Are men expecting more from you but doing less themselves?

Erin - posted on 06/08/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )




I don't know if it's just me but it seems to me like men expect more from us women/moms than ever before. I'm a full time student taking 15 credits of Legal studies, I have three kids and one on the way. I can't afford daycare period. Our state has the lowest wage vs. cost of living etc. I have no one to help. My fiance works again now finally but he likes to jab at me when he's mad about how I'm just not trying hard enough to get a job blah blah blah. Here's the thing he doesn't do a dang thing when he's off work, he doesn't even get full-time hours, and when he's home he does nothing at all. He doesn't cook, never cleans , won't even pick up after himself, he acts like he's gonna puke when he sees a poopy diaper, can't handle any kind of stress at all, sits around whinning a complaining about his job and how he's too good for it. He's never happy. We never go anywhere, never do anything, he doesn't ever repair anything, doesn't barely even do his laundry. He thinks he's soooooo busy.

When he got laid off for six months he got awesome unemployment benefits had all the time in the world yet he did NOTHING at all. He never had time for me ever. I asked him to come stay here with me (at moms house) and behave and help watch the kids so I could get a job to help so we could save money for a place big enough for everyone, but he wouldn't do it, just made excuses to be too busy blah blah blah. I am afraid I will be doing everything while he gets to come home and laze around. Funny how guys like to pull the "women wanted equality" card on us now, yet they refuse to 50% of the house work, child care, repairs, etc. He doesn't even do the stuff men typically do you know what I mean. I feel like I should just blow him off totally and stay single if he's never gonna help out or get his butt in gear. He lives an hour away and just keeps making excuses, but I can't say anything or he explodes. "i'm not your slave", etc. my god is just me or does he maybe need some counceling to cope with life?


Kelina - posted on 06/08/2012




Is your fiance the father of all your kids? Honestly I think men are getting more involved these days, at least, the ones who matter. I've been on bedrest for two weeks and despite a few really bad days, my husband has really been trying. He;s not a woman so I get really frustrated that things aren't getting done to the degree that I would do them, but he's been trying. He managed to get some time off work, has attempted to care for the kids, and been attempting to cook and clean too. If he's that father of your kids, talk to him and let him know what you expect of him as a father and a marriage partner. If he's not, thank God! and then dump him. My husband has also never brought up the fact that I don't work outside the home. Probably because he knows I'd walk away and leave him to deal with both house and kids for a few days. vhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-my daughters contribution while I got her some more water. Lol I love it how she thinks turning the computer around and quickly running her arm across the keyboard will erase whatever she's been doing while my back was turned! But really, if he's not the father of your kids I'd really reconsider marrying him. Sounds like you're doing all the work already, and he's getting a booty call whenever he wants it.


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Maria - posted on 06/25/2012




hello, responding to your comment, i was going through a similar situation. i was studying my bsc degree, had to do house work, take kids to school, but i had to do everything or kids dont get taking care, off, some times i was so exhausted, i did not no if i was coming or going or if my mind is playing games. My partner has never helped me properly, he come from work, sat down and spent hours on his lap top or doing things that he wanted to do, and he use to be physical, and emotional to me, and the emotinal turned out to be worse than the physical, as i always question myself. some times you beleive that they can change, but really they are becoming worse, and it takes time, some times years to realise, that its not a deliusion, this is what is really happening, he was not really contruibuting, and he was not making me happy, and when i am not happy my children sense it. he was also a controlling person, contolled what i ate, called me fat and uguly and i put up with this for 20 years. dont let years go by with believes, some time they dont change , but sometimes they do. but you need to make a decision, and anaylise your future with this person.. dont leave it to late, because years has a way of catching up with you. and you dont want to live life with regrets, and what if! do what you think is best,
kind regards, and good luck with our studies.

Danielle - posted on 06/24/2012




don't you hate it when they say "I'm so tired". My fiance is the same way. It's just men, they have NO idea what it's like. And I have a feeling there has never been equality, women have been doing it all for centuries.

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012




Thanks Guys! I'll give you all some more info; no he is not the father of my other three kids, just the baby. I was on birth control and didn't really want any more kids yet, but the baby is comming anyways. Right now he's off at Annual Training won't be back for most of the month. All I want is for him to help out, get some stuff done, stop complianing. I have always raised all my kids but I'm getting older, I'm really tired, he knew I was not interested in any relationship except to achieve a family. I really don't even ask him for much but my problem is if I ask him to do anything he acts like he's been asked to do 800 things all at once. I have panic attack disorder I have been lucky to achieve a 3.68 gpa in Legal Studies many people with my disorder cannot even work or go outside. I'm also pregnant. What bothers me most is listening to him whine about his job and money. He ALWAYS has money, has a place, his job is easy, yet he can't wait to tell me to suck it all up and not complain and somehow thinks I'm not doing anything at all. I put my foot down. I told him marriage is off the table right now. Either he gets his butt in gear or else he can just pay child support idc anymore.

Stacey - posted on 06/09/2012




I don't know..I don't think it's a general rule per say. I often wonder how my husband would be without his extreme ADHD. Makes it hard to depend on him for much help because he forgets to do things a second after I ask him to. But he keeps a job and that's usually a problem for ADD-ers. lol So yeah, he's willing to help with a lot but forgets to do the things I ask him to do. But your fiance kinda sounds pretty clueless as to how much work you do. I'd give him an ultimatum ASAP and don't get into any sort of legal binding(marriage) thinking that will fix things, it won't! I hope for your kids sake that he's not the father of all your children, because that's just going to be a hard life for them growing up. That said, I believe people can change. I've seen it happen in my own life and my friend's lives. So don't lose hope, but show him that he cannot act this way for the rest of his life or he will lose you.

Stifler's - posted on 06/08/2012




That's pathetic. I'd write him a household manual and if he still can't figure it out tell him to hit the bricks. I personally think men are more involved than ever because of so much unemployment, women working more, equality and shorter working days than back in the day when women did all the housework and child rearing because dad was out working the farm.

My husband is getting there on the doing things off his own back instead of waiting for me to direct his every movement with the kids.

[deleted account]

I don't think so no, more men than ever pitch in and help around the house. My husband is rubbish at doing things off his own back but if I ask him to load the dishwasher, Hoover etc he will; he cooks a lot and adores looking after our kids, putting them to bed, feeding them, bathing them etc. If your fiancé isn't doing this and you want him to you need to speak with him about it, talk about both of your expectations of each other and about how they can be met. Men aren't mind readers if you aren't open with him he won't know.

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