accepting that role has created an awesome peace and joy in my heart. It's not for everyone, but if you stay home I hope you can find this outlook and begin to take pride in your incredible responsibility--from dishes to laundry to nursing the babe, it's all vitally important.
Happy Mothering!

Yvonne - posted on 04/30/2009

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You're definitely not horrendous to think or feel this. I personally do not want to go back to work but I know the feeling of wanting to do something other than just be SAHM. Feeling like a milk cow was definitely a thought I had often when I nursed my kids. My oldest I stopped I 6 months, my youngest at 4 months. Getting out to play groups and making time to go out with girlfriends or your husband is a great way to retain your sanity. Being a SAHM is hard, no doubt about it. It does get better as the kids get older.

[deleted account]

I agree that you need to find a mom's group. You need to interact with other moms, take a break and enjoy adult conversation at a playdate. That is the only way to keep your sanity. Trust me, I have been home with my two boys for almost 5 years now. Personally, I love it! I can't think of being away from them all day.

I, however, got a part time job bartending. I have been doing it for a little over 4 years now. I work 2 to 3 nights a week and it is a nice break. I am interacting with adults and also making some money at the same time.

Plus, make sure that you are getting some time to yourself. When your husband comes home, take some me time. Go shopping, get a pedicure, watch some tv alone. Make sure that he understands why you need this time. Also let him know that you understand that he works hard as well, but a little alone time is necessary to keep your own sanity. And make sure that you are taking at least one night a month to have adult time. Whether it be just girlfriends, or a couples night, do it!

Shantelle - posted on 04/30/2009

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There is definately nothing wrong with u! I often feel that way. It's just personal preference. I went back 2 work when my 2nd child was 6mths and I was much happier to interact with the adult world AND still have my family. I still missed them and felt extremely guily at times, but I was happier. Just be aware it's gets a little more hectic when u get home because ur still doing ALL the things u had to do b4 only in less time.

THEN I got a 'surprise' pregnancy so am now back at home, but I now make a conscious effort to get out more to other mum's houses, it's great 4 the kids and me. They now all go 2 daycare 1 day a wk too, it gives me a break, and a chance to do things, like shopping and housework, without them.

Having said that, I think as mine get older, it does get easier.

Having u considered part-time work to get the best of both world's?

Melissa - posted on 04/29/2009

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You need to join a mom's group. My stay at home life totally changed after I made some new friends. I still feel that way some days but it is better than it was in the beginning. Go to Meetup.com and find a group in your area.

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